Lumiere's POV
Rituals. Tiring.
Incantations. Uninspiring.
Dances of worship? No thoughts.
All were formalities to a Goddess I had never seen but must worship. A Goddess that never granted me what I wanted yet I had to believe I was her special child.
A special child she gave a gift—one I never wanted and couldn't be grateful for. My Beta nodded off for the third time, a silent plea for it to all end. I moved towards him, lending my shoulders for his head but his eyes burst open the moment I moved.
"Do you need anything, your Highness?"
"Not something you can give." I answered, as usual. "It will be over soon. Stay awake for my sake."
He sighed and searched for a waiter that'd have anything to offer him. "Because misery loves company?" he asked me.
My left eye twitched and the dancers stopped. Their incantations paused. This was not what I wanted to be doing after sixteen hours of carriage travel, with a headache I couldn't remember what caused it. No one looked my way and their laughter died.
I glanced at my mother, seated at her throne and swirling a gold cup in her hand.
"Misery actually hates company, Johan." I replied to my Beta.
Mother's eyes found mine and she smiled. I didn't move any face muscle, but the nerves on my fingers shook slightly from holding the life-lines of puppet dancers. I let go and they stayed motionless.
"Does this bore you, child?" She asked, her voice calming the guests that froze as if I held their 'life-lines'. "Mother only wanted to celebrate your return."
I wouldn't mind going back. Or perhaps not yet. "Is it? Isn't it to celebrate retirement as you'd be stepping down as Duchess?"
My Beta gave me a strained smile. "Don't say it like that, Alpha."
"It is."
Her answer made my head straighten. She didn't refute? She left her seat, waltzing down the red carpet she arranged for her satisfaction. "I am honoured to bear the next Duke of Deception, and raise him so contemptuous he could defile Heaven."
Did she praise herself for my contempt? Audacious, but not wrong. All the hate and resolve I had to live with were truly brought by her hands. "Should I thank you, mother?"
She dropped her gold cup on a dancer's open palm. "Keep being a force, Lumiere. Protect yourself and all you cherish." She glanced at my bracelet for a second too long then smiled. "Then I have no regrets."
I adjusted my sleeves, hiding the red corals around my wrists. "I will protect all I cherish." I forced a small smile. "As well as your ego and brazenness that raised me."
She made a short bow, and snapped her fingers. The dancers made a line and the one she handed her cup, marched in the front to lead the rest out the courtyard.
"Enjoy the rest of the feast, dear. When you are ready, we will have the private formal inauguration. Have you decided which Disciple you'd want to head it? Perhaps, the Duke of Desire?"
My eyes narrowed at hers. Again, and as always, there was nothing to read in them.
How blessed I was amongst all Princes and Dukes to be raised by a Duchess of Deception that had never shown her true emotions to me during the few decades of my life.
"Yes, the Duke of Desire." My Beta spoke first. "We have been planning to pay him a visit."
I looked away from her, and turned left to avoid seeing my Beta too. Most times, he acted against my wishes and I wondered why he stayed by my side.
"Very well. I'd await his acceptance later." She turned to leave after her puppet dancers vanished into the distance.
The courtyard fell silent after Mother left. The young ladies dining slowly lowered their spoon. The young men killed their laughter. The servants ogling at them kept their heads lowered, forgetting to breathe.
Movement itself ceased, at the moment it began to interest me. I left my seat and all my eyes went down, as if practiced. If they were so cautious, why did they attend the Duchess' celebration? I knew why. No one could refuse her when she knew your sins.
"Enjoy the rest of it." I told the head chef. With his head lowered, he hummed, squeezing his fists due to our proximity. A part of me remembered him sneaking to my room at night with a plate of cold biscuits and saying it was the last, but now, he couldn't look me in the face.
It's been five years after all—and I changed. Mostly against my will. Johan walked behind me as we left the courtyard.
Leaving the gate, I heard whispering rising again, and a clank of glasses. I breathed in and it stayed there, like the unanswered wish I've made almost all my life.
~~~
"Sorry, Lumiere. I didn't know you wanted to hide that from your mother." My Beta, Johan pleaded, trying to balance a leg and hold two large jugs in his hand. "I was just trying to help."
I exhaled, cupping a handful of water and splashing in my face. Looking at the cracked mirror, I stared back at a familiar face, empty but felt safe.
The face of one who had resigned to fate despite their inner wishes. A smile crept to my lips. Cathy must've felt the same, even at six. Except she had been strong enough to force a smile, no matter how sad, while I lacked such bravery.
The event I attended at the Baron's place, something there had given me a headache. Something my mind didn't want to let go easily, but as I had planned, I forgot everything that happened after leaving. Those mind-clearing spells I meddled with were instances of the bravery I lacked.
I splashed a handful of water on my face again.
"Get that leg higher up, Johan!"
I cleaned my face with a towel and left the sink, making way for the bed and falling on it.
"Ah Janeya, I wouldn't be able to walk if I keep this up."
Janeya, Johan's older sister, placed pins on the map we were to set out with, and wrote down notes on her small book. She glanced up and frowned. "That is the point, little brother. Why else will this be the punishment for your tone-deafness?"
She adjusted her posture. "So I will guard the Prince to the Duke of Desire's region. I already found the whereabouts of his childhood friend. She lives somewhere there. We don't need you."
"But I—"
"Please, you two. I have a headache." I reached for the book she wrote on, covering half my face with it. "And I have no plans to search for her yet. I just returned."
Janeya turned to me, looking me up and down through the corner of her eyes. "You just want to do it yourself, don't you? The daughter of the Former Royal General, Catherine Lorraine. Or did I do all that creeping around for information for nothing?"
Johan dropped the leg and hands, forgetting his sister's fury for a minute. "No Janeya, it's best if the Prince wants to forget her for better things, like the inauguration as Duke. Let him do as he wants. That girl can wait."
Johan was truly infuriating.
I felt no guilt when Janeya's whip curled around his legs and helped him to the wall.
"As I was saying," she rubbed her temples. "Do you really want to search for her later or never?"
The way she said 'never', I found my breath and sighed. "I will search for her after I have no one standing between… you know what I mean."
"Do I?" She took her book from my face. "Would you even remember what she looks like?"
Would I? It's been thirteen years, and I couldn't be sure mother never tampered with my memories of her. I sat up. No. There were things mother would never do.
I ignored her question. "As much as I want to prolong it to never, the inauguration is important." I needed to feel the dimensions of power the Goddess 'gifted' me.
"If the Duke of Desire accepts the proposal to inaugurate me, I would stay around him. Long enough to search his land for her. Long enough to learn the ways of my gift. Killing two wolves with an arrow."
Johan walked back into the room, dusting the pieces of rocks on his head. His durability saved him from a bone-breaking injury once again. But nothing ever saved his mouth from spitting the foolish things his brain formulated.
"I don't get it, your Highness. This girl, Catherine. If she grew up in a small village within the region, what good would she do you? If you want her as a Royal General, I believe the King stopped the title from reaching her for good reason. She'd be, at best, a warrior to assist you. You already have a Beta and a Delta. What else do you want her for?"
Silence.
Janeya sipped a cup of tea, and tucked her book in my bag. "Rest for another day. We should have the inauguration as soon as… in two days? After that, we all—or only you and I—could visit the villages to find. A red haired girl with a tatted uncle. They would stand out."
"Are they even still alive?"
I shut my eyes tightly, filtering out Johan's voice. "It is agreed then, Janeya."
"Are you two ignoring me!"
"Yes, rest well, Alpha." She walked out of the room.
I turned my back from the hole created on my wall and pulled a pillow to my face.
"You two are really ignoring me."