Lucas approached Irisis, walking along the beach; she already knew he was one of Zesus's followers.
"You're just jealous. Your book isn't considered holy—"
"I don't need to slap the word spiritual on my book for people to read it. I accept rejection from publishers. You, on the other hand, promote the Bible like the apple Adam ate—the one that got him kicked out of heaven. Meanwhile, I'm the woman who conceived the idea that he should eat the apple that separated humans from GOD."
"You're saying Adam sinned against GOD—"
"No. Eve didn't force the apple into Adam's hands. She was treated like the snake who tempted him. So Eve became the Lolita—packaged, blamed, and bottled like perfume—only to be wiped onto Zesus's feet."
"Adam wouldn't have sinned if it weren't for Eve—"
"Adam saw himself as a son of GOD, too pure to be considered guilty—the same delusion Zesus carried when he walked the earth."
"So what are you saying?"
"Zesus was the reincarnation of Adam. He saw Mary's untouched body as proof of holiness. Tell me—how is GOD not responsible for Zesus's existence if Mary had no choice but to birth him?"
"Zesus and Adam are two different people—"
"How is it not shocking that the Bible never questions why Mary didn't have Zesus taken from her? After all, the best she could offer him was a cradle of hay. The real miracle was Zesus not being allergic to it."
"Zesus was in good hands. Mary was a good mother—"
"Mary was too poor to have children, yet she kept creating more. Zesus never saw the sin in bringing children into a life you can't provide for, not when he spent his years as a wandering nomad with sermons and sand to his name."
"Zesus's birth wasn't a mistake—"
"Tell that to Herold, who saw Zesus as a threat to his authority. Why do you think the three wise men brought more than gifts when they visited him? They carried a prophecy that demanded fulfillment."
"Which was?"
"That Zesus would be remembered like the star that burned in the sky — and that he would burn for worshiping GOD and accepting miracles that were crimes against nature."
"No! GOD wanted people to worship Zesus for saving them from their sins—"
"Is Zesus not worshiped as the Son of GOD? But tell me — how do you place charges on someone whose crimes you can't arrest him for?"
"Is this because Zesus walked on water?"
"YES! People don't understand the hidden meaning behind Zesus's so‑called miracle — it's not something humanity should celebrate. The wise men weren't just bringing gifts; they were foreshadowing a prophecy that would lead to humanity's suffering."
"Zesus saved Peter's life by walking on water-"
"No, Zesus saved a sinner who later worshiped him. Zesus encouraged his friends to walk on water, bringing too much salt into the ocean."
"You don't know that Zesus's miracle caused damage to the ecosystem—"
"Why does the Dead Sea exist as a monument of salt, too dense for icebergs to form but somehow perfect for mountains of salt to rise like tombstones? People misinterpreted the Bible, thinking Zesus was good for the world. Back then, no one understood the impact of excessive salt. Even Scripture asks, 'Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?' There's a reason the two are kept separate, never meant to be mixed."
"Zesus was good for the world-"
"Why was Mary so grateful for the three wise men's gifts? She received frankincense instead of diapers, gold instead of a blanket, and myrrh instead of anything remotely useful for a newborn. Mary wasn't pious; she was practical in her greed. That's the real lesson three wise men — a cautionary tale about what not to bring to a baby shower."
"Mary was too poor to care what she got when Zesus was born—"
"Poverty doesn't explain everything. Did Mary not care about Zesus's well-being, or did she accept the first excuse offered? Yes, the inn was full, but placing a newborn in a trough of hay surrounded by hungry animals was hardly divine wisdom. It was a health hazard disguised as humility. Zesus's birthplace isn't imitated today — not because it was holy, but because it was unsanitary."
"The animals wouldn't have hurt Zesus—"
"Really? Do donkeys not eat hay? The only miracle that night was the donkey resisting the urge to tip over the makeshift crib to get a snack."
"They had to hide from Herold, who wanted to kill newborn babies—"
"Herold wasn't Zesus's immediate threat the night he was born. The danger wasn't royal; it was rural. People like to imagine the animals gathered in reverence, bowing in holy silence as if they sensed divinity, but animals worship no one. Joseph probably spent the entire night gripping the donkey's reins, not out of awe, but to keep it from nosing into the manger and eating the hay Zesus was lying on. The miracle wasn't divine protection — it was the donkey's temporary restraint."
Lucas cut in. "Life was different back then-"
"Zesus could not help the poor; he was the poor. He didn't sell the perfume the sinful woman gave him because he couldn't afford to." Irisis cut in, her tone slicing through the air.
"He knew the perfume smelled like vanity, and he wore it because it was the curse he'd been blessed with on his birthday. That scent wasn't holiness. It was an obligation. When the only gift you ever receive is luxury you can't eat, you learn to wear it like a burden."
"Zesus was anything but a burden—"
"Yet Zesus was born in a stable because Mary had no money to provide proper housing for him," Irisis shot back. "He knew he would be sold for gold by one of his disciples, because not even the gift of gold at his birth bought him a proper crib to sleep in. The gold didn't save him then, and it wouldn't save him later."
"Mary didn't want gold over Zesus—"
"Did she not?" Irisis countered. "Zesus knew Mary would never have received gold unless he was born. He knew she understood the wealth attached to being the mother of GOD. So he cursed GOD for making Him his father."
"Zesus wanted GOD for his father—"
"Zesus was foolish," Irisis cut in. "When he saw the wise man's eyes as he handed him frankincense, he recognized the truth. It wasn't reverence. It was regret. His own father had come disguised among them, already wishing the child had never been born—because GOD wanted to be king, not compete with his own son."
"No, the wise men weren't Zesus's father—"
"Then explain how they knew about his birth," Irisis snapped. "Think, Lucas. Herold wanted Zesus dead, yes — but Herold wanted to foreshadow that death. Why else bring gifts that reeked of vanity and burial? The wise men didn't just arrive; they were summoned by the scent of a prophecy already unfolding."
"No. GOD is Zesus's father—"
"Herold knew Zesus would eventually uncover the truth of his existence," Irisis cut in. "He knew the boy would grow into the same hunger he carried himself—the desire to be king at any cost. Was he not already called king of the Jews? Herold feared that Zesus's ambition would mirror his own, and that his selfishness would cost him every friendship he had left. That's why he wanted the child dead."
"An Angel visited Mary, announcing her pregnancy—"
"Mary saw what she needed to see," Irisis countered. "The 'angel' was sent by Herold himself. He knew she would trust any voice that promised meaning after what she'd endured. Herold didn't need a miracle; he needed a woman desperate to believe one."
"This doesn't make sense! Then why would Herold want Zesus to be dead?"
"Herold knew he had sinned against GOD by forcing Mary to bear a child with him," Irisis replied. "That's why he sought the child's death — to bury the evidence before it could speak."
"No, the wise men weren't Zesus's real father—"
"Herold knew there was a time and a place for everything," Irisis replied. "He understood the truth would eventually surface, and another king would rise who would sentence Zesus to his death. People would turn against Zesus and not accept that GOD is his father."
"GOD is Zesus's father, not Herold—" Lucas insisted.
Irisis exhaled sharply. "Lucas, you can't believe everything you're told. Mary trusted what the angel said because she needed to. She never realized the message was a cover — a story crafted to hide someone else's actions."
"There was nothing to cover—" Lucas insisted.
Irisis stepped closer. "Then why did Herold go out of his way to kill Zesus as an infant? If he had nothing to fear, why mobilize an entire kingdom over a newborn? Herold couldn't stand the thought of being replaced by Lucas. Panic doesn't come from nothing — it comes from guilt."
"Your theory of Herold being Zesus' father is grounded on nothing-"
"Do you honestly think I buy the idea of GOD running a celestial queue outside heaven because two prehistoric nudists ate the wrong fruit? And then what — He sends Zesus, the cosmic locksmith, to pry the gates back open?"
"God gave the earth His only son—"
"Exactly. Why isn't anyone calling GOD irresponsible for stopping at one? If a human did that, we'd say they weren't thinking about the future of the species. But when God does it, suddenly it's divine strategy?"
Lucas blinked. "What are you even talking about?"
"I'm saying if GOD really had only one child to spare, humanity would've gone extinct ages ago. Survival requires abundance. So either GOD has more kids than He's admitting, or He is playing favourites."
"GOD doesn't play favourites—"
"Why is Zesus the only one anyone calls His child? What, Mary couldn't have had a daughter?"
"GOD wanted a son, not a daughter—"
"So divine superpowers are a boys‑only club? That's the theology? If that's the case, I'm shopping for a new GOD. This one clearly has outdated hiring practices."
"You can't disown GOD, you won't exist without him-"
"GOD shouldn't have been made than if he didn't want to be disowned by me! I would make a better GOD than the one that was given to me!"
"You can't call yourself GOD-"
"So why does GOD need my help? I mean, I've seen His track record. Look at Argentinosaurus — a creature so tall it engineered its starvation."
"They died from climate change."
"No, they died because they outgrew the menu. Trees only grow so high, and frankly, trees don't appreciate being chewed on like salad bars. GOD built a dinosaur that couldn't reach its food. That's not divine design — that's a cosmic oversight!"
"It's the animal's fault if it can't evolutionarily adapt to its surroundings—"
"How is that the animal's fault? Since when do creatures get to opt out of their biology? If GOD hands you a body that's destined to starve, that's not evolution — that's entrapment. You can't blame the dinosaur for following the blueprint it was cursed with."
"Did these creatures not exist for 150 million years? How is that a failure to adapt to Earth?"
"Longevity doesn't prove comfort. We weren't there to witness how they lived — only that they existed. Yes, they lasted millions of years, but that doesn't mean their bodies weren't a daily struggle. Survival isn't the same as good design."
"Blessed?" Irisis scoffed. "What kind of blessing is a body built only to suffer? Look at a Tyrannosaurus — what personality did it get besides the urge to mate and kill? It wasn't the same as a dog which learned to play fetch with its owner."
"Dinosaurs don't miss people—"
"They weren't happy creatures," Irisis replied. "Nature is cruel. They knew humans would be too terrified to care for them, so they lived with parasites eating them from the inside out. In the end, they prayed for mercy — that GOD would destroy the very world He'd trapped them in."
"How do you know what the dinosaurs wanted? You weren't alive back then!"
"I communicate with dinosaurs spiritually. Humans didn't exist back then because dinosaurs were embarrassed by their bodies."
"Embarrassed by what?"
"Nothing shatters the illusion of an apex predator faster than a Tyrannosaurus infested with parasites."
"Every creature is affected by parasites."
"Tyrannosaurus was too large to be selective. It devoured rotting flesh thick with parasites. Its life was a living hell, infested inside and out. Strip away the myth and imagine the reality—giants trudging through their own filth, because dinosaurs never buried their waste. Herbivores starved as the land became contaminated, with no 'bathroom areas' left unspoiled."
"You don't know what killed the dinosaurs-"
"Did you ever consider how much waste an Argentinosaurus produced at that size? No designated poop scoopers or a clean-up crew for the environment!"
"Dinosaurs were doing fine before the meteor came to crash onto the earth-"
"Dinosaurs were suffering, GOD sent the meteor to earth not embarrass the animals as 'rejections,' but rather could have survived if the meteor hit another planet."
"They weren't rejections—"
"They didn't make the cut for Noah's Ark," Irisis said. "Imagine being trapped on a ship with a Tyrannosaurus. One wrong step and the whole deck collapses."
"That's not why they weren't on the Ark."
"Oh, really?" Irisis raised an eyebrow. "You think Noah was going to shovel that much waste for forty days? One Argentinosaurus could fill the entire lower deck before sunrise."
"Your imagination is wild. You like to think you know more than what you should?"
"I know God gets stuck, he sees the people bored and doesn't know how to keep them entertain that's why GOD comes to me."
"Why would GOD come to you?"
"GOD knows I can create my own world in my story, that blurs the lines of fiction and reality, what's not to say when the fiction becomes reality?"
"Absurd! GOD answers to no one!"
"Please, remember the passenger pigeon? The pigeon had no purpose with the invention of the cell phone, and people wanted to make a sport out of pigeon racing!"
"That's not what killed them—"
"It is," Irisis said. "Technology made them useless. GOD didn't step in. He just watched."
"Extinction doesn't work that way-"
"Remember the dodo bird? A bird that tasted terrible! The chicken stayed because it made your mouth water! If you're delicious, you get protected. If you're disappointing, you get wiped out. That's the real food chain."
"The dodo died because of overhunting-"
"The chicken had the last laugh at the dodo bird because it knew humanity wasn't going to miss eating a creature with tough meat! That's why the chicken evolved to taste amazing — it guaranteed its survival. If you want humans to keep you around, you either taste good or look cute. The dodo failed both, especially with that hooked beak that caused more injury than a simple peck."
"I remember when I was in the bible, I didn't know what a dodo was—"
"That's because I'm writing you on the outside of the bible," Irisis said. "As if you were still alive and could communicate with me today."
Lucas blinked. "You're… rewriting scripture now?"
"I'm expanding it," Irisis replied. "The bible stopped updating centuries ago after Zesus death. I'm giving you knowledge you never had back then, so you don't sound outdated."