"On the condition that I keep Professor Lupin's true identity hidden, I was taught a spell to protect myself from Dementors."
Astoria began to speak, haltingly and in fragments.
"When Dementors appeared during the Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff match, I was fortunate. Senior Elaina was there, as was Senior Malfoy, and Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor Snape were close by as well."
"But," Astoria continued,
"If Dementors appear again, there is no guarantee I will be blessed with the same good fortune. In the end, I need to be able to protect myself."
"So that's why you set your sights on Professor Lupin," I said.
Astoria nodded. "Yes."
"When I thought about how to fight Dementors, I suddenly remembered how Professor Lupin drove them off on the train."
Professor Lupin was the only teacher aboard the Hogwarts Express. Many people, myself included, had witnessed the Dementor that boarded the train being repelled by something like white mist, so it did not take much investigation to figure it out.
"And ever since then, I've been receiving regular instruction from Professor Lupin in the Patronus Charm."
"The Patronus Charm?"
"It's an extremely advanced spell."
Draco stared blankly at the unfamiliar term, so I leaned in and whispered softly to him.
"Dementors survive by devouring hope, happiness, and the will to live. A Patronus, however, does not feel despair, something all humans experience, and so Dementors cannot harm it. If the spell succeeds, a Patronus appears."
At present, this spell is the only effective means of defending oneself against Dementors.
"How do you create one?""When you cast the spell while focusing with all your strength on your happiest memory, a Patronus unique to each individual appears."
However, the difficulty is extremely high. It exceeds the Ordinary Wizarding Level (O.W.L.) standard, and even adults can use it only if they are elite wizards, such as Aurors.
Hearing that, Draco's eyes widened as he stared at Astoria.
"Are you serious? You're a first-year, and you're learning a spell beyond O.W.L. level?"
"Age has nothing to do with it. I'm only learning it because I need it to protect myself."
"…Even if the one teaching you is a werewolf?"
Daphne glared at Astoria with an unusually stern tone. Even if it was necessary, the thought of her beloved younger sister being alone regularly with a werewolf was more than she could bear.
"That has nothing to do with you, Sister."
"Don't act like a sulky child!"
"I am a child anyway!"
After snapping back at Daphne, Astoria lowered her gaze to the ground, looking awkward.
"Well… you're right, Sister. I was being a bit insensitive."
When she spoke again after a pause, her voice trembled as if squeezed out of her. It was an attitude completely unlike the Astoria we usually saw.
"But when I learned Professor Lupin's true identity, I just couldn't bring myself to say anything."
"Because," Astoria said, looking Daphne in the eyes with a face on the verge of tears,
She clenched the sleeve of her robe tightly, as if enduring something, holding it back. Her body trembled, and what escaped her lips was a voice so small it seemed it might vanish.
"I'm the same."
Daphne sucked in a sharp breath at those words.
"I'm sorry for making you worry. But I know how frightening it is to have secrets like this discovered by others. That's why I just couldn't say it."
Daphne's face twisted in pain as she listened, while Astoria smiled gently, as if to reassure her. That smile was almost painfully kind.
Yet her hands were gripping her robe so tightly that her nails dug into the fabric.
"Daphne… what does Astoria mean by that?" I asked.
Astoria's eyes widened slightly.
"Sister, you haven't told even your friends?"
"…No."
Astoria gave a thin, troubled smile, and Daphne continued in a small voice.
"Astoria is holding on with everything she's got. I can't do anything for her, so how could I be the first to break down and interfere unnecessarily?"
Daphne's refined features crumpled.
"But I've reached my limit…"
She looked at Astoria pleadingly.
"Please. Rely on the people around you more, Astoria."
＊＊
After an awkward silence settled over us, Astoria was the first to speak.
"…I am afflicted by a Blood Curse."
The Blood Curse is an incurable illness, one that cannot be resolved even with magic. Those afflicted by it are destined to live short lives. Some suffer symptoms such as transforming into a snake against their own will.
"The ancestors of the Greengrass family were also cursed. It had been dormant for several generations, but it seems that the curse that had accumulated has manifested all at once in my body."
As Astoria spoke calmly, no emotion surfaced on her face. She was neither angry nor sad. She simply accepted herself as she was, almost as if it were someone else's problem, thinking, "I was just unlucky." Or perhaps she was trying to accept it.
"The Blood Curse placed upon the Greengrass family causes the body to become extremely weak."
Generally, witches and wizards live longer than Muggles, and perhaps due to the influence of magic, they tend to be healthier and more physically robust.
On the other hand, many diseases that would be instantly fatal to Muggles exist, and most magical folk are immune to them. Astoria, however, is not. She cannot naturally recover even from minor magical ailments, let alone Muggle illnesses.
"So, you see…"
Looking a little embarrassed, Astoria spread her robe wide with both hands.
Draco let out a sharp breath.
Inside Astoria's robe, countless pockets had been sewn in, each filled with small bottles of potion that she carried at all times.
She explained that she had to take medicine every few hours, and that her condition was affected by the weather, the phases of the moon, and atmospheric pressure. Even meals could easily trigger problems if she was not careful, which made her constant supply of medicine indispensable.
With a body like a Jenga tower on the verge of collapse, it would normally be difficult for her to live even an ordinary student life. And yet, she had driven her battered body onward, continuing to live as a top student in what could only be described as a literal, life-or-death effort.
"Thanks to that, it wasn't very difficult to notice Professor Lupin's true identity. My knowledge of potions is above average, and Professor Snape also taught us about werewolves and how to brew the Wolfsbane Potion."
Despite living her days surrounded by medicine, her body never grew stronger. On the contrary, the number of potions she needed only kept increasing. She had been told by the healers at St. Mungo's that this would not change even when she became an adult.
Bearing all this misfortune, the eleven-year-old girl standing before us did not utter a single word of complaint.
On the contrary…
"I would rather not be pitied, so allow me to say this. Compared to other cases of the Blood Curse, my condition is actually one of the milder ones. Even without a curse, about one in several hundred people are frail or prone to illness, and fortunately, the Greengrass family had the financial means to buy me expensive medicine."
She did not sulk or grow resentful because of her misfortune. Instead, she focused on the blessings she did have and used them to spur herself onward. Even if it was bravado, someone who can steel themselves in that way is surely strong.
"By the way, Senior Malfoy, do you remember when I said I disliked Quidditch?"
As if trying to dispel the heavy atmosphere, Astoria suddenly spoke in a joking tone.
"When I was little, my dream was to become a Quidditch player, you know. Hard to believe, isn't it?"
As she said this, scratching her cheek a little shyly, she no longer looked like her usual composed young lady. Instead, she wore the expression of a girl her own age.
It may have been an ordinary dream.
In the wizarding world, dreaming of becoming a Quidditch player or a cake shop owner is a common, simple aspiration. If not for the Blood Curse, little Daphne and Astoria would surely have been racing around the garden together on broomsticks.
And in hindsight, there had been many chances to notice. The Hufflepuff match, the Ravenclaw match, and so on.
"But dreams are things that eventually end. In my case, it just happened a little earlier."
It was a line cool enough to make one almost fall for her.
Even if it was bravado, there are not many people who can turn that bravado into a driving force to push themselves forward. Once she put it that way, it was no longer possible to treat her as just a child.
That was why neither Daphne nor Professor Lupin could stop Astoria as she pressed straight ahead without hesitation.
"Fortunately, unlike my body, my magic seemed to be unaffected."
And so she immersed herself in magic. She studied relentlessly.
Because only when practicing magic could she truly feel that, even with a body like this, she was not inferior to others.
"…Has it always been like that?" I asked.
Astoria nodded without hesitation.
"At the very least, I need to have good grades."
That was probably the source of her strength.
At last, I felt I understood the unfathomable something hidden behind her always haughty and unflappable demeanor, the way she so effortlessly kept others at bay.
Magic was her only remaining hope. Because of the Blood Curse, her dream of the sport she loved had been cut short. Her dream of marrying someone she loved was likely difficult as well. She did not even know how long she could continue living a so-called normal life.
(That really is a way of living as if trading life itself for it…)
Like walking a tightrope, like advancing over thin ice. She would probably never stop until everything finally collapsed.
(Is that why Draco wasn't comfortable around Astoria…?)
Being around hardworking Astoria made him feel as though he was being silently reproached for possessing everything she lacked. Standing before her, it felt as though no excuse would ever suffice.
Even without knowing about the Blood Curse, she exuded enough intensity to make those around her feel that way.
"So that brings us to the Patronus Charm this time," I said."Yes. This one, admittedly, has been giving me quite a bit of trouble."
Astoria gave a vague, slightly troubled smile, and Professor Lupin also looked as though he were wondering whether this had truly been the right decision.
It was obvious that comforting words like "That's impressive for a first-year" would not satisfy her, nor would she be willing to hear them.
Such words would only be an insult to the life of Astoria Greengrass, a girl who had continued to deny the idea of knowing one's limits with her battered body.
"Expecto Patronum. Come forth, Patronus!"
As Astoria swung her wand and cried out, a silvery haze emerged from its tip. The hazy, semi-transparent cloud drifted weakly in place before quickly scattering and vanishing.
"I've already received instruction from Professor Lupin many times, but I seem to be stuck at this stage. I've been desperately recalling memories of placing first in magic exams, or the happiness I felt when teachers praised me…"
Astoria forced a smile as she spoke, but to be honest, I was surprised. Even against a real Dementor, this would likely be enough to hold off a single one.
"You shouldn't aim too high. Even an indistinct Patronus is an impressive achievement," Professor Lupin said, offering a mild reprimand out of a sense of obligation. Yet there was a hint of resignation in his voice.
(Well, if she were the kind of person who would give up at this point, she wouldn't have been able to produce even that mist-like Patronus in the first place…)
Looking around, Daphne also seemed worried, but all she could do was urge Astoria to eat some chocolate.
"Professor Lupin, is there any issue with the incantation or wand movement?""No, none at all. It doesn't seem like she's failing to concentrate on the spell either…""I'm sorry. This is due to my lack of ability…"
"That's not it."
The voice that cut Astoria off made everyone turn around in surprise.
The quiet, muttered words belonged to Draco Malfoy.
(End of chapter)
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