'Life is born and life dies.' A harsh truth I've been forced to live in; twice over.
The name I was given this time is Solip. After my dream turned into a nightmare the first time I was here, I was able to achieve an epiphany: time and time again others attempt to connect, form relationships. What's the point? It is only I who truly exists. I am alone.
As I lay in isolation, staring at the clear starry night sky, my body failing in the same way it did at the end of my first life, I can only wish that I won't return to this reality of damnation.
'Life is born,'
It's happening again, I attempt to brace for the multitude of memories I'm forced to endure each time I die. Despite my best efforts, the cycle will continue.
"We will always love you." She whispers in my ear, a tear rolling slowly from her eye onto my forehead whilst holding my palm between hers. I attempt to burn the image into my memory forever so that even after death, I will never forget the loving hand of my mother together with my family, I can only hope I'll spend more time with them in the afterlife.
Glass shattering: a sound I had grown used to; came to enjoy. A sensation I regularly sought out across the first ten years of my second life.
As blood trickles down my knuckles, and shards of broken glass fall into the silhouette of my shadow, I turn to the imposter before me, awaiting her reaction, a smirk creeping across my face. "Solip!" She yells in disgust, "Why? Why do this again? You promised me. You told me you would stop hurting yourself!" Tears she emits begin coating the shards of glass, "You know it only hurts me when you do these things. Please… stop, we only have each other after your dad left, we can't afford to hurt each other right? You're my son," She lies, attempting to force a smile whilst tightly clutching my palm. "We can get throu-"
Wrong.
I glance at my blooded hands, staring down the monster before me "You sicken me." We simultaneously reaffirm to each other. "You're alone. No one is real, there is no point to your existence."
I smash the mirror.
For a seeming eternity, memories continually surge through my head trapping me in an seemingly inescapable cycle. If I'm forced to return, I can only hope that the first five years will be over quickly.
Finally, consciousness begins to fade as connection to my second life dwindles. The first time I experienced this, I promised myself I would remember my family beyond death, this time, I promise myself-
Life is born
The cries of a newborn fill the room as an elderly lady delivers a child to its mother, "Here he is." She whispers, a soothing smile across her face.
"Hey! I wanted to be the first to hold him." A tall, well kept man whines. "Elira was the one who endured all of that pain, not you." The midwife retorts sternly, "You wanna hold him now? How about holding him for nine months first?" The mother chuckles, "Shhh, he's sleeping." With a soft smile, she motions them over to the straw bed she lays on. "Isn't he beautiful?" She comments, carefully handing him to its father. "Looks like a warrior already!" He announces with a proud puff of his chest. "Darian… we talked about this." Elira pouts, "Our baby will be free. He can choose whatever path interests him. He's got…" She trails off, "Calypso blood in him after all."
Three years later
The cycle has continued. I've once again been born. This time, the name I have been given is Aven: Aven Calypso, supposed to be the son of Elira Calypso and Darian Kaymar. For whatever reason, each time I'm reborn, treated as and experience the life of a child, my mind regresses. Before I reach five, my memories fade like dreams on waking. But I carry something each time: the weight of my core values…my despair.
That's why death is so overwhelming to me. I have to reexperience a life similar to that of my first childhood. I won't like it, but it's a must. I will forget everything. I will face life, once again head on.