Walking with Sir Kaelen of the Silver Rose was less like being escorted by a bodyguard and more like babysitting a frightened toddler trapped in a tank.
"Did you hear that?" Kaelen hissed, stopping dead in his tracks for the tenth time in as many minutes. He raised his massive shield, crouching low enough that the gleaming silver lion on his chest was obscured by mud. "It sounded like a Wyvern."
Elian didn't break stride. "It was a pigeon, Kaelen. A common wood pigeon. It cooed. Wyverns screech. Keep moving."
"You don't know that," the knight argued, his voice tinny and trembling inside his helmet. "The script is broken. Pigeons could have evolved. They could be Level 50 Pigeons now!"
Elian rubbed his temples, feeling a headache building behind his eyes. He had assumed that forming a party with a Level 25 Tank would solve his survival problems, but he hadn't accounted for the Hidden Trait: Glass Heart. Kaelen had the stats of a war machine but the morale of a wet napkin.
"If a pigeon attacks you, I give you permission to smite it," Elian said dryly. "Now, please, for the love of the Author, walk faster. My stamina bar is draining just watching you creep around."
They had been walking for three hours. The forest was thinning, giving way to the rolling plains that surrounded the Capital City of Aethelgard. According to the map, the city should be visible once they crested the next hill.
"I'm just saying," Kaelen muttered, clanking along behind Elian, "Usually, there is a scripted bandit ambush at this mile marker. If they aren't here, it means they're planning something worse. Stealth bandits. Invisible bandits!"
"Or," Elian corrected, "The bandits are broken just like everything else."
As if summoned by the conversation, a rustling noise erupted from the tall grass to their left.
Kaelen let out a high-pitched yelp that shamed his ancestors and scrambled backward, tripping over his own scabbard. He landed on his back with a crash that sounded like a kitchen falling down a flight of stairs.
"Defend me, Editor!" Kaelen shrieked, waving his arms helplessly.
Elian sighed and turned to face the threat.
A creature hopped onto the road. It was a blob of translucent blue jelly, roughly the size of a basketball. Two googly eyes floated inside the gelatinous suspension.
[Target Identified: Blue Slime]
[Level: 1]
[Aggression: Low]
It was the most basic, non-threatening enemy in the entire RPG genre. The slime wobbled aggressively, letting out a wet gloop sound.
"It's a slime, Kaelen," Elian said, staring down at the knight who was currently curled into the fetal position. "It has five hit points. You have two thousand."
"It could be acidic!" Kaelen countered, not looking up. "It could dissolve my armor! I'm not ready to die, I haven't even finished my character arc!"
Elian felt a vein throb in his forehead. This was pathetic. If he didn't fix Kaelen's confidence now, they would be dead the moment they faced a real threat. He needed to force the issue.
"Annotate," Elian whispered.
A blue window appeared next to the Slime. Elian scanned the code.
[Weakness: Blunt Trauma.]
[Loot Table: 1x Sticky Gel.]
Elian looked at Kaelen, then at the slime. He walked over to the knight, grabbed the visor of his helmet, and yanked his head up.
"Sir Kaelen," Elian said, his voice dropping to a command. "That slime just insulted your mother."
Kaelen blinked. "What?"
"I can read its code," Elian lied effortlessly. "It said the Silver Rose order smells like elderberries and that your shield polish is cheap."
A strange noise came from inside the helmet. A low, rumbling growl. The Glass Heart trait made Kaelen susceptible to fear, but Elian remembered another part of the knight's profile: Loyalty to the Order.
"It... it said that?" Kaelen whispered, gripping the hilt of his longsword.
"It gets worse," Elian added, leaning in. "It said you're just a side character."
That did it.
Kaelen roared. It was a sound of pure, unadulterated offense. He exploded from the ground, his agility defying his heavy armor. With a single fluid motion, he drew his sword—a blade wreathed in faint holy light—and brought it down in an overhead smash that could have cleaved a boulder in two.
CRASH.
The impact shook the ground beneath Elian's feet. Mud and grass exploded outward. The slime didn't just die; it was vaporized. The force of the blow left a crater in the road three feet wide.
Kaelen stood in the center of the destruction, breathing heavily, his sword glowing.
[Combat Encounter Resolved.]
[Experience Gained: 1 XP (Penalty: Level Gap too high).]
"Did..." Kaelen looked at the empty crater, then at his hands. "Did I get it?"
"You got it, buddy," Elian said, brushing a speck of blue jelly off his shoulder. "You really showed that Level 1 mob who's boss."
Kaelen sheathed his sword, his chest puffed out. The "Terrified" status effect under his name flickered and changed to "Cautiously Optimistic."
"I suppose my training hasn't completely deserted me," Kaelen said, his voice an octave deeper than before. "Lead on, Editor. I shall protect you from further insults."
Elian hid a smirk. Managing the knight was going to be exhausting, but at least he knew the trigger mechanism now: Ego.
They crested the final hill as the sun began to set, casting long shadows across the valley. Below them lay the capital city of Aethelgard.
In the lore books, the capital was described as an impregnable fortress of white stone, surrounded by walls fifty feet high, protecting the Royal Palace where the King—and the next plot hook—awaited.
But as Elian looked down, his heart sank.
The city was there, but it wasn't right. The majestic white walls were flickering. Massive sections of the stone defense were missing, not destroyed by war, but simply... absent. Through the gaps, Elian could see the interior of the city, but the geometry was all wrong, stretching and warping like a corrupted save file.
"By the Gods," Kaelen whispered, dropping his shield again. "What happened to the North Gate?"
Elian squinted, his Annotate skill passively highlighting the anomaly. It wasn't battle damage. It was a rendering error. A massive, jagged void existed where the main entrance should be, revealing the void of nothingness beneath the game world.
"We have a problem," Elian murmured, staring at the glitch in reality that stood between them and their destination.