Zindagi ke kuch chapters aise hote hain jahan zyada kuch nhi hota phir bhi sab kuch badal jata hai.. chapter 3 meri kahani ka wahi hissa tha. Bahar ki duniya bilkul wahi thi logon zimmedariyan ,roz ka routine, lekin mere andar kuch dheere dheere badal raha tha . Main kisi se ladah nhi rahi thi .. bas khud se thodi door ho gayi thi ... aur shayad ye baat sabse zyada chubhne wali thi....
Raz subha uthan tayaar hona, aur bin kuch sochein samajhe din ki shuruaat kar dena
Meri adat ban gayi thi main kaam karti thi ,logon se baat bhi karti , logon ke taane bhi sunti thi ,aur vo sab sun ke muskuraati bhi thi par ye sab ek dikahawa lagne laga tha . Andar hi andar lagta tha jaise mai apni zindagi ki ek spectator ban gayi hoon . Main jee nhi rahi thi ,bas nibha rahi thi.. ek din achanak maine khud ko rock liye .. maine socha, thoda rukhna zaroori hai , phone side mein rakha, shor se door baith gayi , aur pheli baar apne aap ko samhj ne ki koshish ki , apne khayalon ko sunne ki koshisi ki, apne khayalon ko sune ki khoshish ki , apne khayalon ko sunny ki khoshi ki ye assan nyi tha
Khamoshi mein purani baatein adhoore sapne aur daba hua darr sab samne aa gaye . Par shayad yahi zaroori tha
Mujhe yaad aaya ki bachpan mein main bina wajah khush ho jaati thi chhoti se baat bhi dil ko bhar deti thi . Tab kisi se compare nhi hota tha , na hi kisi ke standards ya report ko dekh kar judge nhi karte Dheere dheere zindagi ne lekin ye nhi sikhaya ki thakna bhi normal hai
Logon ne mujhe hamesha samajdaar air zimmedar nhi samjha ... unki ye jhooti tareef bhi ek expectation ban gayi ... main un expectations ko apne farz maan liya . Isi chakkar mai mein kahin nhi kahi maine apni awaaz ko daba diya . Main jo chahti thi , wo kehne se pehle hi daar jati thi ki kahi koi naraaz na hojaye ....
Shaam ka waqt tha jab maine khud se sabse sachacha sawal pocha "kya main apni zindagi apne liye jee rahi hon ??" Is sawal ka jawab turant nhi mila ,par dil ne ek halka sa ishara diya.. mujhe jab samjh aaya ki mai perfect banner ki koshish mein real rehna bhool gayi thi.
Fir raat chat pe baitha kar asman ko dekha
Taare kam chamak rahe the , par wahan the mujhe laga , shayad main bhi aisi hi hoon ... har di. Best nhi hota , par iska matlab ye nhi ki main bear hoon ... sirf zinda rehna aur aage badha te rehna bhi ek achievement hoti hai
Maine diary mein likha "mujhe har cheez control mein rakhi zaroori nhi , mujhe har din strong dikhna bhi zaroori nhi .. ye likhte hi dil halka ho gaya. ....