Jake didn't go to work.
He called in sick at 7 AM, listening to the phone ring six times before his boss picked up. Mr. Henderson sounded distracted, and In the background he could hear multiple voices talking over each other.
"Jake? Yeah, fine, whatever. Half the office called out anyway. Just... look, we're probably closing for the rest of the week, Government's telling everyone to stay home until they figure out what the hell is going on. Check your email."
The line went dead.
Jake sat on the edge of his bed, phone still pressed to his ear staring at the blue screen that had followed him from the bedroom to the bathroom to the kitchen and back.
[QUEST TIMER: 6 DAYS, 9 HOURS, 15 MINUTES REMAINING]
It hadn't been a dream, part of him had desperately hoped it would be that he'd wake up and the world would be normal again, and his biggest problem would be spreadsheets and stolen lunches.
But no, the System was real and the floating blue text was real, and according to every news site, Twitter thread and YouTube video he'd consumed over the past three hours while nursing terrible coffee, the monsters were very very real.
Jake pulled up the news on his laptop, every major outlet was running 24-hour coverage.
CNN had a split screen: one side showing a press conference, the other showing aerial footage of what they were calling a "Dungeon Break" in Los Angeles. The hole in the ground was massive, easily thirty feet across and things were crawling out of it. Things with too many legs, things that moved wrong.
A group of people... System holders, the chyron identified them and were fighting at the perimeter. Jake watched a woman create a wall of ice from nothing. A man swinging a sword that glowing like a lightsaber, another person throwing fireballs like it was the most natural thing in the world.
It was surreal. Like watching a movie, except it was happening in downtown LA in broad daylight and people were dying.
The death toll scrolled across the bottom of the screen. Forty-three confirmed and hundreds injured. The dungeon wasn't closed yet.
Jake's stomach churned.
His phone buzzed. Marcus again.
Marcus (Work): Dude you still alive?
Marcus (Work): This is insane
Marcus (Work): Im freaking out
Marcus (Work): My system wants me to go FIGHT those things
Marcus (Work): I've never been in a fight in my life bro...
Marcus (Work): i do EXCEL
Jake replied.
Jake: I'm alive. Got a system too.
The response was immediate.
Marcus (Work): WTF! WHAT DID YOU GET?
Marcus (Work): I'm a warrior class. strength based, i have a QUEST to enter a dungeon
Marcus (Work): A FUCKING DUNGEON DUDE.
What did you get???
Jake paused staring at his phone.
What was he supposed to say? Hey Marcus, I got the porn system. Wanna compare quest objectives?
Jake: It's complicated. Not a combat class.
Marcus (Work): Oh thank god. So you're safe then?
Marcus (Work): support class? healer?
Jake: Something like that.
The lying was draining but what else could he say?
Marcus (Work): Lucky. im trying to figure out if i can just... not do the quest...
Marcus (Work): But it says failure penalty is system revocation and without the system...
Jake: Yeah. I know.
They texted back and forth for a while longer, Marcus was spiraling, oscillating between terror and a manic sort of excitement. He'd already gained a level somehow, apparently just accepting the quest gave experience and he kept sending updates of his stats, his skills, his equipment menu.
Jake listened more than he contributed. Like what was he going to share? His F-rank Technique score?
Eventually Marcus had to go, his system was insisting he complete a tutorial and he wanted to get it over with.
Marcus (Work): Stay safe man
Marcus (Work): This is fucking crazy
Marcus (Work): Talk later?
Jake: Yeah. Later.
Jake set his phone down and looked at the blue screen still floating patiently nearby.
"Alright," he said to the empty apartment. "I can't avoid this forever, show me the tutorial."
The screen pulsed once, twice, then expanded.
[TUTORIAL INITIALIZING...]
[WELCOME TO THE DEGENERATE POPULARITY SYSTEM]
[PREPARING PERSONALIZED GUIDE...]
The blue light brightened and suddenly there was something else in his apartment.
Someone else.
She appeared in a burst of pink sparkles... actually sparkles, like a magical girl transformation floating about three feet off the ground. She was small, barely four feet tall if she'd been standing, with a figure that was exaggerated in the way cartoon characters were. Pink hair in twin tails with Tiny horns poking out from her head, a heart shaped tail swishing behind her. She wore what could charitably be called lingerie and uncharitably be called a few strategic strips of leather.
Her eyes were huge, violet and sparkling with manic enthusiasm.
"Hiiiii~!" she chirped, her voice painfully cheerful. "Welcome, welcome... WELCOME to the Popularity System! I'm your personal guide and administrator but you can call me Admin #69! Nice to meet you, Jake!"
Jake stared.
"What tha F...."
Then he grabbed his pillow and screamed into it again.
When he surfaced, Admin #69 was still there with head tilted curiously.
"Are you done?" she asked brightly.
"No," Jake said into the pillow. "Give me a minute."
"Take your time! Existential crisis is a normal part of the onboarding process!"
Jake screamed into the pillow one more time for good measure, then lowered it slowly. "You're a succubus."
"Chibi succubus!" Admin #69 corrected, doing a little twirl in midair. Her tail made a heart shape. "Custom designed for maximum adorability and minimum intimidation! Market research showed that users respond better to cute guides rather than scary ones."
"Market research," Jake repeated numbly.
"Yep! The System overlords are very thorough. They ran like a million simulations to optimize user experience." She pulled a clipboard out of nowhere... literally nowhere, it just appeared in her hands and consulted it. "Let's see... Jake Chen, twenty-five, data entry specialist, average social skills, below average confidence, virginity lost at age twenty-one to..."
"OKAY," Jake said loudly. "We don't need to go through my entire history."
"But it's all relevant to your starting parameters!" Admin #69 protested. "Your psychological profile, your relationship history, even your browsing habits..."
"Please stop talking."
"...Your preferred categories, average session duration, typical..."
"I'm begging you."
Admin #69 giggled. "Fine, fine! I'm just teasing. Mostly anyway!" She dismissed the clipboard with a wave of her hand. "Let's talk about your System! The Degenerate Popularity System or DPS for short, is one of the rarest system types. There are only forty seven holders worldwide!"
"Lucky me," Jake muttered.
"You joke, but it's actually a very powerful system!" Admin #69 floated closer, her expression becoming more serious. "Most people underestimate desire based power structures but lust, attraction, charisma these are fundamental forces of human nature. Your system taps into that."
Jake rubbed his face. "My system requires me to make porn."
"Adult content," Admin #69 corrected. "There's a difference! Porn is just sex. Adult content is an art form! It's about performance, presentation, building desire, creating fantasy..."
"It's porn."
"It's CONTENT CREATION with adult themes," Admin #69 insisted. "And yes, you'll need to create it to level up, but that's not all the system does! You'll also gain real, tangible power. Physical enhancements, reality manipulation, Combat abilities and more."
"Combat abilities," Jake said skeptically. "From a porn system."
"Adult content system," Admin #69 said through gritted teeth, which was impressive given how cheerful her voice remained. "And yes! Let me show you!"
She snapped her fingers, and a dozen screens appeared around Jake's apartment, each displaying different information.
"Your system has four primary stat categories," Admin #69 began, flying from screen to screen like an overenthusiastic teacher. "CHARISMA affects your natural appeal and persuasiveness. STAMINA determines your physical endurance. TECHNIQUE covers your actual skills in intimate situations. APPEAL is your physical attractiveness. PRODUCTION relates to content creation quality. And LUCK affects random chance events."
Jake looked at his stats, still displayed in the corner of his vision.
"Why is my Technique an F?" he asked, even though he wasn't sure he wanted to know.
"Because you're bad at sex!" Admin #69 said cheerfully.
"Thanks. I got that but how does the System know that?"
"The System knows everything about you, Jake. It scanned your entire life when it bonded to you, every experience, every memory, every..."
"That's horrifying."
"That's efficient! Anyway, your Technique score is based on actual performance metrics. Partner satisfaction, duration, creativity, attentiveness, skill application..."
"Okay, I get it, I'm bad at sex," Jake interrupted. "Can we move on?"
Admin #69 consulted her clipboard again. "Your current stats give you a baseline to work from. As you level up and complete quests, you'll improve but you can also improve through practice!"
"Practice."
"Yes! Both in content creation and real world encounters. Every experience generates Desire Points, which contribute to your level progression. The better the experience, the more points you generate."
Jake felt a headache forming behind his eyes. "So I have to... practice, to get better and then to make better content. To get more followers. To level up. To not die to monsters."
"Exactly!" Admin #69 clapped her hands together. "You're catching on!"
"This is insane."
"This is the new world! Now, let me explain the point generation system in detail..."
For the next hour, Admin #69 walked Jake through the mechanics of his System with the enthusiasm of someone who genuinely loved their job. She explained Desire Points (DP) and Engagement Energy (EE), the two primary resources. She showed him the skill trees he could unlock, Performance Arts, Production & Content, Reality Manipulation and Combat Applications.
The skill names alone made Jake want to crawl under his bed and stay there.
"Dirty Talk Mastery," Admin #69 read off cheerfully. "Aphrodisiac Aura. Pleasure Amplification. Stamina Infinity. Avatar of Lust..."
"These sound like hentai game skills," Jake said weakly.
"Because they ARE! The System is gamified for user comprehension. People understand game mechanics, so It makes adaptation easier." She pulled up another screen. "Now, for content creation, you'll primarily use the SinStream platform. It's a System generated streaming service accessible only to DPS holders and their audiences."
A new interface appeared sleek and modern with the SinStream logo prominently displayed. It looked like Twitch or OnlyFans had a baby with a video game UI.
"Your profile is already set up," Admin #69 continued. "Username: NotoriousN00b. We can change that if you want, but..."
"NotoriousN00b?" Jake interrupted. "The System made my username NotoriousN00b?"
"Based on your gaming handles from ages thirteen to seventeen, yes. The System detected a pattern."
Jake put his head in his hands. "I hate everything about this."
"You can change it!"
"To what? SexyDataEntry? ExcelInBed?"
Admin #69 giggled. "Those are actually pretty good! Self-deprecating humor plays well with audiences. But let's focus on your first quest for now."
She pulled up the quest window.
[MANDATORY QUEST: FIRST STEPS]
[OBJECTIVE: GAIN YOUR FIRST 100 FOLLOWERS]
[TIME LIMIT: 7 DAYS]
"Oh... Fuck me."