IV
"Kage…" The man in the front said, a revolver tight in his hand.
"Yes. Kage Ishikawa. He invited me here, with a letter. I don't have it on me, it was…The ink was washed away by the rain…"
The man on the left raised his pistol. Takumi did not shake, and his heart did not even seem to beat faster-all he did was glance at the gun, then back at the man in the front.
"Just let me see Kage…" Takumi continued, "He will recognise me! My father, my father too…He's your boss!-"
"Stop!" The man in the front shouted. Finally Takumi began to feel again. His heart froze and then resumed.
"You…We have heard about you. Kage has told us of your arrival. If you follow us up these stairs and into this room, you have to promise not to try to start some shit with your brother Takumi. Do you have anger for him? Do you feel anger, I should say more so, after he left you and your mother for ten years?"
"No, what? I have no anger…How did you know my name?"
The men began to chuckle quietly. The same grin stretched out across all of their faces.
"How did we know your name?" The man in the front said, "We knew your name because we're your cousins. We have been waiting for you just as much as Kage has."
Takumi did not move at all. His eyes widened and he grew unable to speak. He tried to, but the words would not come out.
"I-You-Your my cousins?"
"Yes…What is in that suitcase, if I may ask?"
Takumi looked down at the suitcase dumbly and then back up at his cousin. He had completely forgotten it was in his hand.
"Oh, that just has some gifts in it. For you guys. For father and for Kage too."
"For us eh?" The men looked at each other, still grinning.
"Thanks Takumi." The cousin in the front said.
"When we get inside, if there is a living room, or a table, or something, I could give the gifts out…" Takumi scratched his hair.
"Well isn't that cute?" The cousin in front said, and the men burst out in laughter, like old engines turning over. They all began to lower their guns into their pockets, and the cousin in the front inched closer to Takumi.
"Lets get inside yeah? It's cold out here Takumi, no doubt you're freezing. And the rain too! Man, it's pouring! Come on," The cousin grabbed Takumi by the shoulder and began to walk with him.
Once the fence had opened, Takumi was surprised to see a stone terrace in front of him. Dirty stone. The kind that had split and sunk in on itself, with weeds forcing their way up through the cracks. It was not very wide, only a few meters across, and it felt low and exposed, more like a yard than a metal floor. To the right there was a metal staircase, it was black and grimy, climbing up the side of the building. It led to a narrow, also metal platform boxed in by a yellow wall, and in that wall there was only one wooden door. The terrace and the stairs reminded him of a motel you would find in the middle of nowhere, but not a nice one, no, it was a type of old one that people had stopped caring about. And this was worse than that, Takumi thought. Dirtier. As if it had not been abandoned, but simply worn down by being used too long. In Takumi's head, he imagined them in a mansion. Or at least a proper house, like the others on this street. Something with a driveway, a gate, more than one door. But this was it. There was one way in and one room above.
The cousin in the front led him up the stairs, the two other cousins behind Takumi. It smelled of smoke and earthy soil, probably from the stone underneath him. This was not what he expected at all. Takumi still had no fear, though, after everything that had chased itself around in his mind, he just wanted to go home. He was not scared nor happy. He did not really take in the truth that in a mere few seconds he would be standing face to face with his brother. The thought had not reached him in time. His face had turned into something rather cold, it did not move a muscle. Compare him now to what he was only three minutes earlier, and you would not be able to tell he was the same human. They made it to the door.
"Ready?" The cousin asked, his hand still on Takumi's shoulder."
"Yes."
The cousin pushed the door open and shoved Takumi inside. The room was massive. The walls were yellow and damp, a soft dark green mat covered the floor. A torn couch sat to the left of the room, in front of it a wooden table filled with cards and cigarettes and a small tv on a small table in front of it. In the far right corner a small kitchen with bathroom tiles and dishes piled on top of each other was there. There were doors, too. There were about 5 doors. Nobody was inside the large space.
"They're all inside your fathers room. Watching him." The cousin said, "Us three, we don't go in there much. 'Hurts our heart to see him like that, and I'm sure it would hurt your heart too. Instead, we just sit on the couch watching soap operas all day." The three cousins moved into the room which Takumi assumed his father was in. He stood, alone now, examining the room. "Torn couch," He thought, "Dirty kitchen, small tv…What the hell…I thought they would, I thought they would have someplace better than this…Brother never told me in the letter he lived in a place as bad as this…For the amount of people in a normal Yakuza gang-"
Kage came out of the door, ahead of five other men wearing bright suits. Takumi's jaw fell to his chest. There was no doubt. That was his brother.
"Takumi! My brother! I can't believe it! I can't believe it you're here!" And Kage rushed to Takumi. It came as a shock to Takumi, but Kage then hurled himself at him and hugged him.
"You finally made it! Welcome to Tokyo!" He cried out in joy. Takumi didn't smile, not yet–but he did hug him back. He wrapped his arms around and hugged his brother. Kage pushed himself off.
"Takumi…It's been so long brother." Kage wiped the sweat off of his head with the back of his wrist. He had run out of breath. He looked around at all of the other men in the room. There were eight of them now, excluding Kage and Takumi.
"Right! You have to meet your cousin's Takumi…Yes…" He walked around to each one, explaining who they were.
"This is the youngest, Kenji, then Yuto, then Riku, then Sota over here, then Haru…Then, then Kenta, then Taichi, then Minato!"
Kage's face was beaming with joy. Takumi smiled faintly. "Why don't I feel anything?" He thought to himself, "Is this my brother? I am supposed to feel something damn it. I am supposed to leap into this room and take what is mine: a family, a past, a home! But I feel only this heaviness, a kind of laziness almost, a strange detachment, as if I am observing myself from somewhere else, separate from this world I have been so desperately trying to chase!-"
"Takumi? Are you all right brother?" Kage said, moving himself up to Takumi and gripping his arm. "My, you look like you have a fever brother! Is it too much? Is it because of them?-" Kage pointed his thumb at the cousins.
"No…No it's not because of them…"
"Oh he speaks! Yes he speaks, my brother speaks!" Kage broke into a billowing laugh, and hugged Takumi again.
"Take a seat brother, take a seat!" Kage ushered Takumi to sit on the couch. He had to almost be thrust to sit down, his feet not moving, but eventually he did and Kage sat beside him. The eight cousins stood saying nothing, their hands in their pockets. Kage put his arm around Takumi.
"What's in that suitcase Takumi? Hmph?"
"Oh, yes!" Takumi snapped out of his daydream and lifted his eyes from the floor carpet. He jolted up, and so did Kage, making sure not to let go of his brother. Takumi opened the suitcase and pulled the Cuban cigars he had gotten for his cousins out.
"This is for you guys…" Takumi got up and gave the cigar packet to the cousin he knew the most, the one who had led him up the stairs and into the room, Kenta. Kenta grabbed it out of his hands like the bones in his fingers had stopped working. His face was confused, his eyebrows went down and he read the package.
"Cuban cigars…Cuban cigars for us!" The cousins crowded beside Kenta, and began to take them out one by one, putting them in their mouths and laughing. They had smoked many of these before, Takumi thought. Kage slapped his hand on Takumi's back, almost making him get sick with surprise.
"What a nice surprise Takumi! How nice of you." He said, as he moved him back down to the couch, and then quickly back up again.
"You know what brother, let's move into my room. It has a table and two chairs, so we can talk in private while your cousins smoke your gift."
"Okay then."
Kage chuckled and brought Takumi through one of the doors. Before closing it he shouted, "Keep an eye on father!". The door shut. Takumi stood ahead of Kage, his hands in his pockets, not because he was trying to be rude but because it was instinct at this point. Where else was he supposed to put them? "This room is tidy.." Said Takumi, not expecting Kage to shout back an answer.
"Yes! I keep it tidy often brother. As you can see, the bed is made…The floor too, it's as clean as ever!" Takumi looked down at the table and the chairs beside the bed. To the left of them a blurred window showed the violent rain coming down. The drops smacking the glass could be heard. Kage moved to the table and sat down. A teapot and biscuit pack were on it, along with an ashtray full with half burnt cigarettes and their butts.
"I guess the table isn't as neat…" Kage said, scratching at his neck awkwardly.
"It's fine."
They both sat down, slowly and stiffly. Takumi put the suitcase onto the table. It thudded loudly and the ash tray shook. Takumi opened it up again. Inside, the journal and the tea for his brother were neatly crammed inside the corner. Takumi took it out and moved it across to Kage.
"What's this?"
"A gift."
"For me! You shouldn't have, brother!"
Almost ecstatically Kage opened up the journal and flicked through the pages. He put it down and then looked at the tea packet.
"This is…This would cost a lot of money, Takumi!"
"Yes, I know…I'm sorry, I-"
"No, I am sorry! If I had known you were going to get these gifts for us, I would have–thank you. Thank you very much!"
Carefully Kage picked up the journal and placed it on the windowsill. Then the tea packet was placed on top of it.
"I'll leave it there for now."
There was silence for a moment. The two men sat in that almost deafened room, the only sound being the harsh nature outside, staring at each other. "After all this time," Thought Takumi, "-After all this time, we both have nothing to say. What are we? Children? Are we too nervous to speak? I am. I admit it. But is he? Is my brother too nervous? He certainly doesn't seem it…He has been happy, so happy since I have arrived. But now what? What can a man begin with after not seeing someone for ten years? It would be hard to talk to anybody who you had not seen in ten years, nevermind your brother!"
Kage leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs.
"So, Takumi…Before I tell you everything about our father and how my life has been, do you want to ask questions?"
"Questions?"
"Yes, anything you are curious about?"
Takumi rubbed his eyes.
"Well…Yes there is one thing…" It had been lingering in his mind from the moment the fence door opened. "Why did you make me do it? Read the instructions? What was the point in me following that specific set of rules? The only thing I thought was necessary was the knock on the door, in case somebody you didn't trust did not know the secret pattern to knock, for example."
Kage looked upwards and chuckled to himself. He brought a cigarette out of his pocket and then a lighter.
"Do you mind if I smoke while we talk?"
"No."
Kage lit the cigarette and blew the cloud of dirty air out. He looked too casual doing so. Once in their childhood when Takumi and his brother had gone on a walk, Kage had been offered a cigarette by some old man and he tried it, being curious. He hated it. He said it tasted like "horse shit" and that his lungs burned afterwards. Now he smoked one like it was nothing.
"I thought you might ask that question Takumi."
He leaned forward and took a puff of the cigarette again.
"Ahh…To be honest, Takumi, the instructions didn't mean shit. I'm sorry I wrote so dramatically in the letter. The reason I gave them, or more so why my father did, was because he was yelling at me from across the room when I was writing the letter. He told me I had to give you specific instructions because–well, you see, he went a bit off the tangent that day. 'Started talking about," Kage coughed, "The kimon, which means the north east direction being considered unlucky because it's where the evil spirits enter or something. He was fully convinced that if you came into this house from the wrong angle or the wrong pace you would haunt us all. Anyway, he groaned between coughing fits what I was meant to write and whenever I tried to change it he would damn near come close to shooting me. So I wrote it, and I'm sorry if it troubled you."
Takumi's face went cold. "Troubled me…" He thought, biting his gums, "Troubled me brother…Oh it did a lot more than that damn it!"
"This was all because of a superstition!?" Takumi yelled, hitting his palm against the desk like a mad defendant in a court case, and knocking over the ash tray.
"Calm down brother!"
"But–You don't understand…I'm sorry…The troubles I went through…It almost sent me into a fit!"
"What the hell? A fit? Because of some lousy instructions? What did you think would happen?"
"I thought you would chop me up, kill me brutally." Takumi thought. Instead what he actually said was: "I just didn't want to fail the Yakuza. After being gone so long…I wanted to make a good impression…"
"I see. Well I am sorry brother, that old geezer was off his rocks. I still love him though. He was being so specific too. Forty paces exactly. Thirty nine and the evil spirits would show, forty one and you overpushed your luck…" Kage shrugged. "I knew it was nonsense. The cousins knew it was nonsense. But we still listened. That man is still the boss until his heart stops beating. But basically we had to make you do the ritual or he wouldn't let you in the room. He would have had us kill you probably!" Kage laughed, and Takumi pushed out a smile with all of his might. But not a bone in his body, or a fragment of his soul wanted to smile. He felt a wave of nausea that had nothing to do with his probable fever. The weight of the world he had been carrying, the life or death situation was all a result of an old man's crazy broken mind.
"Any more questions brother?" Kage asked.
"No. No more."
"Great,,,,Then I can begin to tell you everything brother, yes?"
Takumi paused and stared down at the teapot.
"You want some?" Kage said, moving his hand to pour it into a cup already.
"Yes…I haven't drank or eaten anything since yesterday at lunch…And now it's," Takumi checked his watch. "3:00! It's getting so late already!"
"The days will slow down now-now that we are all together."
Kage poured the tea into a small white cup with flowers wrapped around it.
"Can I eat some of the biscuits too?"
"Go ahead Takumi."
He took a handful of the biscuits and shoved them down his mouth like a wild animal. The crumbs fell on his lap.
"Sorry…I'm just so hungry," He said, the food still in his mouth. He picked up the tea and held the bottom with his left palm and the handle with his right hand. He poured it down his mouth in one go.
"You're very hungry then, eh?"
"Yes…But, excuse me, continue your story."
Kage took a puff of the cigarette.
"Well…I guess what you want to know is how I was at the beginning…When they took me in, I was an absolute mess Takumi, you have to believe me…I mean, dad beat me at first because I would hit him, and I would scream for you and for mother…But they just hit me, or pushed me in some room and locked the door. I asked what they actually wanted me to do, why they chose me out of everyone. I spat in dad's face, told him that 'he favoured me for nothing', and that 'I wish he would burn in hell'. Eventually after three weeks I stopped, when he snapped my fingers in anger."
"Snapped your fingers?"
"Yeah…I made him really mad, Takumi. Anyway, so for those first three weeks I didn't do anything. We were in a nice big mansion back then…They fed me food that I had never seen before, it was really good food…But still, I didn't want to eat it, and I wanted to leave and come back to you guys…That day, when they took me, I don't know why I did not say anything…It's like it took me over–the realisation that a man would come and take me, and I got that fever. But still, if I had just told you about the letters…I had been getting them for so long, and I never told you…"
Kage burnt out the cigarette into the tray.
"It's all in the past now though, brother. So after three weeks and five broken fingers on my hand, I decided not to say anything, and my father promised to hurt me more if I tried to go against him…So then they took me to the business deals and I got used to it…"
Takumi thought: "What did you do on those business deals brother? I've heard about what the Yakuza do…Maybe this is different…"
"Are you wondering what I did on the deals?"
"No-No…"
"Well I just did deals, ok? That's all we do…We just keep the guns on us for protection…"
"I believe you…"
"You know when I first got into the Yakuza we had thirty-eight members. Think about that for a moment. Thirty-eight!"
"...What happened to them? There's only ten of you now…"
"They left once father got sick…We had to move here from the mansion once he fell ill, and some of them didn't like that, so they ran away the night before we were kicked out of the house…They had been planning it, bastards."
"Sorry."
"You didn't do it, did you? No need to apologise. But yes, for the next ten years I did more and more deals and I went up and up and father started to like me a lot more than the cousins. He said he was 'Right to take me from my home', and I'm not sure if he is wrong in saying that."
Takumi bit his gums hard enough to the point where they started to bleed slightly.
"You think he-You think he was right to take you from me and mother?"
"Don't worry brother, I know that must sound crazy to you but he has helped my life greatly…You have to trust me…I was wrong for leaving you but was I not a burden in Nagano?"
"A burden? You were my best friend Kage!"
"Calm down Takumi…"
"But why do you say this? Why did you invite me now, after all these years!"
"Because father is dying!"
Kage pushed himself out of his chair and stood over Takumi.
"I've never even known my father Kage…He left me before I was born…And now he wants me to come back does he? Or do you want me to? Are you just using father as an excuse to talk to me and make me feel sorry for you!"
"You stop that right now."
"No! I have blocked the thoughts out of my mind," Takumi stood up and faced Kage, "But I can't ignore it any longer. You don't just get to ask me back when you have been gone for so many days without a single letter! Did you know, me and mother spent months searching for you? We put out posters, we asked the police, we did everything! Or did it even reach Tokyo? Did you even hear the news about the child and his mother who had been sobbing for weeks, begging for their boy to come back, for their brother to come back!"
"Takumi. I understand your anger."
"You don't! You don't understand!"
"I do!"
Kage shoved Takumi into the wall. He slammed his back hard and then fell onto his rear until he was sitting, holding himself up with his palms and staring at Kage.
"Just take a seat. I beg you, just take a seat."
Takumi wiped his nose and pushed himself up slowly. The chair had been pushed to the corner of the room by Takumi when he rose. He pulled it back slowly to the table and sat again. Kage looked out of the window.
"It's getting too dark outside, still raining…We need light." And he turned the switch on above the table. A dim yellow bulb managed to burst out. It didn't do much. It barely added light, but it gave something. Kage sighed and sat on his chair again. He leaned back and put his arm over the front.
"Brother…I don't want to fight with you. Please, stop this. And I know it was dumb to be so happy with you and act like it was all fine, but I am not entirely joyful to be honest. I do feel angry. I feel sad. I feel odd. Is that what you want to hear!? But I hide it. I hide it so you can have a good time, because you are my brother and I care for you, I do…I'm not trying to make it seem like it's justified, me leaving. But I didn't choose that. What I am choosing to do is put on a grin and make you laugh, or at least try to. But that doesn't work does it? You don't like that Takumi. You want me to be honest? I'll be honest with you."
He leaned forward. His face was cold, truly cold without any emotion.
"I considered killing myself when I first arrived in the Yakuza, Takumi. I hated everything. I wanted to go home and when I realised I couldn't, the second best option was to jump from the window in my room. I considered putting a bullet in my head when everybody left us, just recently. So I'm not happy. I'm quite upset actually. My bones hurt, my heart hurts, I feel constant pain everywhere since father fell ill. You don't understand it. It might have been hard on you, but it was hard on me too. I had to write like a different man in that letter just to get you to go. I could have written to you at any time, truthfully. But I didn't want you to get caught up in this. Maybe it was the wrong decision writing you the letter. We didn't have much money at all, so to put the Yen in that letter was a risky move…We might have been able to eat a lot better food, but I spent that Yen on you, not even knowing if it would make it to you or if you would want to come…Do you want to leave now Takumi?" He stood up and walked to the door. "You can go now if you want, brother."
Takumi sat on the chair, unable to speak.
"Come on Takumi, are you staying or not?"
"I'm staying. I'll stay."
"Okay then. Well from this point on, please just try to stay calm. For father…Do you want to go see father now actually?"
"Yes."
"Come on then."
Takumi stood off of the chair and stepped out of the room. He did not want to see his 'father' truthfully. He had never known his father, he knew his father just as well as a stranger on the street. He hated his father at this moment. He hated his father.