I fell back on the ground, hitting hard on my back. A melodious, soft yet firm voice came from behind. "What were you thinking? What is your life to you? Is it a game? Don't throw it away. Respect it. Don't take it for granted."
I looked back. It was a girl dressed in a white shirt and blue shorts. Her eyes were blue, just like sapphire, sparkling with life—a sparkle which was alienating to me; her hair was yellow, just like the dawn of the rising sun. From the looks of her, she seemed to be the same age as me. I hadn't seen her in this village before. Maybe she was new here.
But that doesn't matter. Once she finds out what these people think of me, my past, she will also ignore my gaze. After all, no one can go opposite to society. One has to live in it, want it or not, and follow its decision.
I stood up, my head facing the ground instinctively, but I forced it upward at least till her shoulder level. I started walking away, not daring to match eyes with her. As I was passing her, her voice came. "Tell me why. Why is it that you decided to die? Isn't there someone out there waiting for you? Don't you care about how they will suffer?"
I finally turned to her side, remembering what they all say, how they treat me. A laugh, dry and hollow, emerged on my face "I don't. Not anymore. And you will not for me soon enough. Or maybe you will stop caring." I turned back, my body hung heavy. I went to the place I could call home.
I lay lifeless on the bed, not able to sleep. That moment I had with her was still clinging on. As soon as I shut my eyes, that moment popped up. Finally, somewhere in the cold and long night, I passed out.
I woke up with my alarm going off. The walls were still stained with time; stains I couldn't clean. But the sunlight peeking through the window felt brighter than usual. I slid into my uniform, brushed my teeth, and went to the place we call school.
Why do I still go there? Because of a single person: Mrs. Kouya, our homeroom teacher. The only person in this village who acknowledges my existence. Maybe that's the reason I still follow the ritual of going to school.
I slid past the gate, walking through the corridor as unnoticed, or maybe assumed dead, as ever. I heard a voice, a familiar voice, someone calling my name. "Hey... Shin... Shin Zetsu!" It was a rare event, someone mentioning my name on their lips. I stopped for a suspended second to look who it was.
It was the same girl from yesterday, the one who dragged me back from the peace I could finally get. I clenched my fist and tried to ignore her, and started walking to class. She came from behind, slung her hand around my neck, her posture half clinging to me. She said, "Haaa... were ya ignoring me now?" Every muscle of my body got locked, and my body went rigid from this warmth I didn't understand, and yet I replied with a cold voice, "Yes. And it's for your own good. Stay away from me." She, a little annoyed, replied, "Don't tell me what's good for me and what's not." Her face blotted. She left and went ahead.
As she went ahead, my body eased up, letting out a breeze, and a smile appeared on my face naturally, like a rose blooming on dead land which shouldn't have bloomed, as it's going to be dead again without the rain. I went to class and sat in the last corner seat near the window, a lone desk in the corner. All other desks were kept away from it, farther from even my shadow.
The bell rang, and our homeroom teacher, Mrs. Kouya, entered the class. With her followed that girl from before. She introduced herself, "Hello everyone, I am Tsukiakari. I just recently shifted here from Tokyo. Hope we all can be friends."
The whispers didn't take long to begin. "Isn't that the girl who was with that cursed brat?" Another followed, "Bet she is cursed too." Analyzing the whispers, Mrs. Kouya decided to make her sit with someone else and asked her to sit with the class rep, Sayaka. She was one of the people in the entire school who despised me the most.
But Tsukiakari softly asked Mrs. Kouya, "Can I sit beside Shin? A lot of space is empty there." Mrs. Kouya's face lit up with a glimmer of happiness and hope for me. She replied, "Yes, sure you can." She came to the desk, far from my seat, shifted it near me, and sat there. A burst of whispers followed by the incident.
I tried to remain unchanged, ignoring her. I stared at the dust of the eraser on my desk. Mrs. Kouya started teaching and silenced the class. The periods passed, and then it was the half-time of school. Tsukiakari tried to interact with me during school, but I kept ignoring her, building a cold wall between us for her sake, to keep her away from the horror of my life, or at least that was what I thought.
During recess, she went to the canteen with some girls. That was a relief to me. I didn't want her to get mixed up with me. That would let her get mixed up in my problems. The other half of the school also passed like a flicker.
I went home faster than usual to avoid any more interaction with Tsukiakari, and that too in public.I lay lifeless on my bed. The room was filled with silence so heavy it pressed me down till the middle of the night, and then I left to avoid the cold gaze of others. I left at midnight. I walked across the same street as yesterday, went to the same place to end the business that was left in the middle.
There, I found her, Tsukiakari, again. She smiled on seeing me and said, "I knew I would find ya here."