"All right. I'm not going to lie to you, Rei."
She doesn't say anything, so I keep going. There's no point trying to soften it, and even if I wanted to, she asked for the truth herself.
"Yes. I've killed. A lot of people. And I've drunk blood too."
The color drains slowly out of Rei's cheeks, and within seconds she's gone completely white. Her eyes start to tremble as they hold on me. They turn glassy, then wet, and finally tears spill over and run down her face.
I check her aura again. The upper layer is still as turbulent as before, but now one color clearly dominates the rest, and that color is violet. Fear.
Hah... Well, the strange thing here would be if she weren't afraid. I'm not going to mock her for it, or try to talk her out of it with a few well-chosen words. She just heard that her childhood friend has killed people, and it would worry me a lot more if she took that well.
Still, before her imagination runs too far, there are a few things I need to say.
"Most of the ones I've killed were other monsters."
"Monsters...?"
Her shoulders shake as she studies my face, like she's looking for some sign of whether I'm lying to her.
"Those monsters... Ghouls and Parasytes? A-although, given what you are, I suppose vampires too."
"Umu."
I nod.
"Since when?"
"Mm?"
"How long have you been fighting those things?"
"Since I was a kid. The first ghoul I ran into was when I was six."
Rei brings a hand to her mouth and lets out a small gasp, and though I can't see what's going on inside that head of hers, drawing a few accurate conclusions isn't hard. She's rearranging the strange stories the kids and adults used to tell about me, how I looked back then, the rumors that I was a ghoul that she always insisted were lies, and every time I did something that had no possible explanation. Six years old. She met me at exactly six years old.
"Wait... You said 'most.' You said most of the ones you've killed were monsters. That means-"
"Yes. I've killed humans too."
Her hand closes tight around the edge of the bench.
Now, at this point I could tell her I only killed the ones who came to kill me first, and in most cases that would be entirely true. But I'm not going to use that as an excuse.
I have no interest in presenting myself to her as a victim who had no other choice, because it wouldn't be completely honest. The truth is that the lives of people who mean nothing to me don't mean much either, and they never have. If someone gets in my way or in the way of my people, I remove them, and then I sleep perfectly well.
That said, I haven't left the house to kill inocent people out of boredom either. Killing gives me no particular joy, it's something I do when it's needed. There may have been something close to pleasure in my heart in my early years, I'll admit that, but the Arata of today is a little different.
What gives the Arata of today a rush is facing something strong. That makes me feel alive.
Rei takes in a big breath and lets it out. From the look on her face earlier I can tell she was already expecting a similar answer, but hearing it confirmed hurts her more than when I told her I killed monsters.
"Idiot..."
Biting her lip, to my surprise she raises her fist and punches me in the arm. It's a weak hit that doesn't hurt, and I don't think she even tried to put much force behind it.
Rei looks up.
"The people you've killed probably weren't innocent."
She pauses briefly, taking the time to look me straight in the eyes.
"But you don't want to make excuses, do you?"
I press my lips together a little.
"I know you well enough to know what you're thinking right now."
Rei shakes her head.
"You're not trying to convince me you're a good person so I'll forgive you. Maybe you think you are, but... the truth is I wasn't afraid of Touka. Or of Rize. And I'm not afraid of you now either."
"Uh, seriously?"
"It's strange, isn't it?"
I scratch my cheek and give her a smile that comes out a little stiff.
"I won't deny it."
"Well, to me it isn't that strange. I've been with all of you for years. And not once did it cross my mind that any of them would want to hurt me, not even while I was running out of there. Not them and not you. That doesn't change because I saw a couple of weird things today. But I was surprised, and a lot. I needed to think, and I couldn't think inside that house with everyone looking at me. That's why I ran. Of course, I won't deny that I felt a little scared when you told me you killed..."
Her tone settles as she talks, and after a while she lets out a long sigh.
"Now that I think about it, those idiots must be worried."
She raises a hand and wipes the tears with the back of it. Her face isn't as pale as it was a moment ago.
"I'm going to have to scold them a bit. Quite a bit, actually. Running out like that probably gave them a real scare. And you..."
She leaves the sentence unfinished, her red eyes narrowing and losing their shine. I assume she meant it to come across as threatening, though honestly it just looks cute.
I feel relief settle in my chest, like a fire in the middle of a frost. Because at first I thought she'd make some dramatic scene of "all of you are monsters, stay away from me." But thankfully it didn't turn out that way. Rei is still Rei, getting angry at us, calling us idiots, and treating me exactly the same as she would any other day.
I lift my hand and rest it on her head before running it through her soft hair.
"Mnh. Let go of me."
She huffs, but doesn't move away.
After that the two of us sit there without saying anything for a while. It reminds me of when I was younger, back when Rei used to invite me to play with her at the park.
Rei looks toward a nearby streetlight, which flickers once, and then slowly turns her head toward me.
"Hey, Arata."
"Mm?"
"Do you... regret being a monster?"
"..."
Do I regret being what I am?
I open my mouth to answer.
"Found them at last."
A voice comes from the area around the streetlight that's been flickering since we got here, so the two of us look over and see four silhouettes.
"Kekekeke. Looks like we've found two people who could be dinner tonight. Didn't anyone teach these kids not to go out alone after dark? Kekeke..."
The one in front is a fairly large man dressed in white, wearing a white mask with two holes for the eyes and smaller ones scattered across the surface. He's the one who spoke first.
But the ugly laugh belongs to one of the three behind him. All three wear Aogiri masks and hoods, and all of them already have their kagunes out, one shaped like a heavy shield, another a wing of pulsing flesh, and another something like a tail covered in scales.
Aogiri ghouls. The ones who split off from Ayato's group.
That shrill laugh makes Rei's whole body shake. When she found out Touka and Rize were ghouls she was certainly afraid, no matter what she said a moment ago. Maybe after thinking it over for a long time, and after talking with me for a while, that fear settled down considerably.
But that fear was a confused kind of fear. Something like when a shocking fact gets thrown in your face and everything goes blurry.
The fear she has right now is far more genuine. After all, there are four strangers talking about us like we're food. I suppose it makes sense. The monsters she knows don't scare her, rhese ones do.
I stand up from the bench.
"Stay here."
Before I can take a step, Rei grabs my hand. Her fingers are shaking, and when I look at her I see panic in her eyes.
"W-wait. Wait, Arata..."
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes! But this isn't the time for that! We have to run!"
"..."
I stay quiet for a second and then laugh out loud, which makes Rei jump.
"Run? Who exactly do we have to run from, Rei?"
She's left without words, her pupils shrinking as she looks at me. Probably because she's never heard me use that voice before.
I let go of her hand carefully, turn around and start walking toward them. I walk calmly until I'm a few meters from the group, and then I smile with all my teeth showing.
"So you finally decided to show yourselves."
"Hoh?"
The big ghoul tilts his head while making a sound of surprise.
"You knew we were here, brat?"
I shrug. They'd parked themselves two houses down from Touka's place, and when they saw Rei run, they followed her. But I'd appeared in front of Rei before they could do anything, so they hung back and just tailed us to this park.
"Kekeke."
The ghoul with the shrill, irritating laugh licks his lips beneath the mask that's open at the mouth, his eyes glowing crimson before he continues.
"Well, whatever. Ayato-kun must have captured those girls by now. According to our information they were close to you, Chimera. Though now that I think about it... I remember all those girls were pretty good-looking. So before we hand them over, maybe we could-"
"Quiet."
The ghoul explodes into an enormous cloud of blood. Torn, mangled flesh splatters the others' masks and clothes.
Under the streetlight, the night mist is painted red.
×××
You can read advanced chapters on my Pa treon
pa treon.com/OlwinMoriarty