Chapter 11
Kazuma eyed the man in front of him with deep suspicion.
You just took a nap?
Is that all?
The man didn't even blink. His flat, lifeless eyes and calm tone made it sound as casual as saying, "Ah, I had pickled radish for breakfast." At this point, the thickness of his skin probably surpassed the limits of biology.
In an instant, Kazuma's mind flashed with the humiliating image of himself being filmed from three hundred and sixty degrees by hundreds of phones, his towel slipping, and that malicious "Isn't it a little small?"
No. Absolutely not. He couldn't tell this man the truth.
In this invisible contest called "Whose Transmigration is More Ridiculous," his dignity as Satou Kazuma wouldn't allow him to shatter into pieces in front of someone else.
"Ahem."
He cleared his throat and tried to keep his expression as relaxed as Gintoki's, even adding a touch of worldly calm.
"I was steaming myself in a sauna. You know, one of those hot rooms full of mist. I was enjoying the heat when everything went dark. Next thing I knew, I woke up smack in the middle of Times Square. Probably a temperature shock. Must've twisted space and time or something."
He even nodded afterward, as if endorsing his own scientific theory.
Gintoki: "(lll￢ω￢)…"
Kazuma: "...(￣_￣|||)"
Silence settled over the church again.
They locked eyes. Gintoki's dead-fish stare gave nothing away. Kazuma did his best to remain composed.
One second.
Two seconds.
Both men understood everything from each other's eyes.
You're talking crap.
You're no different.
They both knew the truth. There was no way either of them had arrived here peacefully. One came armed with nothing but clothes and a wooden sword, the other wearing only a towel. Everything about them screamed "escaped from an extremely embarrassing emergency."
"Pfft."
"Heh."
They turned away at the same time, letting out a dry and utterly meaningless laugh.
The sound echoed through the empty church, making the atmosphere even more awkward.
Forget it. They were both victims of fate. No point in tearing into each other.
Gintoki dropped the subject. He gave the clothes in his hands a shake, rose to his feet, and began dressing in the dim corner of the church like it was nobody's business. First the fundoshi, then the black shirt and pants, and finally the familiar white haori draped over his shoulders.
Once his clothes were on, that laid-back yet strangely dependable aura finally returned to him.
Watching this, Kazuma felt a sting of envy. He wanted clothes too. His only possession now was this towel he brought from another world, of an unknown brand.
"Hey, you saw that blue panel earlier, right?"
Kazuma couldn't help but ask. He was referring to the system that announced their arrival and gave him twenty thousand points of shame.
"Yeah, I saw it." Gintoki tightened his sash while responding lazily.
"Guardian Faction, Neutral Faction, it's like playing a game. By the way, that green shield of yours looked pretty sturdy."
"It's sure better than that mediocre white scale you've got." Kazuma retorted immediately.
Gintoki ignored him. Mimicking Kazuma's earlier gesture, he swiped his hand in the air.
A translucent panel popped up in front of him.
He poked it, curious. It even had a bit of bounce.
"Bond Summon…" he muttered, tapping the option that caught his eye.
In the next second, a row of familiar icons popped up, followed by a string of zeros that made his head spin.
[Kagura — Reputation Points Required for Summoning: 5,000,000]
"Five million?!" Gintoki's eyes nearly flew out of their sockets.
"You've got to be kidding me! Why is that bottomless eating machine so expensive? If I summon her, I'll be living off dog food for the rest of my life. No, scratch that, I won't even afford dog food!"
Grumbling, he scrolled down.
[Sadaharu — Reputation Points Required for Summoning: 2,000,000]
"Two million?! A dog costs two million?! Is its kibble made of cosmic wagyu?!" His roar echoed through the church, shaking loose a cloud of dust.
Kazuma peeked at the screen, quietly thinking, With how you talk about them, I'm starting to think both of your companions could bankrupt a nation.
Gintoki's hand trembled as he continued scrolling. Then he saw that familiar name he knew all too well.
[Shimura Shinpachi — Reputation Points Required for Summoning: 1,020,000][+]
"One million and twenty thousand…" he muttered. Still outrageous, but compared to the two human garbage-disposal units above, this one almost looked reasonable.
But something felt off.
He noticed the tiny plus sign next to the price and tapped it.
A dropdown menu unfolded:
[Core Item (Glasses) — 1,000,000]
[Accessory (Shimura Shinpachi) — 20,000]
"…"
The church fell silent.
Gintoki's expression shifted from confused, to stunned, to distorted, and finally…
"Pff—HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
His laughter exploded through the church like a grenade. Gintoki clutched his stomach, rolling across the pew with tears streaming down his face.
"A million for the glasses! Shinpachi himself is only twenty thousand! Hahaha! The system knows what's up! This pricing is genius!"
"I can't... my stomach hurts... Shinpachi, oh Shinpachi, did you see this? Your worth doesn't even add up to the loose change of your own glasses! HAHAHA!"
Kazuma stared at the silver-haired man who had been a lifeless husk minutes earlier and was now laughing like a lunatic. Is this guy okay?
Curious, he leaned closer. The moment he saw the labels — "Core Item (Glasses)" and "Accessory (Human)" — his mouth twitched hard.
Just how nonexistent did this Shinpachi's presence have to be for the system to judge him this accurately… and this cruelly?
Kazuma remembered his own party: a useless goddess, an explosion fanatic, and a masochistic crusader. Suddenly, he felt he had no right to judge anyone.
Gintoki was still laughing himself breathless when both of their screens lit up with a new system message.
[Player behavior detected: 'Twin Naked Performance Art Tour' on the streets of New York. Incident escalated, causing severe (sensational) social disturbance.]
[Neutral Faction Player "Sakata Gintoki" receives: 10,000 Reputation]
[Guardian Faction Player "Satou Kazuma" receives: 3,000 Reputation]
Gintoki's laughter stopped on the spot.
Kazuma's face darkened instantly.
"Hold on!" Kazuma jabbed a finger at the panel, voice cracking with outrage.
"Why does he get ten thousand while I only get three thousand?! I was there the whole time! I contributed just as much!"
Gintoki glanced at him, then at his own points, and lazily scratched his nose.
"Probably because I put more effort into it. Look, I went full nude. You still had a towel. That's a difference in professional dedication, you know? You should learn, oh sacred wielder of the Sword of Oaths."
"You shameless natural perm!!" Kazuma exploded. "If you hadn't sold me out, I wouldn't have had to run a second time!"
"Don't say it like that," Gintoki said, getting up and dusting off his clothes.
"If it weren't for me, how would you ever experience the thrill of streaking in the heart of the world? And you even earned three thousand points. You should be thanking me."
"Thank your big stupid head!"