I awoke angry. I tried to sit up and stopped halfway — a hot, stabbing pain around my wound pinned me down. My whole body ached. My eyes locked onto Victor who sat in a chair near my bed.
"Don't move, you're still recovering. The doctor helped you a lot, so just take it easy," Victor said.
I laid back down. I had to train, but I couldn't even move. I had to beat him by
myself. Maybe he was right. I should be killed for the things I've done. I need to prove him wrong. The fever hit, and I drifted back into the past.
A man in a cloak walked into the room. I cleaned my katana while sitting in a chair. He started to whisper to my teacher, he whispered back. Then the cloaked man approached me as I glared at him.
"You're being transferred into an elite group of assassins that I lead. I'm taking a chance on you so don't fuck it up," he said coldly.
"You must be mistaking me for someone else."
"Do you think I'm that fucking stupid to not know who I'm recruiting to my team?" he scolded. "Get all of your shit we're leaving now!"
I put my head down and sadly packed all of my things up. I want to be strong so I can be loved, but my thoughts make me feel undesirable. I don't think I'll ever be loved.
That feeling stung me as I woke up. Then John and Nathan came back to mind. I got out of bed excited, then realized I'm still crippled. I groaned and laid back in bed.
For the next two weeks I'm bedridden. I do nothing besides eat and rest. I felt guilty, it was the first time I've never had to work for a living. My whole life I trained, never stopping. I sat there without purpose.
I finally healed enough to leave the operating room and get driven back to the facility without causing more damage. John and Nathan ran to me as I walked through the front door once again. Chris glanced at me then looked away, and Vigil was asleep like always.
"I'm so glad you're better. You look so much better now. If you ever need anything just let any of us know, kay?" John said.
"Sure," I replied.
I sat on my bunk. Nathan joined me.
"I know how hard it is to be injured when this life is everything. Maybe it's the training or the fulfillment of the job, but I know it hurts and how hard it is waiting. But just know it's only temporary, and when you're healed you'll know it's all worth it. Keep your head up and push through it, and remember I'll always be here for you along with John," Nathan said softly.
I laid down on my bed.
"Nathan, I'm glad I have you around."
"I'm happy to be here for you man."
I shut my eyes before falling back asleep. When I woke up I saw Victor sitting in a chair across from me on his phone. He looked up when I was awake.
"I don't mean to pry too early, but I've been meaning to ask you. What happened?" Victor said quietly.
"An old rival knew I would be there somehow. I honestly forgot he existed until he stabbed me," I said while staring up.
"Was he one of the criminals?"
"No, he posed as an innocent kid my age. He got shot twice before I saw him get up and somehow get a knife and stab me."
"Did he live there?" Victor asked.
"No, it seems like he orchestrated everything the more I think about it. He was only shot in areas that wouldn't kill him. One in his shoulder and one in his leg," I said.
"John said none of the men he encountered were trying to get into the rooms. He said it was like they were meandering around without any goals, he even said some of them weren't carrying weapons at all."
"No, he's so much more obsessed than I thought. He paid them off and I don't even know what else," I said before I started breathing heavily.
Victor got up from his chair and came over to me.
"Calm down, if you stress out your muscles, you'll start bleeding again," Victor said while crouching down at my bedside.
After I got my breathing under control Victor left. I went to bed with one thought creeping on my mind. If he was that obsessed to come up with that plan. He definitely wasn't lying about one of us having to kill the other to end this.
Over the next couple of weeks I spent a lot of time around John and Nathan. Normally it was the three of us sitting on our beds talking about how their missions went. They'd always joke about my scar and how badass it was. The only slightly good thing that came out of all of this. I didn't tell either of them about him, it was easier to just have them think I'm weak.
I was fine with them thinking of me how Chris did. But Chris would always look at me with a smile while others weren't looking, and when they were, his smile would fade. One day he came over to me as I laid in my bed.
"Killer, the more I think about that night. I think about that bloody boy who was running away. Who is he?" Chris said his arms crossed.
"Just some random criminal. I think you forgot, I'm just weak, remember? I'm worthless and all I do is hold you back," I said.
"I saw the hate in his eyes, you don't underestimate someone like that. Let me help you kill him."
"I don't want help from you," I said before rolling to my side and shutting my eyes.
Another month passed by and I could finally move around normally. I still felt very sore and I couldn't walk for very long, but it's much better than being bedridden for multiple days at a time. I try to avoid any sudden movements.
Time started to pass by faster and faster. Now I've started to train very lightly and Nathan gave me some good ideas for low stress exercises. Nathan talked about some of his prior injuries , he related to me a lot. The sadness I felt he talked me through, and whenever I felt down I could lean on him.
The next morning I woke up and immediately went over to the training mats to shadowbox. As I ended my third round John approached me.
"You've been recovering for two months, Killer. Nathan and I were thinking we should go out today, you deserve it," John said.
"I just got better. I have to train."
John's smile turned into a look of sadness. Victor approached out of nowhere.
"Get out of this dark, depressing building Killer. I'll pay for all three of you to go out. Just have fun Killer, this life shouldn't be everything," Victor said.
"Hell yeah! Now you can't say no to freeloading!" John said as he wrapped his arm around my sweaty shoulder.
"Fine,"I said.
"Yeah! We're going to have so much fun. New clothes and 5-star meals. Killer we can get whatever we want!"
"Don't push it Chris. Just be glad you're getting some free shit," Victor said.
Victor left briskly.
"Was he only here for that?" I asked.
"Yeah, pretty nice isn't it?"
Later that day, I got dressed. John decided we're going to the mall. On the walk there I was thinking about something as Nathan and John talked. A new feeling I truly valued. How good it felt to be included and to have reliable friends who actually cared about me. Just walking with them gave me happiness I've never felt before.
"John," Nathan said.
"What's up," Nathan replied.
"I've stopped killing. On my last job I took out some criminals without killing, and it felt good instead of feeling like a burden," Nathan said.
I didn't really feel anything when I didn't kill. When I did kill it was only to fulfill a purpose. If I told them that they would think I was a psychopath. So I stayed silent.
"That is the exact reason I don't kill. Killing is a burden and it helps nobody. It's the feeling of doing something good with your strength, but doesn't lead to any death. It's the right way to do things," John said proudly.
I nodded in agreement to try and fit in, but it looked like it was enough.
"Yeah…it does feel good," I said.
"That feeling won't fade, no matter how many you save. I'm proud, you guys are trying to better this world — we're all making a difference together." John said.
I tried to mimic what Nathan was doing.
"Killer, I was wondering how you got stabbed? I didn't see it happen so I've been curious ever since," John asked.
"John!" Nathan raised his voice.
John looked at Nathan confused. I was happy John changed the topic.
"No, it's fine Nathan. After I took out two criminals on the top floor, a civilian who was shot got up and stabbed me,"
"What! Why would some random person do that to you?" John asked.
I started to think about every part of him that strikes fear into me. The obsession, the hatred, the desire to destroy my life. I started breathing heavily.
"John, stop pressing him! It's clearly traumatized him," Nathan yelled as he put his arm around my shoulder.
"No…I…didn't know Killer I'm sorry," John said sadly.
I stopped in place, putting a hand on my chest. I remembered that look of hatred. He was determined to destroy me and my new life no matter what. Maybe he will be my final kill. I have to kill him.