Chapter 4 - {Your Worst Nightmare}

The door clicked shut behind him, but the silence was worse than any noise. Soo-jin leaned against the door, head bowed, hand still gripping the doorknob like it was the only thing holding him up. He exhaled, shaky. Finally, let go. The walls were bare, everything in its place, but it didn't feel safe anymore, not after hearing Carlos's voice echo in his mind like a second heartbeat. "You're shaking… Is it rage? Or is it fear? Or is it… something else?" Soo-jin ran a hand through his hair, then stumbled into the kitchen. He poured a glass of water. His hands didn't stop trembling until the glass hit the counter. He didn't want to admit it, not even to himself, but he had questions. Not about the case. About himself. Why had he gone alone? Why had he stayed so long? And why God, why did some part of him miss how easy it was to talk to Mi-young? To him? He opened the fridge. He closed it without taking anything. Restless. He hated the thought that Carlos had seen through him. That maybe, on some level, Carlos hadn't been entirely wrong. He walked to the window, city lights bleeding through the glass like stars that refused to blink. Somewhere out there, people were falling in love. Honestly. Sanely. Without masks. But here he was. Thinking about a man in a cell who once made him laugh through someone else's smile. His phone buzzed. A message from a colleague: "He won't sleep. Keep asking for you. You okay?" Soo-jin didn't respond. He locked the screen and stood in the dark, staring at nothing. Because the truth was, he didn't know if he was okay. And that terrified him more than Carlos ever could. The room was dim and hazy as if reality had been softened at the edges. The air was warm, almost heavy. Something felt off, but Soo-jin didn't question it. Not yet. He stood in front of a mirror. No reflection. "You always look better when you're not pretending to be strong," came a voice behind him. Soo-jin turned. Carlos. But not the cuffed version. Not the killer. This Carlos looked… elegant. Unburdened. Dressed in black, open-collared, eyes dark with heat and something else, something dangerous. "What is this?" Soo-jin asked, but his voice came out softer than he meant. Carlos stepped forward, impossibly close."You called me here." "No, I..." "You think I'm only in your head because of fear?" Carlos whispered, fingers ghosting over Soo-jin's collar. "But fear's just love wearing a mask, isn't it?" Soo-jin tried to back away but didn't. Couldn't. Carlos leaned in, breath warm against his ear. "You miss me. Even if you won't admit it." "You're a monster," Soo-jin said, but it sounded like an apology. Carlos's fingers slid down his chest slowly, deliberately."Then stop dreaming about me." Soo-jin's breathing quickened. He hated how his body betrayed him, leaning in, reacting, craving something it shouldn't. Carlos cupped his face, gently. Too gently. "This is what you never said when I was her. That look in your eyes? That ache? It was never for her. It was always for me." Soo-jin's hands clenched at his sides. "I didn't ask for this." Carlos smiled softly. "But you're not saying no either." And then he kissed him. It wasn't aggressive. It was intimate, slow, patient, like Carlos had all the time in the world. Soo-jin felt like he was sinking. Drowning. Wanting. But just as quickly, He woke up. Gasping. Heart racing. Sheets twisted around him like restraints. He sat up, chest heaving. Sweat was clinging to his skin. The taste of the kiss still lingered on his lips. "What the hell…" he whispered to himself, but the shaking in his hands returned. Because deep down…He hadn't wanted it to stop.