"Then I drew my sword and charged, slicing through the Osterburg Empire's cavalry in one fell swoop! Chwaak!"
Completely drunk, I climbed onto the tavern table and brandished my sword.
"Ooh."
The sound of the sword being drawn echoed fiercely, and everyone exclaimed in admiration.
"Then all of our Musketeer Corps immediately followed my lead, drawing their swords and taking care of the cavalrymen one by one!"
"Pwahaha!"
But not a single person seriously believed my words.
"Hey, Fernand! It's not like you bravely stepped forward alone, drew your sword, and fought, was it?!"
At my words, my friend Lotos huffed and puffed as he climbed onto the table.
"Let me tell you! While this guy was scared shitless and trembling as the cavalry approached, I bravely went forward and cleaved the lead cavalryman's horse in two with a single blow, eu-haha!"
"Hey, distorting the truth is not a righteous act."
"Distorting the truth?! Fernand, don't you know? I'm a hundred, a thousand times braver than you!"
"Listening to both of you, I'm just dumbfounded."
Aramis, who had been listening to our argument, threw down his mug of beer and climbed onto the table.
"Uh oh? Wouldn't three people be dangerous?"
"What if it breaks? It's more of a problem that all three of us are too sturdy."
Aramis spoke as if it were nothing to worry about.
Aramis drew the sword he was wearing at his waist and stabbed it into the table.
"I'll give you a clean explanation of the situation, so listen up! These two, you see, I was bravely about to draw my sword and step forward, but they were frozen in front of the cavalry, standing there blankly, so I did this! I kicked them in the ass and made them step forward!"
"Y-you, how can you lie like that!"
"Lie? I can stand before the one God and say it proudly."
"No... can someone who used to be a priest even say that?"
"I'm not a priest anymore."
Aramis stuck his tongue out at me and smiled.
"No, so I don't know who bravely went out first, but what happened after fighting the cavalry?"
A man drinking alcohol asked us.
"What happened? All of our Musketeer Corps drew their swords and cut down all the cavalrymen charging at us head-on."
At Aramis's words, the other drinkers tilted their heads.
"No matter how much you cut down horses, if that many cavalrymen charged at you, you definitely wouldn't have come out unscathed, right?"
At one drinker's question, the people listening to the story began to whisper.
"Who is standing in front of you right now? Aren't they the protagonists of that story!"
"U-haha! Yes, that's right, that's you guys, who else would it be!"
When I said that while holding up my glass, all the other drinkers smiled and raised their glasses.
"One for all! All for one!"
"Cheers!"
We shouted the toast and emptied the remaining alcohol in our glasses in one gulp.
"Keuh...!"
Ujijik!
At that moment, the table couldn't withstand the weight of me and my two friends, and its leg broke.
"Euaaak!"
"Euaak!"
The table tilted to one side and crashed to the floor.
"Euhahahaha!"
The people in the tavern all laughed at our physical comedy.
"Euhehe!"
I got up from my seat and scratched my head awkwardly.
"Alright, you've seen something funny, so let's have another drink!"
Another drunk brought me a beer bottle and poured it into my glass.
Lotos and Aramis also filled their glasses with beer.
"Ooh... good! Everyone, one more toast!"
"Cheers!"
The wooden glasses clinked together, and the beer disappeared into everyone's mouths.
The amicable tavern was suddenly stormed by thugs.
"Wh-what is it?"
Not only me and my friends, but also the other drinkers stared blankly at the soldiers who suddenly entered.
"Ugh! The smell of alcohol."
A man wearing a feathered hat entered the tavern, covering his nose with a handkerchief.
The tavern owner hurriedly jumped out from behind the bar and approached him.
"S-sir, is there something wrong...?"
"Of course there is. You ignorant fool. Would I, an administrator, come to such a smelly place if there wasn't?"
"Aigu! I'm sorry."
"Aigu, look at that rude bastard."
My words slightly furrowed his brow, but seeing the tavern owner repeatedly bowing his head, the man smiled contentedly and took out a scroll from his pocket.
"By order of His Majesty Ange XIV, the great King of Elans, all liquors produced in all breweries within the capital will be taken to the royal palace for use in entertaining foreign envoys, so the tavern will be closed for several days."
"Bullshit!"
At his words, Lotos jumped up from his seat.
Chaeng!
As Lotos shouted murderously, the soldiers all drew their rapiers.
"Close the tavern? Use the alcohol to entertain foreign envoys?"
Lotos couldn't contain his anger and drew his saber.
"You're a lackey of the Duke of Orleans, aren't you?!"
"L-look at that ignorant man!"
The administrator was furious, his face red as he trembled as he looked at Lotos.
"What are you doing! Arrest that man immediately!"
"Yes!"
The soldiers who had drawn their rapiers began to rush towards Lotos.
"Fernand!"
"I know!"
At Aramis's call, I nodded and went to Lotos's side.
"Oho! It's the Three Musketeers!"
"Musketeers?!"
At the shouts of the drinkers, the soldiers hesitated slightly.
"Wh-what? Musketeers?"
The administrator seemed surprised by the word "Musketeers" and hesitated.
"Hey, do you think you can win against us?"
Lotos cracked his neck from side to side, and the bones made a cracking sound.
"And, you know that if you mess with us, it's an insult to the nobility, right?"
When I held my sword in front of them and shook it gently, they all began to step back one by one.
"Ugh! When you're down on your luck, you fall backward and break your nose!"
The administrator's face turned red as he breathed heavily and ran out of the tavern.
"What are you staring at blankly? Why don't you follow your superior?"
When Aramis raised his eyebrows and asked, the soldiers all put away their swords and followed the administrator who had run out.
"Bastards, you should have left sooner."
"No, more than that, if the tavern closes, where are we supposed to go?"
At my words, both Lotos and Aramis shrugged their shoulders.
"I don't know either, that administrator ruined all the fun. I should have told him to sing a song before he left."
"Judging by his face, he looked like someone who couldn't sing. If he had sung, everyone would have complained that it ruined their appetite."
"Euhehe, maybe so."
I laughed and grabbed a beer bottle from another drinker's table and chugged it.
"Huh?! That's my beer..."
"Keuh... I'll buy you a beer next time, so remember that."
"A... alright."
"Still, it's fortunate that only one table was broken today."
The tavern owner who approached us said with a sigh.
"You're a lucky person."
Aramis approached him and put his arm around his shoulder.
"Yes...? Ah, that's right."
Whether willingly or unwillingly, the tavern owner nodded his head diligently at Aramis's words.
"If others were here, this place would have new tables and chairs every month. How gentle are we?"
"Hey Fernand, doesn't this place change them every two months?"
Lotos whispered to me.
"That's right, seeing how easily it breaks with just our weight, they must be short on money and buying cheap tables and chairs these days."
"No wonder my stomach feels bloated after drinking, it must be the chair I'm sitting on that's the problem."
I thought that if the chair was bad, my back would hurt, but I didn't bother pointing it out and just nodded.
"You just stay as you are."
I patted Lotos on the shoulder.
"Who is the man with unchanging loyalty and friendship! It's none other than this Lotos."
Lotos, who was in a good mood at my words, patted his chest.
"I'm just going to go home and sleep because the administrator poured cold water on the festive atmosphere."
"What? You're already going home to sleep? The sun is still high in the sky, are you already stopping drinking and going in?"
"No, I think the alcohol isn't sitting well with me today."
"You're such a bland person. Then we'll drink hard for your share."
"Yeah, do that."
Aramis tried to stop me from going home, but I shook my head and left the tavern.
Leaving the boisterous tavern behind, I was heading to the inn where I was staying when I thought I heard a woman's scream in the alley.
I snapped out of my drunken stupor and ran towards the sound.
Following the woman's screams, I ran through the alleys and saw three thugs grabbing a nun and trying to rape her.
"Look at these... devilish bastards..."
"What's that bastard?"
A thug who was trying to undress the nun looked at me.
Then the other two also looked at me.
"Hey, go kill him."
The three thugs muttered to each other, and one of them drew his rapier and approached me.
"Seriously, this drunk bastard is burning with a sense of justice and making things difficult."
"You... you bastards dare to rape a nun? You're all going to die by my hand today."
I rummaged through my pocket and pulled out a musket pistol.
"Ugh, a gun?!"
The thug who saw my gun was startled and tried to duck.
But, the hand is faster than the eye, and the flint was already slamming into the powder pan.
Taang!
With the sound of the air tearing through the alley, the thug grabbed his chest and fell.
"Ha... he wasn't even a big deal."
I blew on the muzzle of the gun and put it back in my pocket.
"You bastard!"
Another thug tried to pierce my chest with his rapier.
I drew my saber and lightly deflected his attack to the side, then deeply slashed his side.
"Keueuk!"
He grabbed his side and fell, and never moved again.
"Hey, shit! I'll stab you if you come closer!"
I wasn't going to fall for such cheap provocation.
"Tada!"
I pulled out another pistol from my pocket and aimed it at him.
"Which will be faster? This gun piercing your head? Or you stabbing the nun's neck?"
"Eueu..."
The thug began to hesitate at my words.
"Ahem... we don't have much time, so choose quickly."
"Eit!"
He pushed the nun towards me and ran away.
Taang!
I fired the gun at the back of the thug who was running away.
"Eueok!"
He was shot in the back and fell face down on the spot, dying instantly.
"A... aah..."
The nun, who had almost been raped by the three thugs and was dramatically saved by me, stood there blankly before collapsing to the floor.
"Are you alright?"
When I approached and held out my hand, the nun nodded and took my hand.
"Thank you... I don't know how to repay this kindness..."
"It's nothing. I just did what any human being should do."
The nun stared intently at my face and then gave me a surprise kiss on the cheek.
Surprised by her kiss, I touched my cheek with my hand and stared at the nun with wide eyes.
"Don't stare at me like that."
The nun, embarrassed even after kissing me, covered her face with both hands and turned her head to the side.
"U-um..."
"Yes?"
"Um... I'm sorry, but could you do it on my lips again?"
"Yes?"
Seeing the nun's face surprised by my sudden request, I realized I had messed up.
"Ah... it's nothing. Just forget about it."
As I turned around to go home, the nun grabbed my clothes.
"Wait, Sister?"
Before I could even ask why she stopped me, she pulled on my collar with surprising strength. As I stumbled forward, forced to lower my posture, a soft, warm sensation pressed against my lips.
"Mmph?!"
It wasn't just a simple touch of skin. At the moment our lips met, a strange heat, like swallowing a ball of light, rushed down my throat and spread through my entire body. It was a dizzying, yet oddly comfortable sensation that made my head spin even more than the alcohol.
"Haa... Haa..."
The nun, having stolen my lips in a flash, stepped back with a face flushed redder than a tomato.
"I-I'm sorry! I just... I couldn't help it because you looked so cool!"
Leaving those incomprehensible words behind, she turned and sprinted away into the darkness of the alley at a speed unbelievable for a clergywoman.
"..."
Left alone in the empty alley, I stood there blankly for a long time, touching my lips with my trembling hand. The sensation of that soft touch still lingered vividly.
"What... just happened?"
My head was spinning. Was it the alcohol? Or was it that mysterious heat?
Staggering, I somehow managed to drag my body back to the inn. As soon as I opened the door to my room, I collapsed onto the bed without even taking off my boots.
"Ugh... it's hot..."
As I closed my eyes, a tremendous heat began to boil from deep within my gut. It felt as if my very bones were melting and being reshaped. Thinking it was just a terrible hangover or perhaps a cold from the night air, I curled up and surrendered my consciousness to the darkness.