I tousled and turned on my bed, what used to be Charlie and I love making heaven. He knew all the right spots to touch me, that man.. I groaned into my pillow, I miss him, I miss him badly and worse my libido wasn't having any of it, I want to fuck, and fuck real bad, but just the mere thinking of it, made me feel guilty, it's been 8months since Charlie's passing and I've had that side of me suppressed for the longest. I shouldn't be thinking of sex at this time, but my body wasn't having any of it and Charlie's perfume wasn't helping either.
I slipped into my nightgown and headed downstairs for a cup of water and possibly something strong that could send me back to bed and from the staircase I could see the outline of someone who was shirtless and in black sweatpants, of course Xavier.
"You aren't asleep? This is 2 in the morning" I said inquisitively
He was sitting on one of the stools on the kitchen island, and then he turned and his eyes met mine and travelled round my body, making me feel uncomfortable and I gripped my nightrobe tighter
"I'm sorry I couldn't sleep" he replied with his eyes on my chest, oh boy
I ignored his stares and went on to grab water from the fridge and sat beside him on the kitchen island.
"You know Xavier I haven't thanked you properly for what you've done for Finn" I said, patting his hands.
"It's nothing Mrs Crawford, Finn's my best friend and I'd do more for him, that's the only buddy I've got" he said smiling at me
"I'm glad to hear that" I said sipping on my bottled water and just then the bottle slipped from my hands and spilled all over my night gown and night robe.
"Oh for God sake" I cursed
Xavier rushed round the kitchen with a towel in hand drying my body, and stood in front of me dabbing my chest and face.
"I got you" he said softly looking at me with such intensity I've never seen before
he slowly dried the water from my face and body, the movement soft, almost reverent.
His touch sent a shiver up my spine that I couldn't control.
I tried to pull back, but he held on just a second longer, not enough to be disrespectful, but enough to say everything he wasn't allowed to say.
"Mrs Crawford…" he started, voice trembling slightly.
My breath caught. His eyes were burning with something raw, something hungry and terrified at the same time.
No boy should look at me like that.
No mother should feel the way I suddenly did.
"We shouldn't…" I whispered, shaking my head, even though I didn't step away.
"I know," he breathed, and his thumb brushed my face without thinking, sending another spark dancing through me. "I just can't help it." He replied looking at me with those stunning eyes
Just in a split second, his mouth found mine and I didn't know if I should turn or not, but this felt right? The kiss deepened, hot and demanding and I felt the world tilt as he drew me closer to him by the waist, my hands on his bare chest to push him away.
His mouth moved against mine with a hunger that made my legs weak, and with his hands in my hair, he left my hair and cupped my bare breast from under my night gown, a soft sound escaped my throat that I couldn't swallow down.
I enjoyed this, I wanted this, and I kissed back, matching his touch with mine, my hands crept up to his face and danced in his hair, he was taller than me and that made it more difficult to reach him, as if on cue, Xavier carried me swiftly, my legs on each side of his hips and set me down on the kitchen counter, his hands untying my night robe.
"Tell me to stop" he whispered, his mouth still on mine and his hands on my breast, tweaking my nipples.
It was so good, I couldn't bring myself to say anything.
"Tell me to fucking stop Vanessa" he said breathlessly, his mouth on my neck, kissing softly and biting.
His voice did something to me, something that made all the hairs on my body to be at attention and the heat between my legs to grow even more.
"Xavier,I…" I moaned I couldn't even form a coherent sentence or thought, all I wanted was for him to fuck me on this kitchen counter hard.
So much for my son's best friend.
His fingers tangled in my hair, tilting my head back as he kissed me harder, deeper, like he was trying to memorize every inch of me with his mouth.
I felt his breath, his heartbeat, his need all of it crashing into me in waves.
When we finally broke apart, our lips were swollen, our breathing ragged, foreheads pressed together as if we needed that touch to stay upright.
"This is crazy…" I whispered, my voice shaking.
He closed his eyes, resting his hands on my waist like he didn't trust himself to let go.
"I know," he murmured. "But I have never wanted anything the way I want you."
That sent fire alarms in my head, this was going to go really really bad.
He leaned in to kiss me some more but guilt filled me and I couldn't get myself to continue.
"Goodnight Xavier and none of this happened" I said getting down from the kitchen counter.
"Vanessa" he said reaching for me
I recoiled painfully "and it's Mrs Crawford to you okay?" I said strictly and excused myself from the kitchen.
I could feel his disappointment and displeasure at the back of my head as I walked up the stairs to my room.
I crept into my bed with blanket covering myself, feeling very guilty about what just transpired between me and Xavier. What was I thinking, this is my child's best friend! I couldn't believe my bodily reaction to him, the way I melted to his every touch, my slow whimpers, my hands tracing his broad shoulders and the warmth in the center of my body.
I felt like a slut.
But damn it felt so good, I blamed my libido and my Lack of sleep.
This can never happen again Vanessa, never ever!
Or so I thought.