Hey, Kid.
Hey, Folks.
How have you all been since last we spoke?
I mean... Since last I said a bunch of words in y'all general direction, lol.
It's been...
Interesting in my neck of the woods, to say the least.
Nothing too crazy, just busy, busy, busy.
One notable negative event did transpire yesterday...
My lady's daughter had a miscarriage.
They -as they go as- were just shy of two months along.
I can't imagine how that sort of thing feels, you know?
I am a man.
I have a penis.
I can't become impregnated.
My mind simply isn't built to process anything to do with this sort of thing outside of a strictly medical standpoint, and I don't envy them that.
They have my greatest condolences for their loss, and I hope they and their significant other can heal and go on in a healthy manner.
Life is hard.
It is painful.
It is blunt and cold and unfair at times, you know?
Death is a part of that.
Passing from this side to whatever comes next.
And what happens after we die?
A lot.
A lot, and none of it has anything to do with us, you know?
Hmm.
It is a bittersweet thing, this situation.
Dare I say, I am...
I wouldn't say 'glad' the life was lost sooner and earlier than later, but in a way, I am.
I grew up in foster care after a certain point in my life, and I know and have seen some of the darkest corners this planet has to offer, as well as some of the brightest...
It is better to have passed and never experienced any of this than to have formed some semblance of a life, just to have it torn away by nature or not, you know?
Hmm, and hmm again.
I lost my Godson a couple of years back now to a pair of heartless, soulless beings.
He was just five years old.
You want to know something?
I would have rather he left then than at 55 years old.
To lose a child is to lose a shard of who we are.
To lose an elder is to lose a library of who we were.
I hope you don't have to experience loss on either side of that scale any time soon.
I will leave you all at that, and I hope you enjoy this newest entry, yeah?
Enjoy.
(Climbs into the control seat of the Slappery-Slappish-Slappington 3000.1, wishing it could do more than just go back and forth in such a linear manner...)
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July 4th, 2022.
9:39 am.
-----
Dear You.
Where are you?
Unfortunately, I HAVE to have a significant other
In order to make you...
I wish I could just pull you out of myself.
I just want you...
I want to be happy...
That is selfish.
You don't have a choice in it...
Such is life.
I'm sorry.
I hope your life has been good so far while you read this.
I hope so.
-Dad.
-----
(Pops back into 2026, kinda wishing I hadn't...)
Hmm.
Quick and dirty.
I like it.
I was down that day.
A lot of people celebrate holidays here in North America that almost REQUIRE you to have children in order to truly and fully enjoy the experience, you know?
I don't...
I STILL don't have you, Kid.
Still no You.
Unfortunately, it takes two humans to make a third miniature human, and although I've recently started an amazing, healing, healthy relationship with another human like me, she is unable to bear more children than what she already has.
Hmm.
Unless we aren't meant to make it, or I cheat on her, you simply will never come to be.
I am monogamous, and loyal, at that.
My significant other is bisexual, but again, I am monogamous, and so is she, so a tertiary party wouldn't do unless we went the surrogacy route, and that is quite pricey.
More pricey than we will ever be able to afford.
Hmm, and hmm again.
Where are you, Kid?
Seriously...
I may just be delusional...
But I swear I feel you.
I feel you floating around me like you are supposed to be here.
I know you are.
This life doesn't feel right... Complete without you.
I hope that if you are out there, things are going well for you.
You are happy.
You are healthy.
You are thriving.
I hope that you are living your best life by any and all means necessary, whatever that means, because you didn't ask to be here.
None of us did.
Not me, not whoever your mother is, not any of the people around you.
We just suddenly become aware of the fact that we exist at some young age, and we just keep going as if nothing happened, and as if none of us have anything but fuzzy memories of what it was like to be a child at some point in our lives.
Is that not weird to you?
Mayhap I just think too much and overthink it at that.
This ever-rambling brain of mine.
I will leave you all at that, lol.
I feel as if I've said a whole lot of nothing, lbvs.
Thank you all kindly for returning to read this weekly; it means the world to me, as I hope you all know by now!
I love you all in the most non-weird way possible, you know?
And You, Kid?
I suppose I love you just as much as a guy can love something and someone that he's never had, yeah?
Hmm.
*Update.
Since I last wrote, I may very well be single...
So, um...
Yeah.
I know I JUST told y'all about her, but...
Hmm.
Maybe I am the problem?
Maybe I am not nearly as good at communicating as I think I am?
Or...
Maybe I am a really good fuck.
A good bed buddy...
Maybe I am good at being used?
At serving a purpose?
I don't know...
I don't know what I am supposed to know, and I don't know what I shouldn't know.
Maybe I don't, and I never will, have kids for a reason.
The world would be better off without a second version of me here.
Bah...
Third time's the charm, right?
Maybe I am just meant to start over just ONE more time?
I guess we will see in a couple of months, huh?
Lbvs.
I am a mess...
A hot one?
Nah...
Like a 6/10, maybe.
A warm mess.
A poetic mess...
A 37-year-old who has yet to really figure it out.
Bah, and bah again.
Thank you all for being here for me.
That means more than these digital words will ever be able to communicate.
See you all back here soon, yeah?
I promise I won't be so gray next time around.
My bad, Kid.
My bad, Folks.
Just...
Just a bit tired of being tired, you know?
Safe travels, Folks.
You as well, Kid.
And as always;
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.