"She needs to sleep, mom. We better head up," I said, letting my exhausted girlfriend lay her head on my shoulder.
"I'm fine," Stacy said with a yawn, her eyes closing.
"Please don't give her that kind of power. We'll never sleep and I'm so—" Willow groaned.
"So what, Willow?" I said, daring her to tell our blissfully unaware mother how drunk she was.
She was sober enough to know to keep to the shadows and not out herself to our mom, but I knew all her tricks.
"I'm going to make more coffee. You don't mind, do you Stacy dear?" my mom asked, heading back into the kitchen.
Being the angel she was, Stacy said, "I could go all night" completely without the intent of making my dick twitch.
How fucking sweet was my girl? She could barely keep her eyes open and my come was probably dry on her legs by now. There was something wrong with me for thinking about this in the same room as my mom and sister, but the overwhelming love I felt for Stacy for making tonight happen for me made me want to fill her up with another load of come.
"Go and sleep it off. I'll cover for you," I said to Willow with a sigh, who stumbled her way to Stacy and I and hugged us both.
"You're the greatest. He really is amazing. When he loves you, you can get away with anything," Willow said, kissing my cheek, an affectionate drunk. "But you know that, don't you Stacy?"
"I do," said my sleepy girlfriend, her cheeks turning light pink.
Stacy's head was still resting on my shoulder. Her closed eyes fluttered open for a brief moment to give me a dreamy look before they fell shut again.
"Fuck off before I change my mind Willow," I said with a smile.
I was so happy, these walls not having contained so much laughter in years, that the next part completely caught me off guard.
When my mom returned from the kitchen, having gotten the coffee maker going, she opened up a cabinet and said, "Would you like to see some family photos, Stacy?"
I immediately tensed up. Stacy must have felt it because she lifted her head, searching my face for what had caused this sudden change.
"What's wrong?" she whispered to me.
Willow's arms fell away quickly and before I knew it, drunk as she was, she headed over to my mom saying, "Mom, don't do this."
"Let's just go upstairs, okay?" I said to Stacy, who wrapped her arms around my arm when she saw me start to panic.
"I can't show my son's girlfriend photos of his childhood? Don't be silly, Willow," said my mom, coming towards Stacy and I, album in hand.
Willow followed hot on our mom's heels. The closer my mom got to us, the further away I wanted to be from her. From anyone. I pulled away from Stacy and started walking backwards. When my mom and Willow landed next to Stacy, the latter froze, not knowing what to do.
"This is the day he was born," said my mom. "Isn't he the most beautiful baby boy you've ever seen?"
I knew the photo well. It was the first time Jeff held me.
"Mom, stop. You know this shit pisses him off. Just stop," Willow thundered, grabbing the album out of her hands and slamming it down on the table.
"You can't just cut him out forever, Scott. You've got to let it go, baby," said my mom, her voice so gentle.
I knew she meant well, but it was like she was betraying her eighteen year old son all over again. Taking Jeff's side over mine.
"After what you and Jeff did, he can do whatever the fuck he wants," said Willow, my champion, walking right past Stacy to wrap her arms around me.
"I'm okay," I said, withdrawing from her calmly.
"When are you going to stop pushing him to make yourself feel better? It's fucking bullshit. Fuck Jeff. He's gone, mom. When are you going to accept that?" Willow yelled at my mom, storming out and up the stairs ahead of me.
Willow was who I wished I could be when it came to my mom and Jeff, but whenever it came up I just felt so dead inside. Something I hadn't felt in a while, since Stacy became mine. But here it was again and I couldn't even look at her.
"I'll be upstairs," I said, my eyes cast down, following Willow out of the room even as the sounds of my mom crying in the background hit my ears.
"Scottie wait," Stacy called after me, but it was like I couldn't hear her.
My mind turned against me and suddenly it wasn't just Jeff or my mom to cause me pain. She was going to do it too when she ran. My girl. My whole universe. I wasn't ready for that. I had to get away.
She's just like Jeff. I'm going to be fucked up beyond repair when she leaves.
Ten minutes later, I was staring up at the ceiling, waiting for her to walk through that door. The numbness quickly turned into a hot, burning ache, spreading throughout my body like a virus. Why hadn't she come after me? I thought for sure she would, that she'd want to hold me. I was always fucking going after her. When would she come after me for a change?
I remembered waking up in that hotel room alone. The days leading up to the wedding. When she stopped talking to me for days after she thought I had flirted with Jenny. When she called Luca to come and take her away. It fucking destroyed me every time, but I went after her anyway. Even when the only way to be with her was giving everything up, I was all in. Why wasn't she? Was I not enough?
"Fuck," I cursed, jumping up from the bed, walking to the door and yanking the door open.
Where the fuck was she? I had to know. Even if it meant going to get her. Running after her one more time.
I crept halfway down the stairs before I saw her handing my mom a tissue and I felt my whole body relax. My mom was in tears, but I couldn't make my feet go any further. Just seeing Stacy would have to be enough for now.
"Please don't give up on him. That dead look he gets in his eyes sometimes, I did that to him," my mom said through sniffles. "I didn't protect him from what happened with his father and now he trusts no one. He certainly doesn't trust me the way he used to." She grabbed Stacy's hand, looking up at her with hopeful eyes and said, "But I think it could be different with you. He's so happy with you. You're someone he can trust."
But was she? I believed in us so blindly. Was I wrong to love her so madly? Unable to stay for the rest, I crept back up the stairs as the guilt of hurting my mom washed over me anew.
At some point, I gave up trying to convince her of the affair, because I couldn't take the pain in her eyes every time I told her the truth. I even found ways to avoid Melissa and Jeff. But when I found out he knocked her up from a pregnancy test she didn't even think to not dump in our bathroom, I knew I had to try one more time.
It killed me that it took Melissa getting pregnant for my mom to finally believe me. How could my mom have let things carry on for so long? She was right about me having trust issues now because of what went down with her and Jeff.
All this time, I thought my troubles with relationships were all about Jeff doing what he did, but now I realize it wasn't that simple. The whole truth was just too painful to face. Deep down, I think I've always known that I lost faith in more than one parent due to his affair. He might be the reason I couldn't enjoy sticking my dick in women, but my mom was the reason I couldn't trust them. Was that numbness I felt in relationships me actively resisting being vulnerable with women as a result? Have I been making myself miserable because in the end my loving mom's betrayal fucked me up just as much as Jeff's, if not more?
If all that's true, then what the fuck are you, baby? How did you make it into my broken heart, pick up the pieces and
put them back together? You have me on my knees, begging for your love at every turn.