"Please forgive me."
I was in a white space, at my feet sat a man on his knees, his hands clapsed together like he was praying. He wore a white robe, with... with wings sticking out of his back. He looked at me, green eyes and tanned skin, he was beautiful, and asked me for forgiveness again.
"What's going on?" I asked, confused, looking around this white space. There were cloads at my feet. "Is this heaven?" my own words sent a memory flashing back to my mind. The intense pains in my chest, the confusion, the hopelessness.
"This is not heaven young one," Young one, GOD, am i talking to god right now. "This is the world between heaven and hell, you died, don't you remember!" And all of a sudden I do. Yes it happened in the library, sudenly i felt this intense pain, i'm sure it was a heartattack.
Nobody there seemed to know what to do, instead they just watched me die uselessly while calling for a doctor. Apparently, it was to late.
I felt afraid, sad that it would end so soon, i wanted to do so much yet I just died. I remember the anger and embarrassment as the people surrounded me and watched in panic.
I feel dizzy as it hits me.
I'm dead. Who will even be at my funerall, who besides my immediate family will notice. What will they say, who even was I when I died but a adult who failed to move out and lived of his parents. No friends, or a girlfriend. Just school, work and my room.
"Do you forgive me!?" The man startles me. I ask him why he would even want my forgivness. He who seems to be god. "I'm not god young one," he corrects, his face with worry as he stood on his feet. He says his name is Samuel, not the famous one but instead another angel.
"Some of us angels are responsible for death you see, we guide humans their whole lives, that heart attack was meant for the man sitting next to you. You should've lived for another sixty eight years."
eight years!!! Meaning I would've been ninety. "Sixty eight years years, how could I ever forgive you." Samuel schrank back as I ranted, "I could've had kids, a wife, grandkids.
My sister, my mom and dad, how much time have I missed with the people I love." Sam went back to knees and held his hands together as if he was praying.
"Can I not speak with god about his, I want to be revived."
The angel pleaded for me to not do that, something about how he would be exctinguisted in the eternal pits.
"We can't even revive you man, Everybody has seen you die and your body has already started decomposing."
"Then how can I live my life? how can i have my family!?"
Then he lifted his head and raised an eyebrow, "Oh, wait a minute, I see here that you never had kids and a family."
I pause upon hearing that, sam continues, "And after college you barely see your parents and sister, you move out and see them once every 5 years or so. Seems you really enjoyed a peaceful life"
I am frozen, ask him if he has the right person, "James Doshier right, I am looking at your file right now." I screen pops up beside me, I see an old man staring out of a window sadly.
He is in a small room and a blankets on his lap. He's me, I recognise my features, reminds me of grandpa. It seems that I am in some sort of elderly care.
The video reverses to my 80s, 70s, 60s, 50s, and on and on. I see failed attempts at love, failed friendships and me isolating myself for decades. No succes or even accomplishments to show for it.
Is that my life. It is. The angel apologieses for taking away my life once more and I forgive him. Then he says he can give me that life again, a life of peace where I can life like a king.
That all I should do is step through a portal and relive my life of peace in another world. A purple rectangular door appears behind him. All I have to do is walk through that he says. I do.
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I open my eyes, I am cold and the sensations prickle my body and overwhelm me. I feel so overstimulated so scared, someone lifts me and slaps me on my but.
I don't like it at all, it hurts and somehow feels foreign, I cry, I cry so that someone can understand my pain. as I do I open my eyes, and a man is staring back at me with a smile on his face. His clothes are ragged, worn out.
Someone puts me on something, a blanket and wraps me in it thightly.
I look around, is that a thatched roof, wooden beams to support this structure. I see no intricate clothing or the presence of important looking men. Am I a peasant!?