Dearest Daddy.
This is the story about my first true love.
No you freaky shits , it's not like that.
He's my papa . And I'm his daughter.
I don't know what am I doing writing a hate page about him when there's a higher risk of it sounding like a love letter ?
But love him , I do.
I do . I do . I do.
But what I don't know is I'm invisible to him.
His eyes for the world , not for me.
He's made up his mind about me already.
But did you look at me daddy ?
But I see you . I see you .
And it's safe to say I hate you.
I hate you from the bottom of my heart.
I have a heart big like yours but while yours is filled with love for someone else.
Mine only filled with you.
Every couple has a meet cute.
Is it okay to have a meet cute with your dad ?
I know I did.
I remember the relief i felt when I first saw his eyes.
Such kindness they hold , such beauty.
It wasn't for me but, beauty is beauty.
I had a meet cute with him too
I was 5 .
I was a sensitive child
Ooh very very sensitive , my mom never liked that about me.
Has a problem with slides , swings , horses , nothing like a normal child.
Normal child likes slides , swings , horses.
But you , daddy , you never said anything.
I assumed it was to protect me.
Don't want to burden a baby who's already trying to be fixed by your wife.
But no , now I know better , you didn't even know , didn't even know.
You should have known.
I get carried away , but I need to tell to whoever is willing to listen to.
How this beautiful man entered my heart.
At the age of 5 I was,
We are in a park
There are horses around
Street smells like horseshit and something that smells like food nearby.
And kids on horses.
My mom looks at me expectantly
Turn to get on the horse .
How do I tell her it terrifies me , the movement making me feel so dizzy
But look at the others kids Sarah , they are doing it
What's wrong with you
I go to this man
My Daddy.
Why don't you sit with me on the horse , it could be fun papa
I say hoping he doesn't see how scared I am
Dying for him to see how scared I am.
I don't sit on horses he says in that voice that does something to my heart
Is that relief I feel ?
Such kindness in his voice
Why ? Why not ?
How is it that I'm forced but he isn't my dumb brain tells me
Because it hurts them , he says his eyes going distant.
I think he's thinking about his father , his father who's dead.
But does he know , my eyes close in on him ?
How does he know it hurts them
Hurt how ? I ask confused
When I sit on the horse he says
I'm heavy so the horse sways
They whip to make him stay
They hit the horse , his skin might as well flay
Ooh that gave me jitters
Such kindness , how big his heart is
And then I look at him, eyes full of something you would call love
I call it idealisation
Such kindness this angel holds
In his eyes , in his voice
I use that an excuse when mumma comes to put me in the saddle
It hurts them mama I say
She let's it go
And I'm in love
He saved me
And I look at him , realising what a gem this one is
But he isn't even looking at me.