It was the time of exam i was in full depression just few days ago i had teared out all of my notes which i had wrote for 1 month that was the time i started talking to her date was 16th september we both had same exam we gave after that she asked me how was it even though i barely talk to or reply to anyone on time due to depression i dont know why how but i replied to her we started talking a lot we talk till the time of 4 am in the morning till from 6 pm throughout online chats only exam got over at 5 pm for the first time in last 4 years i smiled from heart even though from my side i said sorry if i somehow wasted your time she calmy said it wasnt a time waste i smiled from heart i loved each and every moment from her next day came we again talked a lot almost whole day exam was also on very next date but that exam didnt mattered to me at that time we both talked with each other as if nothing else mattered to us for days we got too much close i told things to her which i have never ever said to anyone she also did same.
After around 3-4 days she told about her private id where she only had 2 followers both her female friends who were close to her very much i asked about myself she didnt denied to accept me but she just said that only her 2 friends has access to those she cant share those posts i was like okey i truly understood it i told her dont add me i respect your privacy i dont want to disturb you she still added me again i said to remove me she replied "no u can stay" i almost cried that time reading that she had shared morning pics her private id had her childhood pics and some edits of her she shared a lot about her i also shared my childhood pics and almost everything i could
told her about some series she started some series i thought her chess we played together a lot
we promised each other we would never ever leave we will always be together
We spent many nights together
I have expereinced betrayles all over my life i thought i would never trust anyone ever again
But she i dont know who she was how it happened i chose her as the last person i would ever trust i trusted her with everything i believed each and everything she said
we talked for 6+ hrs everyday soon later i started loving her automatically no intentions on my own but i started loving her not in a romantic way specifically but from one human being to another human being
she used to say privacy has to end in our dms share me everything about you i really got connected with her i used to cry out of happiness that my depressfull life got saved i finally found a person who loved me back in real rather than just faking it like others my parents dont care about me their care was fake they never ever understood me she always understood everything about me she loved me as much i loved her she became the closest person i ever had we promsied once more that we will never leave each other
Later on soon she got to know i was in depression i told her i have always been in depression u didnt noticed ? she asked what was the reason i told family problems i couldnt disclose it she also had one we were relatable in almost each and every thing from thinking of novels to having same interests some of our life parts were also same she also had a private family problem which she also couldnt disclose but we loved each other in same way she become my soul she become my everything she become my reason to live she was everything to me
i just like that told her i was crying because of depression for the first time on that day thats why i replied late she said u were crying ?? why didnt u msged me little she knew i cry almost everyday because of pain and depression but soon i meet her that got very less on daily basis
I had attempted sucide 5 to 6 times before meeting her i was in high stage of depression my health was dying i have a huge problem in my back brain back head and neck my parents dont care much about me she gave me a reason to live
one day i told her that i am having too much pain today if i dont reply in morning consider that am no more she kept checking her phone whole day despite that she was out with family i cried that day that how can i ever think of sucide when i had someone like her to care for me everything with her felt real
I told her i barely eat anything sometimes i dont eat for days because of depression nd health
she always told me to eat she was my reason to live she was the one who actually cared for me she once said she will ask everyday now whether i have eaten something or not even though she didnt asked a single time after it but its okey she forgot
I even used to talk to her in between games with friends sometimes i would even leave the game in between just to talk to her HER CARE FOR ME mattered to me more than anything else in the world
Soon later her behaviour little bit got changed she started talking less her behaviour little bit got opposite i knew something was wrong i asked 2-3 times she didnt said anything much after that out of anger she finally said it she said "u think we are in relationship we are not u may see me in that way but i dont She even said I WILL LEAVE YOU" its true i loved her but it wasnt in romantic way my health was dying i cant even think of making love or being romanticising with anyone i had a huge problem in my back brain/back head and in neck it could take away my life any moment i had ,, how can i even think of someone in that way i told her about it but,,, i got way too much depressed about it i attempted hard sucide myself that day when she i will leave you acc to the problem i have if i force my neck to go down and do neck pressing through mentally chances of my survival will be reduced i did that 3 times in 2 days my problem got increased way too muchhhhhh soon later i found that she even removed me from her 2nd id i cried that day i performed 3rd serious sucidial attempt on myself but she replied later on in night that her brother wanted to see that id so that he dosent see any male follower in it thats why she did i stopped right at that moment that was the last time i was in her 2nd id
my grandfather noticed something is very wrong on me he even started crying even my father who barely ever cared started crying in front of dr my problem got that big after those attempts
she was in anger for quite a few time that time i really hoped we had same gender at that point so at atleast our love would had stayed same and she didnt had to say such things
after some time i told her my problem got serious i will go to hospital today again she asked share me the report i was shocked she cares ??? literally she was the reason i am going to hospital i didnt told her that though i directly asked will you care she said obviously who wont i was happy after a very long time we got again together i started smiling once more my treatment was ongoing but she wont add me in her 2nd id back she had archieved some posts before adding me she added those back she said those are girls type she cant share
I respected it later on she was little bit depressed about her family problem i asked what is it u can tell me she said u dont tell yours i smiled i said i will tell mine okey,, but before that we promised one more time that we will always be together and that she would share me everything about her 2nd id which is not girls type SHE PROMISED SHE WILL we agreed to tell each other that thing she never ever told about it to anyone nor i did we both become our each others first person to disclose it but before disclosing she said "you will Never ever regret telling me" then i asked her to swear if she is not lying just to know mine that was my biggest mistake but i still cant blame myself for it i attempted sucide because of her my mind had to process such type of assumption the condition i went through she got too much sad got angry on me that i dont believe her out of the anger she sweared then we disclosed our story mine was quiet big it was ever since i was born ever since my first memory i only told her 50 percent of my story then asked her to tell hers then i will continue she told gave me proofs her charge went off before i continue later on we never got into that topic after that even though my main problem was in 2nd part first part was nothing
But her behaviour changed again she then denied to send me her 2nd id latest posts i asked whyy u promised she said "do i have to send everything" i was shocked what about the promise
I knew there was something more wrong finally after 2 days she said u asked me to swear i cant see u as good friend again i asked what do i have to do earn ur good friendship again she said "wake up early everyday study hard eat good food dont order anything online " i did each and everything she said for days and i even thought to suprise her by 15 hours study time in a day even though it was not possible due to my health due to pain i can barely keep up with 4 hours in a day but i wanted to cross my limit for her i will do anything to impress her again i tried for days kept failing everyday finally after almost 10 days i studied good but i had too too much pain that day way too much
I kept pushing myself made it to 12 hours then took 5 min rest because of pain had to suddenly and unconsciously slept that sleep was out of my control pain was gone that high i couldnt do anything it was out of my senses i couldnt do anything directly woke up in morning sent to her that 12 hours thing then told her about my health that it got more worse becasue i pushed my limit which i wasnt allowed to i was hospitalised in my home for 3 days straight due to which her reply to it wasnt that much but yes she said thanks after but still she wouldnt share her posts or anything i still cry for that she promised its not like i want to its just promises in the past i would still do everything to get her back no matter what she says
After few days she said will u be free at 10 pm we will talk i wasnt allowed to but due to my health i had to sleep early that time but for her i said yes i will i came at that time we talked about her college normal discussion i thought today i will describe my health in deep but she left in just 10 mins with a unusual bye i got too much in depression after it she tomorow came and said sorry i believed in her i knew from my heart that either her parents took the phone or she got some emergency cause i already told her am sacrificing my sleep schedule for that talk but instead she said she was sad of her family problem thats why she left and just listened to songs instead
while here i was crying till 1 am in the night at the same time she listened songs i came in core level of depression once again she said for it though but she didnt realised my value at all what i have done for her till date what i am ready to do i wrote everything i did for her even my sucide attempts three time due to which my chances of survival reduced she said sorry to it from her heart i believed her again even though she still wont share posts which she promised i was okey still i asked once again am i forgiven for that swear thing she said "ig so yes" few days later i asked about her pic which was in highlight cover she denied to share it at first i thought she is joking cause i have seen everything of her by yet but she was in real she literally replied " why should i send it its my wish" out of nowhere i was shocked i cried whole day in depression because of it thought to attempt sucide again but because of my father and grandfather i stopped
she even said "how can you give one person that importance" it was obvious just look into our memories u are expecting someone not to give importance with those memories she would barely reply to anything
i even wrote some serious health problem of mine and what was her role in it she only replied "ok ""
I still cry i am like why she wont share what happened she PROMISED SHE WILL i have done so much for her even sacricfied my life by pushing myself still i get that response i dont know what to do she was the last person i trusted its not about picture its about promise
what happened to her i kept asking still no reply to that I MISS HER a lot
i wrote to her
"If u ever have to hate me
NOTE THAT
U will never ever find a person who valued u as much i did
U will never find a person who would be ready to stay awake for you whole night despite next day having an important function of his own
No one will ever do as much i have done u will never find a person who will know ur family story i did "
To whom will i share funny stories to whom will i share my life problems to whom will i share what i have made today to eat
If not you
i dont even know what to do know i am in my dark room alone just thinking about her past memories she literally said " dont u think its my wish to send whatever i want" she literally forgot about me she forgot who i am i literally told her on the first day that dont add me in her private id if u have problem i serously dont wanna disturb her comfortness why would i ask for the pic if she wasnt who she was to me???? its not in my character thing was PROMISE not the pic she was the same person i told my private story even though she never asked for rest 50 percent since that day,,,, . she was the same person i sucided 3 times she was the same person who promised she would share everything even from her private id she was the person i sacrificed so much its not about relationship my health is still dying i cant think of it its just normal love of one human being to another What mistake did i perform i only asked what she had given me permission to ask in the past
I will still do everything she says to get her old self back i dont know what happened but i am fully alone with her memories
Memories of that time where she promised she would share all the things those memories i dont know what happened to her but those memories are killing me even more the fact that now she has become exact opositie filled with lies false promises and etc we were together for months
My health is detoring i dont know how long will i survive by some miracle in future i may get actually fine for my lifetime maybe
I still somewhere in my heart know that she still loves me but i dont know what changed
I was born with 1000s of people being extroverted i was good in almost everything soon later health took everything from me started my life with 1000s will end with her will take her memories to my graveyard
she was my last friend last person i trusted yet i got betrayed i cried for whole day i cant live in this hell of everything its kalyug 💔
I WILL STILL DO EVERYTHING TO GET HER BACK AS A GOOD FRIEND WE USED TO BE