1: Always and forevermore, Komachi
Hikigaya wants a sister-in-law.
I think it was Sojun Ikkyuu who wrote the poem "Every New Year is a
milestone in your journey to the underworld."
A wise saying. Truly a wise saying. The wise thing about it is how it's
so, like, wise, man. The fact that his name literally means "taking a
break" is another nugget of wisdom.
Nothing beats a holiday. That's such a wonderful appellation,
Godiego would be raving about what a beautiful name it is.
Most events for which people say "Happy this!" or "Happy that!"—
and I don't just mean New Year's, but also birthdays and graduations
and whatnot—aren't actually that happy, since they involve the
passage of time.
All the events celebrated in society are ultimately portents of the
end. Getting one year older is a countdown to the end of your life,
and it's fair to say the celebration of graduation indicates a sort of
expulsion. These days, when an idol group gets fired, they'll even call
it "graduation" to make it sound pretty. Once you start thinking that
way, it's no longer an auspic Page | 14
lucky thing going on here is my happy-go-lucky brain. Kya-ha! Lucky
me! Time to have another normal year!
And so, on that note, I'd been enthusiastically committed to making
like Sojun Ikkyuu and lazing New Year's away. Don't rush, don't rush,
a break here, a break there… But in spite of that, this purimiamu
Japaniizu burando product automatically celebrates the Niuu Iyaa on
its own, no mess, no fuss! Aw shucks, spewing gratuitous English like
a shopping channel when I can't actually speak English is sooo
Japanese…
In the end, Komachi dragged me along for the traditional New Year's
visit to the shrine.
We met up with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama at Inage Sengen Shrine
to do New Year's-y stuff like drawing fortunes, and then we ran into
Miura and her friends, so Yuigahama joined them, and Komachi said
she'd forgotten to buy a protection charm and went back…
Long story short, after being abandoned, Yukinoshita and I headed
straight home.
Although it wasn't far at all and didn't take that long—it was just a
few stops on the train—each and every moment lingers so vividly in
my memory. I don't think I'll be able to easily forget the timid
pressure hanging on my sleeve at odd moments, or her small hand,
lifted up just slightly for a wave when we parted ways.
And so my New Year's finally came to a close.
After being swept along in the waves of shrinegoers (without being
scolded from a distance), I ended the New Year's-appropriate events
smoothly, and I returned to my empty home. Page | 15
My parents must have gone out somewhere. I started nodding off
while in the kotatsu, the family cat in my arms, as I waited for
Komachi's return.
This is it… This is the right way to spend your New Year's…
There's no need at all to be bumping into girls first thing in the New
Year and get your heart beating out of your chest. You've got to let
Mr. Heart take a break in the New Year, too! Well, except that if he
does, I'll die.
A hard tk sound made me open my eyes. It seemed I'd actually fallen
asleep while lazing in the kotatsu. When I jolted upright, Komachi
was there, sitting at the corner diagonal from me, looking at me with
displeasure. She pushed one of the mugs on the table over to me.
I accepted it with gratitude. "…Oh, thanks… Welcome home. You're
early."
"That's what Komachi would like to say, though…" A dispirited half
smile crossed her face, and then she took a slurp of her coffee and
casually leaned her weight on the kotatsu to ask, "…So, Bro. How was
it?"
"Nothing much. Normal," I answered carelessly, not sure what she
was getting at.
Komachi waved a hand like, No way, no way. "Nah, nah. Normal?
You're not a middle schooler in a rebellious phase."
"U-uh-huh… And neither are you, if you're pointing that out…" If I
may say so of my own sister, she tends to adopt strangely long-term
views. Like, it's kinda housewife-ish. Page | 16
That's what I was thinking when Komachi inclined herself forward
and said something an auntie would say. "You and Yukino walked
back together, right? Nothing happened?"
"If just walking back together was enough to cause an incident, I'd be
worried what the world is coming to. What do you think they make
elementary schoolers walk in groups these days for? You need more
danger awareness."
"Whoa, there it is. Don't give me that, okay?" She sighed like she
found our conversation entirely taxing, turning to the New Year's TV
show as if she was trying to remove me from her sight.
The annual New Year's show was basically the same every year,
showing happy scenes appropriate for the occasion, like couples who
had just signed their marriage papers or babies who were born on
the New Year.
"I wanted to get things cleaned up last year…but at this rate, maybe
it won't happen this year, either…" Komachi sighed.
"What? You mean spring cleaning?" I asked her.
"Yeah, I'm talking about my garbrother."
"You're not gonna be able to throw me out that easy. Everyone's all
about going green and recycling lately," I quipped, though I admit it
was not my best.
"How dare you…," Komachi muttered scarily, like a certain young
environmentalist.
Oh dear, what frightful use of language… Has she gone delinquent?
I trembled in fear as I eyed Komachi.
But it seemed she was off on her own worrying about something
else. "Ahhh… My big bro really is a garbro. Even if Komachi somehow Page | 17
managed to get him married, he might wreck it immediately and
have to move back home, which would double the work for me…"
Komachi's brother complex is reaching dangerous levels, if she's
thinking about her brother's marriage before her own. Or maybe it's
my dignity as an older brother that's reaching dangerous lows, for
having my little sister worry about my marriage. I do feel like in this
case, the smoothest course of action would be for us sketchy siblings
to just get married instead—but legally speaking in this nation, that
might be the most dangerous of all, so maybe we'll have to pass on
that. Damn you, rule of law!
As I was burning with the urge to revolt, Komachi was getting fired
up about something else. "In Komachi terms, though, it's not like
there's no candidates for sister-in-law…"
"Hey, cut it out? Please don't come up with candidates for such
personal stuff without the permission of the guy in question?"
"Komachi really does think the strongest sister candidate is…Yukino, I
guess…"
She's not listening. If I engage with this nonsense, my New Year's
will be wasted. I leaned toward the TV to end the conversation.
But then I got a poke-poke in my side. "Bro, are you listening?
Komachi's trying to have a serious talk." My instincts as a big brother
kicked in, and I automatically switched into listening mode. "If Yukino
was my sister-in-law, you could become a househusband. Consider it
in terms of your lifetime income."
"Don't just casually call my defeat on lifetime income before the
game is over. You should imagine a brighter future for your brother."
"This is bright, though. It's so bright, Komachi can't see anything, like
Solar Flare. Which is why I can say it's basically nothing." Page | 18
Apparently, I've been borrowing Tien Shinhan's moves without
even realizing it. So it's that hard to see, huh…?
While my shoulders were quietly slumping, Komachi was raising a fist
high in the air. "And besides, Komachi figures Yukino would support
Komachi, too. So Komachi will do household chores instead of you,
too! Isn't that great, Bro?! Finally, the NEET lifestyle you always
dreamed of!"
"I don't need that… You two should just get married… That seems
like it could get you places, too, so Big Bro will stay right here at
home…," I said.
Komachi broke into a kind smile, then said gently, "It's okay, Bro. Just
as long as you're there for Komachi…"
Why's she suddenly overflowing with benevolence…? She's totally
treating me like a pet. I hate it… Maybe starting tomorrow, I should
start eating kitty food along with Kamakura to get myself used to it.
I was having a glaring match with Kamakura in preparation for the
inevitable doomsday war over kitty treats when Komachi scooped
the cat up in her arms. Stroking Kamakura as he purred on her lap,
she decided to drop a bomb. "Well, if that's what we're going for,
Haruno also has similar terms."
"Hey now, that one's scary. And you're scary, too, for being able to
imagine her as a sister." I'm a dreamer myself, and even I make sure
never to imagine things like that. Komachi is way too reckless with
her life… Does she have ninety-nine green mushrooms or
something?
Komachi slurped at her coffee as she continued to soar on the wings
of imagination. "What if Saki was my big sister? That's another
option."
"No. And this one is totally unrelated to your last suggestion." Page | 19
"But her little sister has to come, too. Komachi's heard she's very
cute." With a smug chuckle, she laid down the most powerful card of
the Kawasaki family deck and ended her turn. I didn't know if
Komachi had ever actually met Keika, but between Kawa-something
and Taishi, at least one of them would probably want to tell people
about her. Keika is just that charming and cute.
"......I'll think abo— Whoa, there! Hey, then Taishi would
come, too. Forget it, forget it. Not happening." When you get to be
an ultimate duelist of my level, you're sensitive to trap cards. I just
barely managed to evade it. I'm not saying anything about Kawa-
something as an individual—but as an older brother, I can't let Taishi
get close to Komachi.
But Komachi must have picked up on the effect Keika had on me, as
she folded her arms with a hmm and drew her next card. "I see… You
do have decent compatibility with younger girls, huh…? Oh, then
how about, like, Rumi-chan?"
"Rumi-Rumi's, like… She's my idol. I don't see her as anything more.
It's more like I want to do idol stuff with her and share in the
passion… She makes me want to support her in a pure way."
"Hmm, it's a little creepy how seriously you're taking this… And the
way you put it sounds so intense, it actually freaks me out…" I'd
meant to explain myself with the most wholehearted, utmost
sincerity, but now Komachi was leaning away from me.
She seemed to resign herself eventually, letting out a deep sigh. "So
younger is no good, too… Then going the other way…how about Miss
Hiratsuka?"
The moment she said that, the air between us turned to ice. The playful exchange we'd been having took a one-eighty as I was
compelled to envision this somewhat realistic responsibility. You
couldn't joke about this stuff casually; it was too heavy for that.
Komachi must have felt that keenly, too. She let her head fall sadly.
"Sorry. Maybe Komachi went a little too far with that one."
"Yeah. Let's pretend that didn't happen. I'm sure Miss Hiratsuka will
find her happiness. Not like I know." With a distant look in my eyes, I
prayed. Hurry…! Hurry, someone take her! Don't wait! One wrong
move, and I just might snap her up!
For a while, the sound of the TV attempted to fill the hollow silence
in the wordless living room. We slurped at our coffees, then sighed
simultaneously.
After spending some time with our eyes on the TV, Komachi
suddenly spoke again. "Well, so long as you're happy, Komachi's fine
with it. Oh, and that was worth a lot of Komachi points." She smiled,
and I dipped my head ever so slightly in a voiceless response.