'It's better to risk dying trying than to die in regret from not having tried at all.'
Having said that, I was still hesitant about using this method as i now have the fear of death instilled in me after regression.
It was precisely that I regressed that I fear death more than before, more afraid to lose the second chance at life presented to me.
I was not afraid of death itself, but of losing these new opportunities that I now have received by regressing.
But now, I was risking this chance by using a risky and insane method to overcome my incapability of cultivating.
Slap!
'Stop! Stop thinking about that, Jeonsa Grace! You've already decided you're going through with it, so stop hesitating!'
I slapped myself a second time to shake off the thoughts and hesitation clouding my mind and weakening my will.
After doing so, my mind became clear, free from thoughts of death and hesitation and will unrestrained by doubts and fears.
'Alright, with that settled, let's not waste any more time. Time is running out.'
With no more hesitation, and with the intense craving backing my actions, nothing could stop me anymore.
I picked up the Nine Suffering Expression cultivation manual, opened it, and began flipping through its pages.
The book contained a lot of information for a single manual, from the body's meridians to the basics of cultivation.
But I had already read those during my time as a scholar searching for ways to cultivate before I regressed.
'I already memorized those by heart, so there's no need for me to read them again.'
Although, I still needed to read the pages concerning the breathing and meditation techniques, as they were important in cultivation.
So I continued flipping the pages one by one, looking for the specific part of the book I wanted.
As I flipped, I abruptly stopped at a particular chapter. I had found what I was looking for.
'There it is! I found it! The Nine Suffering Expression Qi Flow!'
Cultivation manuals may be similar since they follow the same process of absorbing and storing the environment's qi, but they differ in breathing and meditation techniques.
However, the thing that makes each cultivation manual truly different is the Qi Flow.
Qi Flow is the specific circulation of qi through the body's meridians to absorb and store the surrounding qi. Each manual has a different qi flow, making them unique.
The difference in qi flow can drastically affect efficiency and cultivation speed, making some greater or worse than others.
'With this Qi Flow, I'll have what I need for the method.'
The reason I was searching for this was because knowing the Qi Flow was required for the method I was about to use.
'The Reverse Qi Flow Method.'
This method was to reverse the flow of qi through the meridians so that qi could flow backward into the body, absorbing and storing it in reverse.
This was a method I created after years of research, searching desperately for any way to cultivate.
The method relied on reversing the body's twenty meridian functions, ten for accepting surrounding qi and ten for expelling excess qi and impurities.
With them reversed, I believed that qi could finally flow through my meridians and condense into a core where qi is stored.
'This has only ever been theoretical since I never got the opportunity to try and see if it actually works.'
Due to the attack of those masked men, I wasn't able to see whether my method worked, making my life's work die before ever seeing the light of day that is pif not for my regression.
Not only that, but I also knew that there was a huge risk of death if I made even a single mistake.
'If I'm not careful, I might go through Qi Deviation.'
Make one wrong step and your meridians rupture, causing qi deviation with a very high likelihood of death.
Qi deviation occurs when the flow of qi deviates from its intended path, causing conflict within the meridians.
Since this method already going against the natural flow of qi in the meridians and being theoritical it has a high chance of qi deviation.
'Welp, this is my only chance and method I know for cultivating. Let's make this work.'
Despite the apparent risk, I no longer hesitated. With the intense craving also pushing me to go through with it, nothing would stop me.
'First, let's reverse the Nine Suffering Expression Qi Flow as the method intends.'
I began carefully reversing the procedure of the Nine Suffering Expression Qi flow in my mind.
Its qi flow was very unique compared to other qi flows since its speed and efficiency depends on the cultivator's emotions.
But I had to do this very carefully after all one wrong move meant certain death.
After that, I reread the chapters about the breathing and meditation techniques to ensure I could do this method properly properly and heighten my chances of success.
'Great! Now everything is prepared for the Reverse Qi Flow Method.'
I had finished memorizing the breathing, meditation, and reversed qi flow of the Nine Suffering Expression.
Not wanting to waste any more time, I hurriedly sat in the lotus position a ideal position for cultivation.
I closed my eyes and used the breathing and meditation techniques of the Nine Suffering Expression to ready my body.
Inhale – Exhale – Inhale – Exhale
I began getting used to the technique, clearing my mind of disturbances and preparing my body.
After a while, I finished preparing. Now I was ready to actually cultivate using the method.
'Time for the Reverse Qi Flow Method.'
I then began using the Nine Suffering Expression cultivation technique in reverse.
I reversed the functions of my twenty meridians that meant that those meant for taking in now expelled, and vice versa.
This made the qi flow backward through my body as I began slowly taking in surrounding qi from the meridians meant to expel it.
As I cultivated, I felt the qi slowly flowing through my meridians with surprising ease, it was smooth and with little resistance.
"Hrgh!"
Until I felt a sudden jolt of pain as the qi flowed deeper. The farther it went, the more painful it became.
The pain felt like a burning stake being stabbed slowly into my meridians.
'Fuck! Why does it—!!'
I wanted to curse and scream from the pain, but I didn't. Speaking would disrupt my focus and increase the chance of qi deviation from a high chance to basically guaranteed.
'Why does it hurt so bad?!'
I struggled to endure the burning pain and remain in control of the qi flow. I had no choice but to endure.
Losing control meant qi rampaging and instantly rupturing my meridians killing me on the spot.
So I endured and focused on regaining full control.
'Phew… Now, why does cultivation feel this painful?'
After regaining control, I tried reasoning the cause of the pain.
I recalled my past life to specify this exact time period.
'Wait! Was it because of the severe internal injuries I had?'
I had forgotten, due to my impatience, that I had just woken from my severe internal injuries after regressing.
This was before the Life and Death Doctor arrived to treat my condition. So it made sense that the internal injuries still remained.
'Maybe I should've allowed them to be treated first before doing this.'
But there was nothing I could do now. I had already begun cultivating. Stopping now would waste all my efforts.
After if I had done it till the Life and Death Doctor arrived and treated my condition I would waste a significant amount of time.
I can't afford to waste anymore time as I already have limited amount of time.
"Hrgh!!"
I continued cultivating despite the searing pain, focusing on controlling the reversed flow.
The pain came because my meridians were in a fragile state and severely damaged from my previous qi deviation.
To lessen the pain, I reduced the amount of qi entering and slowed its flow, reducing the strain.
It worked like I intended, but as a price it slowed my already slow cultivation.
"Hrgh!!"
But just as the pain became mild for a while, something unexpected happened.
A sudden jolt of sharp, excruciating pain returned as my qi collided against something blocking its path.
The sudden jolt of pain that came unexpectedly almost made me lose control over the qi flow again.
I quickly regained control and avoided another qi deviation from happening to me again.
'What was that?! What did my qi collide with?!'
Attempting to identify it, I moved my qi flow again to collide with what blocking the path of his meridians.
Although terrified, the craving in me grew stronger encountering a something that blocks my qi flow and pushed me forward.
"Hrgh!"
The excruciating pain hit again but this time I was prepared for it and was able to keep my control although it was disturbed by the collision.
After steadying and stabilizing the qi flow and keeping full control, I realized what it was colliding with.
'Qi Blockage.'
Qi Blockage occurs when impurities restrict meridians, preventing qi from flowing. Some are naturally born with it while some Is due to accumulated impurities.
It is a major problem for aspiring martial artist, making cultivation slow or impossible.
'But this is—?!'
Most people have only a few blockages. Some have half. But what I had was shocking.
All of my meridians had qi blockage which was something i never thought was possible.
'I suspected I had blockages in the ten absorbing meridians, but all twenty?!'
The whole reason I created the Reverse Qi Flow Method was to bypass the blockages on the absorbing meridians by using the expelling ones.
I knew the major flaw in the method: how would I expel impurities? I decided to deal with that after forming my qi core.
But now… this revelation meant my method was useless from the start.
'With all of them blocked, this method meant to save me will instead kill me!'
Qi was already flowing; I could forcefully expel it, but with my meridians in fragile state, that wasn't an option.
I realized I had walked myself into the jaws of death through my own decisions.
This would be enough to drive anyone to despair and see the hopelessness of their fate.
'No… It won't end like this!'
Instead of accepting my fate, I refused to die, not when I had just gained a second chance.
The intense craving wouldn't allow me to stop not when I had just started.
It wasn't just the craving but also my own sheer will and desire pushed me forward.
'No way! I'll never give up, no matter what!'
My raging emotions triggered the unique trait of the Nine Suffering Expression my cultivation speed increased with my emotions.
Despite my emotions rising, I remained clear-headed. Recklessness meant death.
Instead of blindly colliding my qi into the blockage, I began thinking of methods I learned as a scholar.
'Among them, only one seems to have a chance a slight one.'
I found only one method with any slight chance at resolving this.
'The Condensing Qi Flow Method.'
This method condenses qi into a thin thread, allowing smoother, faster flow. It also requires great control.
It was a dangerous method as losing control meant death.
'The problem is… I only started cultivating just now.'
While I researched cultivation my whole life, my experience consisted only of failures.
But I had no choice. Either fail to break through and explode from rampaging qi or take the small chance at survival.
I didn't hesitate long to make the decision.
'If I'm going to die whether I do it or not… like I said, I'd rather die trying than die without trying.'
I proceeded with the Condensing Qi Flow Method, carefully condensing my qi into a thin thread.
Stopping midway or messing up would make it expand violently and rupture my meridians.
I was not only condensing the qi already inside but also absorbing more surrounding qi.
This made it difficult but I needed more qi for what I planned.
The method wasn't made for removing blockages. It was meant for people with tight meridians.
'To begin with, this wasn't its intended purpose.'
When researching, I thought it might resolve my problem. But when I used it, nothing happened except sustaining severe injuries.
'But that time… I definitely felt it.'
I remembered that when my qi condensed to its limit and collided with what I thought were "tight meridians," I lost control and nearly died.
But just before losing consciousness I felt one of the Qi blockages break.
'What I felt was definitely a qi blockage breaking.'
That was the reason the only reason I believed it could work.
I originally planned to use this method after forming my core, once I had more experience controlling qi.
But fate had different plans. Now, I had to use it with meager experience, with qi already gathered in all meridians and no turning back.
'There… now time for the crucial part!'
After a while, I succeeded in condensing my qi into a thin thread and was ready for the next step.
I wasn't going to use it exactly the same way as before just similar, but safer.
I began rotating my qi, making a spinning motion. The faster it spun, the sharper it became, forming a needle-like structure.
Yes, my plan was to turn my qi flow into a spinning needle as thin as a thread to pierce through the blockages.
It wouldn't be easy, but it was my only chance.
'There, finished forming the condensed qi needle. Time to break through.'
I finished forming the spinning needles and couldn't waste time but they were extremely exhausting and hard to maintain.
I began moving them toward the blockages with all twenty meridians containing spinning needles.
"Hrgh!!"
A pain far greater than before erupted as the qi struck the blockages, making my meridians feel as if they were being stabbed.
I nearly lost control, but through sheer will and the intense craving, I held on.
Once stable, I continued advancing the spinning needles, tearing the blockage little by little.
'It's working!'
I felt joy for the first time since beginning this insane risk as I began to see hope in this hopeless situation.
The needles tore the impurities and burned them with the yang attribute of my qi.
Time passed and I didn't know how long. Hours, perhaps even days.
But what mattered was the blockage was nearly broken. Only one thing remained:
'I see… condensed impurities.'
Condensed impurities form when impurities gather and compress into a tough barrier it was the hardest part of the Qi Blockage to break.
'Dammit! My condensed qi needles aren't strong enough to tear through them!'
They were too durable. But I wasn't going to stop. My Life and Death were at stake.
'Then what am I going to do? Is there any way?'
I searched for methods, but none met the conditions.
So I was left with the one option I didn't want to use but had no choice.
'I have to breakthrough with nothing but force.'
It was brutal, dangerous, and had a tiny chance of success yet it was the simplest.
I absorbed more surrounding qi, overflowing my meridians and strengthening the spinning needles.
The pain was so extreme and excruciating that it was almost enough to drive me insane.
But I continued condensing the qi, making the needles sharper and stronger.
Though the pain remained, the condensed qi grew stronger with each moment.
'This is my limit! I have to do it now!'
After a while, I reached my limit. Any longer and I would lose control.
I reeled back my qi flow, condensed with as much qi as possible, and charged toward the final barrier.
The moment the needle struck the impurities, immense pain exploded through all my meridians.
I almost fainted, but my will and craving snapped me awake.
The needles clashed with the condensed impurities and has not yet breaking through, but heavily damaging them.
'HAAAAAAH!'
I screamed internally as the pain surpassed even what I felt before dying in my past life.
But I didn't give up. I shouted in my mind again and again, pushing more strength out.
'JUST BREAK ALREADY!'
I reeled back the spinning needles again, leaving the condensed impurities on the brink of collapsing.
Feeling their weakened state but I knew I was almost there just a bit more.
So for the last time, I charged the spinning needles toward the crumbling blockage aiming to break it once and for all.
****