Ever since my training under Magari-sama, Kuroka skinship has been steadily increasing. And since I was also in that "I'll make her fall for me" phase, I guess I started paying attention to even the smallest details.
"I see… Before I joined the Occult Research Club, I hardly cooked anything beyond simple stuff like tamagoyaki. In cooking class was pretty much the only time I ever did it… though during summer break I once skinned a beast and roasted it, or stewed it with random wild herbs in a warped pot I found lying around…"
Come to think of it, being tossed into the wilderness and still managing to survive like that… this guy really is something else.
Modern kids would probably freak out at that.
"Wild herb soup, huh. It starts bitter, but eventually your tongue goes numb and it turns into something strangely deep and flavorful."
"Yeah, I get that. The fat from the meat gives it a decent richness too."
"I know exactly what you mean! That's when I realized 'bad taste' and 'bitter taste' are completely different things at a fundamental level. Something you normally don't even think about."
If you're bad with bitter vegetables like bell peppers or goya, try living on wild herb soup for three days—you'll probably get over it.
Well… assuming you don't poison yourself. Unless you actually know what you're doing or can use onmyōji-style purification techniques, don't try it.
"Haha, I've never really done full-on survival cooking like that."
"As an indoor person, I can't even imagine that world…"
Yuuto aside, Gasper really has a narrow worldview. Then again… wait. He's a half-vampire—does that mean he could survive on animal blood too?
If you dropped Gasper in a remote mountain… would he eventually turn into some wild creature, tearing into deer and bears in torn clothes?
…Yeah, I kind of want to see that.
"Hm… cooking, huh. I've mostly eaten out or relied on field rations from the church. Maybe I should try improving my 'feminine skills'—Issei, you will taste-test it and give feedback!"
"Aah! Xenovia actually understands the meaning of 'feminine skills' now! She used to think it meant 'female physical strength' and just did nonstop muscle training!"
Irina-san, you're not much better with Japanese either.
The church duo is honestly two sides of the same coin.
========
Later…
Xenovia and Irina both cooked for Issei.
It was… chemical warfare.
Issei ended up bedridden all day after eating it, surviving only thanks to Rossweisse-sensei's concerned attempt at making a Nordic-style stomach medicine—which also turned out to be questionable at best.
…RIP, Issei.
Apparently, only those three girls currently helping out were capable of cooking among Issei's circle.
Compared to that, I really was fortunate. Around me, even Kuroka could cook. Pretty much all the girls around me could.
Shirone couldn't cook at first either, but apparently Reine taught her.
After the meal was ready, we all sat down to eat.
The conversation naturally revolved around Touji-san, and before long, Irina was blushing furiously as stories of her childhood were revealed.
After finishing and cleaning up, we moved to a meeting room with Touji-san. Irina puffed up her cheeks in protest at her father.
"You're telling all my embarrassing stories again, Dad!"
"Haha! Sorry, my little angel! I just wanted everyone to know how adorable Irina-chan is!"
While she kept lightly hitting him, Azazel-sensei entered the room.
"Oh, you're back from Heaven, huh. So you're Shidou Irina's father?"
"Ah… so you're the former governor of the Fallen Angels. A pleasure. I am Touji Shidou, a Protestant pastor and Church agent. My daughter has been in your care."
Right… Azazel is still a top-tier figure, even if we're too used to him to notice.
Then we all went over the Christmas event details with Azazel.
Which districts each member would handle. Estimated delivery time. Logistics.
"That should cover everything. Now we just need final preparations for the day itself."
Touji-san then suddenly clapped his hands.
"Oh right! I almost forgot—I brought a special souvenir for Irina-chan!"
What he pulled out… was a door handle.
Just a door handle.
So that's the infamous door handle…
Even Irina looked completely confused.
"Install this handle on any door in your house. Like this."
He removed the handle from a nearby door and replaced it with the one he brought.
Then he opened it.
Behind it was a room far larger than ours.
Angelic statues, paintings… and at the center, a massive canopy bed.
"This is a special barrier space where angels and devils can… safely engage in reproduction without falling. That door handle connects to this room."
"…According to Michael-sama: 'Irina and Issei-kun, feel free to do anything in this room. Try whatever you like. You're young—this is also a form of faith.'"
""EEEEEEEEH?!""
The entire room erupted in disbelief.
Touji-san grabbed Issei's hands, tears in his eyes.
"Issei-kun… I'm counting on you! Give me grandchildren!"
"I-I—uh—wait—what?!"
"Boy or girl doesn't matter! In fact, give me both! A daughter who looks like Irina-chan would be an angel, and a strong son like a dragon would be wonderful too! Maybe twins! I'll pray every day!"
Yeah. This guy is definitely Irina's father.
Once he gets going, he really doesn't stop.
"D-Dad, stopppp! Why would Michael-sama give you THIS kind of door handle? I'm dying of embarrassment!"
Meanwhile, Touji-san was still lost in his dream world.
"Irina-chan and Issei-kun are both promising, so financially there's no problem raising lots of grandchildren… Maybe even a soccer team's worth… If I could hear a little angel say 'Grandpa~'… I might ascend to Heaven myself…"
He's still not back.
"…What a revolutionary room."
"Yes, once you're inside, there's only one thing left to do."
Rias and the others were also seriously considering skipping steps in their relationship entirely.
Meanwhile, Kuroka leaned toward Azazel.
"Hey Azazel, can we make something like this in the human world too? Different scenarios—classrooms, rooftops, pools, bridges underpasses… all customizable outfits too! It'd sell, right?"
"Oh! That's actually brilliant. We'll pitch it to the development team immediately."
"DON'T GET ALONG SO WELL ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING, YOU PERVERT SUPPORTERS!!"
If these perverted idiots teamed up, the world would be doomed.
Note to self: if I ever get a room, install a door that leads nowhere. And get a portable handle too.
With that silent resolve, the day ended with Irina blushing furiously and kicking us all out of the room.