His memories of before the accident were vague; what was his life before that day? What would his life be if that day had not happened?
Just like any day, Ray was in the back of his parents' car, heading home after a hard day at school.
As an eight-year-old kid, his life was perfect; his scores were at the top of his class, and with most of his meals being from famous restaurants, he loved to show off to his friends.
"Mama, why is there no meat in my food?"
His mother returned to look at him: "It's not healthy for you to eat meat all the time."
"But... But all my friends..." The look on her face told that there was no place for negotiations.
Her warm eyes were his last memory before another car crashed into their car. Everything moved so fast that he couldn't understand what was going on.
Fire and smoke filled the whole area, followed by gunshots that he had heard many times in the movies.
"Ray, come here; let me take you out." A cocoon of blood swallowed his body, taking him out of the car by force.
Ray didn't know why, but he just sat in the cocoon waiting for her parents to come and save him.
His mother's voice was so weak, still with the warmness that it always carried; she said to Ray,
"Ray, the only thing that matters in the world is to help others!"
She coughed something and continued:
"Ray, the only thing that matters in the world is to be kind to others!"
His body felt like a wooden doll, not able to move; only tears came from his eyes.
After that, he didn't understand how much time had passed; the next thing he remembered was Yelena standing above the broken coconuts, looking at him with pity.
He never saw their corpses, nor any of the stuff that happened; the reason that they did it always remained a mystery too. His only action to escape from it was to run. Run as far as possible from that event.
To this day, one question remains in his mind: "Why didn't I say anything? I never said goodbye to her."
The burden he carried for his whole life in the river of torment was crushing him down to his knees. Each step reminded him of his fear, being unable to do anything, watching inside a cocoon as the world moved on from him.
"Kid, why are you not coming to the ceremony?" Yelena asked him as he hid under his bed.
He didn't dare to say anything again; all of Yelena's words would be faced with his silence.
"I'm not that pathetic child anymore." Ray screamed into the void, "He is long dead."
Deep down, he knew it was a lie; all of his actions were his own decisions.
Nonetheless, his journey didn't stop; faced with the sins of the past, he walked and thought of a solution, a golden key to make the golden key.
"What is love?" The same ancient voice rang through the river.
"There is no love; there is only affection."
"What was your mother's feeling toward you then?"
Ray took a long step, and after taking a deep breath, a whisper came from his mouth: "For her, I'm sure it was love; for me, nothing but a mother that wanted to make her child like herself. Weak."
"I don't understand, then why do you regret her so much?"
He thought for a minute before answering, "It's not about her at all; I'm more thankful for her than any other human being on earth, yet my regrets come from my own actions."
Pieces of the puzzle were coming together; he never hated her. The hatred that ran through his blood was hatred toward the world.
"From the moment I was born, I was a demon..."
A demon had no connection to one's background or anything; all the Cardinals had one thing in common: they were cold-blooded monsters with no emotion.
His entire life, his belief was that the world had changed him into a demon, yet for the first time, the answer was clear as day to him.
"My own nature defied her way of living; deep down I always knew she was wrong. Her words took over my nature, but in the end, a demon will always be a demon."
With the truth unraveled after so long, he raised his head to look at the dark sky. No regrets left on his back.
"A wolf regrets killing sheep? If a wolf is raised to believe he is sheep, one day finally the walls of lies in his life will crumble down."
In a world filled with illusions and lies, the only truth that he could rely on was himself.
His journey continued with many obstacles in his mind; however, his will didn't falter for a mere second.
The end of the long road stood in front of him; tens of rivers fell into a hole with no sound of water hitting the bottom.
"How long did it pass?" This close to the Orcus, Ray could easily communicate with it.
"In Earth's time, a thousand years."
He had long lost his understanding of time in that place. "When I return, will my body return to its original form?"
"Yes."
He had grown old; all of his hairs and eyebrows were pure white, with wrinkles covering his whole body.
"Just twenty steps remain." Ray took a deep breath and walked; the last steps to reach the end were the hardest ones among all the millions that he had taken.
17...
11...
4...
The river itself had given up on trying to defeat him; no illusions followed his last three steps.
On the edge of a large hole that only darkness filled the void in, Ray stood with a smile on his lips.
"You succeeded."
"It was harder than I had imagined, but all I can say is that it was worth it. From now on, I'm a man with no regrets."
His small figure fell into the depths of what once was the heart of a giant.