The afternoon following the negotiation brought an unexpected calm to Renn's camp, with no invasions or surprise visitors, just the ambient sounds of the swamp minding its own swamp business in the background. Renn sat outside his tent with his back leaning against the troop tower's stone wall, eating what could generously be called dinner: dried meat that tasted like cardboard and some berries he was vaguely sure weren't poisonous.
Princess Lysandra lay curled up in his lap with her orange fur catching the dim light, having claimed that spot the moment he sat down as if it were her divine right, which, technically, it probably was.
"You know," Renn said, distractedly running his hand along her back, "tomorrow is going to be complicated."
Lysandra purred, a deep, rumbling sound that vibrated through his legs.
"Devon will show up with equipment and probably a bad attitude, Marcus will keep making eyes at Valeria and Kara..." He paused, thinking. "Actually, Kara seems fine, but I still don't trust any of them."
His hand found the spot behind Lysandra's ears, that place Mr. Whiskers had always loved, causing her purr to intensify and her to push her head against Renn's palm demanding more attention.
"At least you're consistent," Renn smiled. "Princess or not, you still like ear scratches."
Lysandra's response was to roll slightly, exposing more of her neck for optimal access, and her back leg kicked reflexively when Renn hit a particularly good spot. It was peaceful, almost normal, and it was easy to forget that the cat in his lap was dimensional royalty who could probably erase him from existence with a thought.
"Her Highness is particularly demanding tonight."
Renn looked up to see Valeria standing a few feet away in her feline form, her purple fur almost black in the dim light and her golden eyes watching them with an expression he couldn't quite decipher.
"She is always demanding," Renn said. "It's part of her charm."
"Charm," Valeria repeated, stepping closer. "An interesting way to describe Her Highness's personality."
Lysandra opened one eye and meowed with a sound that was clearly an order.
"Her Highness says..." Valeria paused, tilting her head. "She says you should continue, as that spot behind her left ear requires more attention."
"Oh, really?"
Another meow, more insistent.
"Her Highness does not make requests, Mr. Substitute, she makes statements."
"Right, right." Renn returned his attention to Lysandra, who had already repositioned herself for optimal scratching, and when his fingers found that spot behind her left ear, she practically melted, her body going completely limp with satisfaction.
It was actually adorable, since Renn had gotten used to seeing Lysandra as that dignified and critical presence, but right now, with her eyes closed and her purr loud enough to be heard ten feet away, she just looked like a happy cat who really liked pets. Lysandra rolled over completely exposing her belly, the ultimate sign of feline trust, so Renn laughed and obeyed, rubbing soft circles on her stomach while her back legs kicked and she grabbed his hand with her front paws, not using claws, just holding it.
She was playing for real, like she used to when she was just Mr. Whiskers and they spent afternoons at the pet store with nothing better to do.
"Your Highness," Valeria said with a slightly amused tone, "is that entirely appropriate for..."
Lysandra's eyes snapped open.
For the first time since Renn had met her, both as Mr. Whiskers and Princess Lysandra Umbraluna, she seemed embarrassed; her ears flattened against her head and she let out a small, almost mortified meow.
"Wait," Renn said, stopping his petting. "Are you embarrassed?"
Lysandra's tail lashed out and then she meowed again, sharper and more demanding, but there was definitely a tone of nervous panic there.
"Her Highness says..." Valeria's voice carried a note of confusion. "She says you should... pet me too?"
Renn blinked.
"What?"
"No..." Valeria took a step back. "Your Highness, I don't think that is necessary..."
Another meow, this one clearly an order.
"But Your Highness..."
A third meow, even more insistent. Valeria's ears flattened.
"Her Highness insists. Apparently..." she walked closer, slowly, as if approaching something dangerous. "Apparently, if you are going to pet royalty, you must pet her bodyguard as well. For... equality purposes."
"Equality purposes," Renn repeated.
"That is what Her Highness said."
"She is embarrassed about playing like a normal cat," Renn realized, "and she wants you to get petted too so she isn't the only one."
Lysandra's tail gave another lash, a clear shut up and do as you are told.
"This is ridiculous," Valeria muttered, sitting stiffly next to Lysandra. "I am a trained assassin, I have served the royal family for three centuries and this is beneath my dignity."
"Her Highness seems to think otherwise."
"Her Highness is using her authority to cover her own embarrassment."
"That is also probably true."
Valeria sat there with her purple fur perfectly groomed and her posture radiating reluctance, looking at Renn with those golden eyes that clearly communicated: if you tell anyone about this, I will end you.
"Well?" she said. "Her Highness ordered it."
"Right." Renn reached out slowly, half expecting Valeria to dodge, but she stayed still, although every line of her small feline body radiated tension.
His hand touched the top of her head and Valeria's ears twitched. He ran his fingers along her head, down to the base of her neck in the same way he had been petting Lysandra, and Valeria purred.
It was a small sound at first, barely audible, but as Renn continued petting and finding that spot behind her ears, the purr grew louder, her eyes closed and her tense posture began to relax.
"See?" Renn said softly. "It's not that bad."
"I am... tolerating this... for Her Highness's sake..."
But even as she said it, Valeria leaned into his touch, her head pushing against his hand in a way that clearly said more. Renn suppressed a smile and switched to long strokes down her back, causing Valeria's purr to intensify and her tail, which had been stiff and straight, to begin curling.
"Valeria."
"Hmm?"
"You are enjoying this."
"I am... professionally... enduring..."
Renn scratched behind her ears again and Valeria made a sound, a small trill of satisfaction, before she seemed to catch herself. But it was too late, she had already rolled onto her side and then onto her back, exposing her belly while her front paws stretched out and grabbed Renn's hand, pulling it toward her stomach.
"Oh no," Renn said, smiling. "You are totally lost."
"I am not..." Valeria's protest was cut off when Renn rubbed her belly and she purred louder, with her back legs kicking slightly. She rolled from side to side rubbing against his hand, making happy little sounds that completely contradicted her previous dignity.
This was, objectively, the cutest thing Renn had ever seen. That is why, very quietly and carefully, he pulled out his bracelet and activated the recording function.
The holographic camera captured everything: Valeria, the legendary assassin, the First Blade of the Silent Shadows, rolling on her back like a kitten, purring loud enough to echo and completely lost in the simple pleasure of belly rubs. Lysandra, still in Renn's lap, watched with what could only be described as smug satisfaction, since her embarrassment had been successfully transferred.
It took Valeria about thirty seconds to realize what he was doing; her eyes opened, she saw Renn holding his bracelet and she saw the little red recording light.
She froze.
"Renn."
"Yes?"
"Is that...?"
"A video? Yes."
"Of me?"
"Rolling around and purring like a kitten? Also yes."
Valeria's ears flattened completely. If she had been in her humanoid form, Renn was sure her face would be bright red.
"Delete it."
"But you look so happy."
"Delete it. Now."
"But you were so cute. That little trill you made..."
"I will disintegrate you where you sit."
"But then who would give you belly rubs?"
Valeria sat up, with her dignity in tatters and her fur slightly ruffled from rolling around, while her tail lashed from side to side.
"Mr. Substitute, I give you one chance to delete that recording before I demonstrate exactly why my title includes the word 'blade'."
"Okay, okay." Renn raised his hands in surrender, although he was smiling. "But for the record, there is nothing wrong with enjoying some ear scratches."
"I was not enjoying them."
"You were literally purring."
"That was... involuntary."
"You rolled over and demanded belly rubs."
"I did no such thing!"
Lysandra meowed, a sound of pure amusement.
"Your Highness," Valeria said stiffly, turning toward the orange cat, "I would appreciate your support in this matter."
Lysandra meowed again, and even without translation, the message was clear: You asked for it.
"Traitor," Valeria murmured.
Renn saved the video in a secure folder, not deleting it, just hiding it, and lowered his bracelet.
"In my defense, you were objectively adorable."
"I am not adorable. I am lethal."
"You can be both."
"No. One negates the other."
"I have video evidence that says otherwise."
Valeria's tail lashed harder.
"If that video ever sees the light of day..."
"It won't. I promise." Renn held up three fingers. "Scout's honor."
"What is a scout?"
"It's not important. The point is your secret is safe, no one needs to know that the fearsome First Blade enjoys having her belly rubbed."
"I do not enjoy..." Valeria stopped, seeming to realize that arguing further would only make it worse. "This conversation is over."
"If you say so."
"I do say so."
Valeria stood up, shook herself to settle her fur and walked a few feet away before sitting with her back to them, with her tail still lashing. Lysandra purred again, clearly pleased with how events had unfolded, and stretched out in Renn's lap kneading his legs with her paws.
"You are evil," Renn told her. "You know that, right?"
Lysandra's purr intensified, which he took as agreement.
"You deliberately embarrassed yourself playing so Valeria would get embarrassed too."
Another pleased purr.
"And now Valeria is mad at me instead of you."
Lysandra rolled over and headbutted his chest, demanding more attention. The message was clear: Obviously. That was the plan.
Renn laughed and resumed petting.
"Remind me never to enter a social manipulation contest with you."
From a few feet away, Valeria spoke without turning around.
"The video, Mr. Substitute."
"It is saved and securely encrypted."
"That is not the same as deleted."
"I know."
"Why do I tolerate you?"
"Because Her Highness commands it?"
"That must be it."
Despite her words, Valeria's tail had stopped lashing so aggressively and, if Renn wasn't mistaken, there was the faintest hint of a purr still rumbling in her chest.
The three of them sat there as the sun finished setting, the swamp darkening around them. Tomorrow would bring Devon and his team, questions about Valeria's employment and probably a dozen new problems.
But tonight, Renn had successfully gotten two strange beings to act like normal cats, and he had video proof, encrypted and hidden, of the most powerful bodyguard he had ever met rolling around and demanding belly rubs.
It was worth it, even if Valeria eventually discovered where he had hidden the file and killed him for it.
Totally worth it.
"Renn."
"Yes?"
"I know you didn't delete it."
"I have no idea what you are talking about."
"When I find where you hid it..."
"You will have to catch me first."
"I have literally disintegrated creatures that moved faster than you."
"But would you disintegrate the only person who knows where your favorite scratching spot is?"
Silence.
Then, very quietly: "Behind my left ear."
"What was that?"
"Nothing. I said nothing."
Renn smiled in the darkness. Tomorrow would be complicated, but tonight was perfect.
Even if he was definitely going to die eventually because of that video.