No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, the truth tortured him. The medications were not working. The panic attacks had become unrelenting, striking thrice a day, twice if he was lucky, without any visceral warning.
"Oh God, not now", his chest tightened, heart beating like they wanted to run free from his ribs. The office that was once cold seemed hot, air thick with humidity.
Vision blurred,his world tilted.
He had lost all control.
His grip on the edge of the desk tightened just like his chest, a false attempt to anchor himself. The sound of the city was getting louder, the city he controlled, yet at this moment it was overwhelmingly difficult to control himself.
He wondered if his employees could tell when he was having these battles. Seeing the man they feared so weak and helpless. They would laugh, he was certain, it was laughable.
He shut his eyes trying to think of anything that could ease his mind and not the people who wouldn't mind if he had lost it all today. There were few things that brought a man like him peace in this world.
In the haze, his mind found her.
Rita
The change started to happen. Slowly but effectively.His breathing began to even , his heart finally finding its normal rhythm.
After ten agonizing minutes , what felt like forever had gone by. He opened his eyes ,meeting the streamlined view of Dane Towers. The room was finally still again. He was back to normal.
" For fuck sake! ", he muttered, slamming his hands on the mahogany desk.
Twice he had visited the psychiatrist this month and even he could not understand why he wasn't getting better. They had done everything possible. New prescriptions, adjusted dosages, they even opted for cognitive behavioral therapy. Nothing worked.
He hated how it started to slowly affect his work life. His focus at work was slipping. Decisions were delayed. He could barely cross check emails now, leaving most of the workload on his secretary, who, truth be told, he doubted even understood half of what she was handling. She was not the most competent but she was loyal, one of the major reasons she had not been fired, - yet.
She was also oddly very caring, if he was being honest.
He ran his hands through his hair, frustration mounting.
" I need to find Rita", desperation finally had gotten the best of him. If Grandmother's words held any weight, then she was his only hope.
If these recent assaults were his penalty, for breaking that vow he would fix it.
He would locate her.
Fuck it , he would marry her.
He didn't care about the cost of anything to restore his peace of mind . He was also not going to watch his hard work go down the drain . No , Dante was not getting this company, not on his watch. He could be father's golden boy, but grandfather entrusted him with this and that's who he considered as a father- figure anyways.
His mind went back to Rita. How could he possibly find her ?He had not laid eyes on her for the past fifteen years.
Was she still incredibly annoying and obnoxious?
She was so argumentative, and never shared her toys.
He rolled his eyes, what an irony. According to grandmother, she brought him peace. A serenity he could not understand. He did not remember it that way.
All he recalled was frustration. Exasperation. Constant disputes.
He sighed.
He needed to feel that tranquility once more, even if it meant opening a door to his past and letting a girl who had once tormented his thoughts walk into this new curated life of his.
He breathed out, jaw clenched, resolve solidifying within his chest.
Rita.
He would find her. No matter what.
—————————————
"Rita who?"Laura stopped mid- writing, her gaze moving from her notepad to meet his eyes. He could see the look of surprise on her face, he could not remember her surname. It was something Spanish, sounding like a famous actor's name.
"Salvador, or so. I'd confirm", he paused, " you know I'm not good with names", he sounded defeated.
She was trying her best to hold back a chuckle. He did not have to tell her, he called her Linda, Laureen and Laura interchangeably the first two years of her working with him.
Laura was not a complex name, she grew up knowing it was short, simple and boring. Yet to him , it seemed to be so difficult. Why was he so terrible at remembering things like names but somehow remembering every detail of every contract? And there were many many contracts.
Did he even know he was THEO DANE?.
" Got that, I'll work with this while waiting on the confirmation Sir."
"Thank you", he noticed she had a mischievous smile plastered on her face.
Cheesing for no goddamm reason.
He tried to conceal his irritation, "Any problem?" He inquired, she was acting a bit too funny for his liking today.
"Oh, not at all sir", she curtseyed, " I'd be taking my leave now"
"Mhm"
He looked at the direction of the door and he found her there , with that silly smile still on her face.
He cleared his throat, " what's so amusing Laura? Care to share?".
Her smile dropped.
" I just want to share in the joy Laura",he said dryly, he had liked her because she was loyal, but there was also a childlike joy about her that he secretly admired. However, today it was getting on his nerves. Maybe it stemmed from the fact that he had just suffered two episodes of panic attack before she entered the room, walking in without a care in the world making him painfully aware of his condition.
" nothing sir", she scurried away not mentioning she was pleased he was making an inquiry about a woman and not relating to business for the first time, ever.
She got to her desk, punched in the letters RITA SALVADOR, on every search engine. There was not a single trace of who he described to her.
Tall, slender, brown eyed, brunette. He had mentioned a distinctive hyper-pigmented birth mark on her cheek, shaped funnily similar to the map of South-America.
How patriotic.
He definitely needed to confirm that surname, according to him she would be twenty-five now.
Gen z .
It was hard not to see a single trace of one of her generation on the internet, at least LinkedIn.
We loved the internet.
She checked other surnames that sounded similar to Salvador , trying to find clues of someone who had immigrated from Brazil with her parents in the 2000s . Nothing still hinted to this mysterious childhood friend of his.
She needed more to work with. This was not as easy as finding her ex's whole family on facebook or tracing who was stealing from Mr. Dane.
Felix, wonder how those prison walls were treating his fake bougee ass.
Right before she was about to give up she came across a site;DOGSDESERVELOVE.com. An adoption site for dogs , it read;
"cute, energetic maltipoo. loving and empathetic,understands English and Spanish. Looking for a home who would love and preserve his ebullient soul"
beneath the post was a woman just as he had described, tall , slender ,brunette holding a brown maltipoo.
This was her.
This had to be her .
She definitely looked like his type too.
In the midst of her rejoicing for finding this mystery woman, she noticed a giant rock glistening on her finger , a ring. How didn't she notice that before, she looked at the write up again.
Mrs. Rita Salvador-Joseph.
She was married ?