The villagers were still staring at me like I'd descended from the heavens or crawled out of a dumpster behind a divine temple. Honestly, either worked.
One shaky old man stepped forward.
"You tamed the Forest Horror…?"
I gave him a thumbs-up. "Yep! Turns out he really likes crystal mushrooms and belly rubs. Well, the mushrooms. I'm still negotiating the belly rubs."
Behind me, the hulking Forest Horror wagged its… tail? Or spine? It was hard to tell. Either way, it was adorable in a "may accidentally eat my neighbors" kind of way.
Guide floated by my ear, whispering in its judgy voice.
"Player… perhaps it is unwise to bring a semi-legendary beast into a populated area."
"Nonsense," I whispered back. "It's called making friends. Plus, if something attacks the village, now they have a giant meat shield."
Guide sighed. Loudly.
The Village Chief Has a Quest (Of Course)
The "village chief" approached—except calling him a chief was generous. He looked more like a worn-out kindergarten teacher who had given up on life somewhere around nap time.
"I am Elder Bramble… caretaker of this humble village."
He bowed deeply.
I panicked and bowed back even deeper. Because when someone bows to you, you automatically bow lower or you lose the bowing war.
"Sir TotallyNotAFailure," Elder Bramble said, "we owe you our lives. And… we request your help once more."
I groaned internally. It was Quest Time™.
A glowing notification appeared.
[NEW QUEST: Investigate the Fallen Ruins Dungeon]
[Difficulty: ???]
[Recommended Level: 10]
[Your Level: 2]
Guide chimed in.
"Player… I strongly suggest declining."
I nodded seriously. "You're absolutely right."
Elder Bramble clasped his hands with hope.
"So you will help us?"
"Of course," I said instantly.
Guide made a sound like a long, slow scream of despair.
Why a Dungeon? Why Me?
Elder Bramble gestured dramatically toward the forest.
"A dungeon appeared overnight near the old ruins. Monsters are pouring out. We cannot defend ourselves."
"Say no more," I said confidently. "I will heroically investigate this dungeon—"
A monster in the distance shrieked.
"—from a safe distance," I finished.
Elder Bramble continued. "The dungeon core must be corrupted. If it is not purified, the village will fall."
Dungeon core? Purified?
I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but I nodded like I totally understood.
"Consider it purified, unclogged, polished, and lightly buffed," I said.
Guide muttered, "Player… you do not know what a dungeon core is."
"Shh," I whispered. "Fake it till you make it."
The Party Forms… Against My Will
Gloop the goblin popped up from behind a fence post, grinning.
"Dungeon? I love dungeons. So many traps. So much danger. Let me come!"
Behind him, the slime trio—Blobby, Squishy, and Gooey McGooFace—hopped excitedly.
The Forest Horror bobbed its massive head.
Guide flickered nervously.
"Player… a goblin, three slimes, and an unstable apex predator are not a standard adventuring party…"
I crossed my arms. "Who cares about standard? We're chaotic. We're stylish. We're squishy."
Guide squinted. "Only the slimes are squishy."
"Details."
To the Dungeon! (Preferably Slowly)
Before setting out, I swung by the villager who gave me the mushroom quest. He handed me my reward: a loaf of bread, two potions, and a pair of shoes that didn't look like they'd betray me at every opportunity.
[You have equipped: Slightly Sturdy Shoes]
[Durability: 10/10]
[Resistance: +10% against jelly surfaces]
Finally. Shoe justice.
We headed toward the Fallen Ruins, my accidental party marching behind me like the world's weirdest parade.
Gloop hummed a creepy goblin tune.
The slimes bounced in rhythm.
The Forest Horror occasionally ate trees.
Guide radiated anxiety.
I puffed out my chest. "This is it! My first real dungeon! My first real adventure! My first—"
The ground trembled.
A burst of purple light shot into the sky.
Guide's glow dimmed.
"Player… the dungeon is evolving."
"Evolving? Into what?"
Before Guide could answer—
A massive roar erupted from deeper within the trees.
Something big.
Something angry.
Something awakening.
Gloop gulped. "Uh… Sir TotallyNotAFailure? I believe the dungeon acquired… a guardian."
"A guardian?" I repeated.
The bushes exploded apart.
A towering wolf with shadows swirling off its fur stepped out, eyes glowing like twin moons.
It snarled.
Then a System message appeared:
[DUNGEON GUARDIAN DETECTED]
[Recommended Level: 20]
[Your Level: 2]
I froze.
Guide froze.
The slimes did not freeze—they bounced in excitement.
The Forest Horror wagged.
I whispered:
"…I'm going to die."