The days after the questioning all blurred together, I spent most of my time locked away in my room with permission from Orien. Wherever I went, a strange quiet settled over me. Students who used to bully me or ignore me all together now make a point of stepping away from me. Others simply mutter under their breath, I pretend I can't hear them and don't give them the reaction they're looking for.
Since the interrogation I haven't spoken to anyone but Orien, my friends have been at my door but I haven't had the heart to open it, to tell them my truth. I did see Seras once, I saw her stood by the northern courtyard fountain, her eyes were following the sky with that thoughtful expression of hers she didn't show easily. She noticed me and her posture shifted, a faint worry threading through her stillness. I thought that she might approach me.
I just walked, and couldn't stop. Even for her. The faint look of disappointment in her eyes made my throat swell and my heart ache. She didn't call out to me, I didn't turn for her. She watched me walk away as I pushed her away just like Rell.
Each moment I am alone, the interrogation replayed in my head. Not the questions or the accusations, they were easy to forget. The part that stuck to me was the moment I opened up, the moment I revealed my truth to them and I guess to myself.
None of them cared, the inspectors from Lust, Wrath or Deceit. Even headmaster Veyth. Not one word that left my mouth mattered, because it wasn't the truth they were looking for. They sat and let me unravel as if it were a lesson in anatomy rather than someone coming apart from the seams in front of them. The memory of it followed me like a shadow that didn't know where it belonged.
By the fifth day after the interrogation, the weight had grown so thick I struggled to breathe through it, It was like I was sinking, step by step into something that I would never return from, which was why when I ran into Lucien Solbrax in the main corridor, I felt myself slip. Further than ever before.
''So, they let you leave, did they?'' Lucien barked at me
He slides into my path, blocking my way. A crowd waits behind him as if they have planned this. He continues. ''Did you lie to them? Or are they just stupid?''
My hands clench, knuckles turning white and jaw clenched. ''Move'' I say.
''Me? Move? Why should I?'' Lucien tilts his head. ''You have caused nothing but death and are a danger to us all. You are a curse. If you had died first, the rest of us would of been safe.''
Something snaps in me again, the pressure I had been holding down for days surged upwards like boiling water, my vision blurs around the edges and my voice erupted before I could stop it.
''It's not my fault, I didn't choose any of it. I didn't ask to be attacked, or hunted or followed. I didn't want anyone to die, especially for me. I would rather it had been me than any of them, do you understand? I wish it was me who died.''
Lucien blinked, not expecting my speech or the volume it left my mouth. His smirk faded, replaced by something sharper.
''So dramatic.'' He says slowly. ''And completely predictable.''
Before Lucien could speak again, someone steps into view beside him.
Thorne.
He looks torn, between annoyance and something that almost resembles guilt. His hands tighten as he clenches them by his sides.
''I-I thought that was you, Veryrin.'' His voice is soft and steady. He looks to the floor and continues. '' I thought that you were responsible for what happened. I was wrong. Lucien twisted the events and he strung me along. I saw your ripped cloak and tunic before they were swapped. You had Nightmaw blood on you, you actually fought a Nightmaw with no Lightscar and came out alive.''
My breath catches, not expecting this from him. Apparently Lucien didn't expect this either. 'You're apologising? To him? Really?'' Lucien huffed.
Thorne continues, his eyes focused by my feet. ''I-I'm glad you didn't die, I don't expect you to forgive me for blaming you, but anything you need from now on. I've got you. Even if it's against this bastard next to me.
The words hit harder than they should have, I don't know if im ready to accept, but im glad he saw the truth. Glad I can call on him if needed. His eyes found mine and he smiles and bows his head. Everyone gasps, for once, someone is bowing to the Scarless.
Footsteps rushed towards us with great speed, Rell found us first followed by Seras. Both of their breaths were uneven and their faces flushed. They stood behind me without hesitation, Rell took the position to my right. Seras to the left. Thorn remains in front of me, this time his back shielding me from the angry mob.
Lucien's lip curled. ''How touching. A group of misfits defending a walking calamity.''
Students behind Lucien who had been watching finally find the courage to speak and step closer, hurling insults at me.
''He should of stayed in the forest.''
''He is cursed.''
''The bringer of death.''
''He should not be here.''
''It would be better if he just died.''
The last sentence cut through everything else. My chest tightens so suddenly my breathing becomes erratic and my vision darkens my surroundings. The hallway around me twists, I can't tell who said it or where it came from, it echoed off every wall and crawled under my skin. Burrowing into my soul.
Rell shouts to me, I could not hear it. Seras reaches for my arm but her hands feel distant. Thorne looks to be calling my name but the sound is muffled. The world around me shrinks and the air thins. My lungs pull nothing in and my fingers tingle. No sound could escape me as my throat constricts. I need to leave, away from everyone somewhere quiet. Before anyone could stop me I bolted.
People gasped stepping aside, the pressure in my chest grew with every step and my vision pulses with each sound of laughter following from my rear. I didn't think about where I was going, I just ran. I slid down a wall after running for what felt like forever. I clutch at the fabric over my chest trying to tear it from me, as if the fabric itself was choking my body.
I look around to make sure no one can see me, I'm alone. A secluded storage cupboard used rarely for supplies. The words from the hall cause havoc inside my head, I can feel them smashing through every fibre of my being.
It would be better if he just died.
It would be better if he just died.
It would be better if he just died.
The words don't stop, my breathing doesn't slow down. My heart keeps racing and I can't stop my body from trembling.