Chapter One
"One million one. One million two. One million thr—"
"Tower Master! Tower Master!"
I clicked my tongue.
Of course.
Of course someone had to ruin this.
Why was it that every single time I tried to enjoy quality time with the love of my life, some idiot decided it was emergency hour?
"What is it this time, Gilbert?" I muttered, my eyes still closed. My fingers didn't stop moving. They danced through the air, rhythmically flicking gold coins into stacks so perfect they'd make a geometer weep from admiration.
Clink. Clink. Clink.
The sound was better than any lullaby. It was the heartbeat of the galaxy. No. No. Not the galaxy... The Entire Universe!
My shiny angels... daddy is almost done counting...
"Tower Master, there's an emergency!" Gilbert shouted, his voice echoing off the obsidian walls and drilling straight into my skull.
Can someone remind me why I kept this guy as my assistant? He's so irritating.
"Speak softer. There's no need to yell, Gilbert," I snapped, a small, twitching vein appearing on my forehead. "You're disturbing my date. Do you know how sensitive my gold is!? She'll cry because of you!"
"Uhhhhh... Master, you're being weird again."
"Shut up. You wouldn't understand. You're single. Now talk."
"The portal, sir! The inter-world portal you're constructing—it's acting strange!
I froze.
My eyes snapped open.
"Strange," I repeated slowly. "Define strange, Gilbert. Is it 'weird glow' strange, or 'it's about to eat the 4.2 billion maravedis worth of mana-crystals I invested' strange?"
"…The second one? It's—it's sucking in the furniture! That strange, master!"
"Hah... How troublesome. Let's go."
I stood up, brushing off imaginary dust off of my gold-threaded robes.
I am going to turn Gilbert into a decorative coat rack. One job! I gave him one job to keep the portal stable! God! I hate incompetent people!
If that portal collapsed before I finalized inter-dimensional trade rights, I would personally make sure Gilbert never worked again—in any world.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I barked, storming toward the lab. "I'm deducting this from your bonus, Gilbert Servus!"
I kicked the door open.
Oh my gold-
The laboratory was a mess.
The Inter-Dimensional Portal, a shimmering ring of pure mana and high-level calculus, was vibrating with a sound like a dying choir. Blue sparks and expensive mana stones were flying everywhere.
"My crystals!" I screamed, seeing a crack form on the frame. "Do you know the market value of those?! Close the safety dampeners!"
"I can't, Master! The gravity well is too strong!"
I lunged forward. I didn't care about the reality. I cared about the overhead costs. I reached out to grab the safety dampener to close the flow of mana to the portal.
"Don't you dare suck my retirement fund, you evil portal!"
Suddenly, the portal didn't just vibrate. It imploded.
The last thing I saw was the golden glow of my laboratory being swallowed by a pitch-black void. My heart broke. Not because I was dying, but because I realized I hadn't finished the inventory audit. I still had another Three Million Four Hundred Thousand Billion gold coins left to count.
For the first time in my life, I knew how much I was about to lose.
My money... my beautiful, stacked, taxed, and laundered money...
---
[98... 99... 100%]
[The Greatest Capitalist System Has Been Activated!]
---
[Alert! Soul Transmission Successful!]
[Partyyyy Timeeee!!!]
Urgh...
"...aster! Master Veryon! Please, wake up!"
Whose voice is that?
"YOUR GRACE!"
My eyes snapped open as the sensation of a very lumpy mattress stabbing me in the spine filled my nervous system. I looked up. The ceiling was made of rotting wood with water droplets seeping through. The air itself smelled of poverty.
"Where... where is my vault?" I croaked.
A man who looked like a malnourished version of Gilbert stared down at me with watery eyes. "Master Veryon! You're awake! It's been a whole month!"
Veryon? Who? Nevermind. Who cares.
"Wa-Water." I croaked as the malnourished version of Gilbert hurriedly poured some water and handed me the glass.
I wasted no time in gulping down the water as my swimming vision stabilized. "Where is my vault?"
"The vault? Your Grace, the men of Baron Vische took the vault door since it was made of gold, twenty days ago. This old man tried to stop them. But, I couldn't, Your Grace. Did you forget?"
I sat up slowly. I looked at my hands. They were chubby. I looked at the room. It was a disaster area.
Yeah. Now, I care.
Where am I!? No... More importantly, who the fuck am I!?
My eyes flickered to a blue screen that answered my question, rather quickly.
[DING! HOST INFORMATION EXTRACTION SUCCESSFUL!]
---
[Host: Veryon Halcrest]
[Current Assets: 12 Copper]
[Current Debt: 1.2 Million Gold (Isn't this the amount of debt that makes people commit sucide?)]
[Skill Points : -19 ]
[Spells : 0]
[Techniques : 0]
[Charm Points : 0]
[No Mana Heart Detected!]
[Potential: ???]
[Description : A Broke Duke Hated By Everyone]
---
My face began to twitch. My jaw unhinged. My eyes narrowed into the terrifying, soul-piercing gaze of a man who had just lost a multi-billion gold empire and was currently holding the equivalent of a bus fare.
No... Not even bus fare. Just who is this f**ker!?
"Your G-Grace... Do you need some more water to wash your face?"
"Uhhh... Sure. Go."
"Y-yes, Your Grace! I'll go prepare the... the water!" The old man—let's call him Diet Gilbert—scrambled out of the room like he was escaping a burning building.
The door clicked shut, and the silence that followed was heavy. I stared at the blue screen.
[Current Assets: 12 Copper]
"Twelve copper," I whispered. My voice was trembling. Not from fear, but from anger. "Twelve. Fucking. Copper."
In my previous life, I didn't even use copper. I used copper as gravel for my garden paths. I used copper to teach children the concept of 'trash.' And now? This was my entire net worth?
"And what the hell is this!?" I pointed a shaking finger at the screen.
[Skill Points: -19]
"Negative? How do you have negative skills? Did this guy actively study how to be a useless piece of garbage? Did he take a Master's degree in Incompetence?!"
I twisted my neck to look at my reflection in the broken mirror on the right. The face staring back at me wasn't noble. It was the face of a man people could spit on—and feel justified.
My... My beautiful face... WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? AND, WHY IS HE SO FAT!?
His eyebrows were shot up toward his hairline, nose wrinkled like a dried prune, and lips curled back to reveal my teeth in a grin that screamed less 'noble duke' and more 'escaped mental patient looking for a bank to rob.'
[Warning: Host's stress levels are fluctuating wildly!]
[The Capitalist System advises the Host to breathe. Dying of a heart attack now would be a disaster.]
"Shut up! You think I care about my health?! My three million four hundred thousand billion one million three maravedis! My retirement plan! My gold-plated bidets!"
Knock! Knock!
"WHO THE F*CK IS INTERRUPTING ME, NOW!?"