"Hey, bro. You look kinda tired."
Zade sighed as he leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes and groaning in response to Shawn's concern. He felt absolutely drained.
He hadn't gotten a minute of sleep after that phone call last night.
He had tried so hard. At one point, he felt the sudden urge to pull out the pack of cigarettes he kept which was something he usually only touched once or twice a week.
He went to the living room, not wanting to mess up his room, because he knew he was about to do something he would regret. At least there, the regret would fade faster once the smell of his bad habits disappeared.
The living room always cleared out the cigarette smell quicker, so he threw himself onto the sofa with the pack in hand, lighting one after another as the ashtray slowly filled to the brim.
His mind stayed blank the entire time. Everything felt too overwhelming. There were too many things bothering him.
He had always thought of himself as strong. Someone who didn't get affected by others easily.
But his father was different.
Zade only had him.
And he had loved his father deeply while growing up. He couldn't even remember when he had started seeing his true personality. But once he did, everything became horrible, both for him and for the relationship they had… or the one Zade thought they had.
It hurt.
A lot...
By the time he had gone through half the pack and was already regretting his decision, Zade pushed the cigarettes away. Still, he didn't feel like sleeping.
So he lay there, doing nothing. Not thinking. Just waiting for sleep to come.
It never did.
His eyes closed, but his mind stayed awake. And when he heard Rai's door open and checked the time, he knew it was already morning.
After watching Rai leave without sparing him a glance which was honestly what he wanted, Zade stayed there a little longer before finally getting up and rubbing his sore shoulders.
After a long bath and two extra sprays of perfume, he managed to pull himself together, no longer smelling like cigarettes.
"Didn't sleep much last night."
Zade said it quietly as he accepted the cold juice Shawn handed him.
"You don't have any surgeries today, right?"
"Yeah. Thankfully."
"Then go home early and rest."
"Mmm."
Zade finished the drink and leaned back, closing his eyes for a second.
"You skipped breakfast. Come on. Let's at least eat lunch."
Shawn urged him as the others gathered around. It was a less busy day, so they could eat together.
And that was when Zade remembered.
The lunch.
A small smile crept onto his face. He pointed lazily at his bag for Shawn to grab.
Guess who had been kind today?
Rai.
'Heh...'
That morning, Zade had walked into the kitchen and found his lunch neatly packed in a box labeled "Lunch" in beautiful, familiar handwriting. Beside it was another box marked "Breakfast."
He hadn't been hungry in the morning, so he had brought both to work. Now, with it almost two o'clock, he was honestly starving.
"Wow. Look at this handwriting. Your housemate really cares about you."
Shawn teased as he grabbed the breakfast box and opened it eagerly.
Zade smiled faintly. He opened his own lunch box and shared half of it with his friends before eating.
His gaze lingered on the lid.
"Lunch."
Back in those days, even when Rai wrote curse words to him, his handwriting was still beautiful. It was ridiculous...and funny.
But...gotta say, his hand writing was still as beautiful as ever. So neat and just very good-looking.
Zade chuckled softly as he finished his food slowly, the headache fading as he got distracted by the conversation.
"Why don't you take a leave? You've never taken one since I've known you."
"No need, Shawn."
"Seriously? You're the most hardworking guy I've ever seen. You even gave up your holidays. Aren't you tired?"
"I'd rather stay at the hospital than at home."
"Then go somewhere. Maybe we can all go together."
"Maybe in the future."
"Mmm… let's see."
They returned to their wards and went back to work.
'I could go home early… Or skip my nap and bother that nice bastard. I should buy him something too…'
...
"Oh. There is one big shop. It's the only one around where you can buy everything in one place. Other than that, you'll have to go to town, passing the next few villages."
Rai listened as Lia thought for a moment and answered his question.
He felt satisfied with the information and decided he would visit the shop soon. Maybe even tomorrow.
'I probably still won't find a cutting board there.'
Going all the way to town just for a cutting board felt like too much trouble. So he decided to manage without one for now.
It was already clear that he would eventually have to go to town. Lia had confirmed that there were no nearby stores that sold them.
'I'll buy it at the end of the month.'
"I still can't believe you found a place to stay so easily, Teacher Rai. I struggled so much at first."
Lia had been trying to find out where Rai lived. She had noticed that he always walked to school, never looking tired or sweaty, which meant he probably lived nearby.
She hadn't found any empty houses around.
She herself lived almost fifteen houses away and had to walk every day. The bus only came once a day, around school closing time, mainly for students who lived not so closely.
But, no one seemed concerned about how those same students have to walk every morning to school though.
Honestly, she had gotten used to things here now.
"Mm… it wasn't easy."
Rai replied politely, clearly uninterested in continuing the conversation now that he had the information he needed.
Before Lia could ask anything else, an old teacher rushed into the room, complaining loudly about how a student had almost hit her with a ball.
Lia immediately started comforting her, as always, trying to please everyone.
At the same time, another teacher entered the room.
Rai usually only saw him looking upset.
But today, he was smiling, so Rai curiously stared at him, just like the others.
"So, what's the good news?"
The old teacher asked.
"My transfer got approved. I'm moving back to my old school."
"You applied for a transfer?!"
Lia asked, shocked and looking hurt.
"...Yeah. Almost a month ago. Don't look at me like that. I know I said I wanted to stay and help these children, but I can't stay here anymore."
He avoided her gaze.
Rai silently watched everything unfold.
Coming here and staying had been a choice.
Everyone had their reasons.
Families. Responsibilities. Lives.
He had none.
That was why it was easier for him.
'Now we'll have more work to cover… No wonder they're upset.'
He returned to his book as the others started gossiping.
Rai sighed in secret focused back on his own thing.
Actually, he already figured out these people well.
They weren't that great.
Even Lia.
She seemed kind and bright, but she used foul language.
Especially with students.
Rai hated that.
She had been nice to him.
But he had heard how she spoke to others...
She definetely wasn't so kind hearted as she acts...
Rai stayed quiet.
It was always like this.
He was always unimpressed.
By people.
By everything.
Maybe he wasn't a good person either.
He knew that.
He was silently judgmental, trapped in a cycle of disappointment toward everything.
But no one had ever irritated him as much as Zade though.
'Ugh! Why am I always getting distracted by that bastard?'
Seriously, no one had made him so angry.
So disgusted.
Zade enjoyed his misery.
And also the fact that Zade understood him so well made it worse.
It made Rai feel threatened.
Zade was always bright, always teasing, always acting superior, all while messing with Rai's sanity.
Rai refused to let him win.
But he knew...
He had already lost many times.
Zade pretended not to notice.
Pretended he hadn't made Rai cry.
Lose control.
Lose himself.
Because Zade loved it.
He loved crossing boundaries.
Loved pushing further.
Just to see Rai fall apart.
'I've been kinder than I should have been to a bastard like him… I even packed his lunch.'
But that was fine.
Rai was better than him.
He always would be.
So he would keep this small kindness.
Even if Zade didn't deserve it...
It was always like that.
He was always better person than Zade.
'I wish that bastard wouldn't come home early today too…'
But too bad.
Because...
His wish wasn't coming true today...