Lucien's POV
Getting over Tiran was something I could not do.
Her face flashed constantly through my mind, her hilarious laughter and favorite words resounded in my ears like rhymes.
Her memories replayed in my mind from the first day we met till the night I struggled back home to find her bloody-still body on my bed.
My heart twitched. That day, still fresh in my mind: always haunted me.
It's been five years since Tiran died. A part of me died with her.
I held her image close to my bare chest. I was hurting and wished I could cry because the emotions harboured in my heart layer by layer.
They were choking me. I tried to force tears out of my eyes and was disappointed when only a stride of tears strolled down my cheek.
These emotions hoarded inside me. I'd always suppressed them but now they've escalated causing me unbearable pains.
I clutched my chest as pains ached deep in my heart cutting through every corner of my heart making sure.
This wasn't just the pain of losing Tiran and the baby. It was the pain of regret. My carelessness led to Tiran's death.
The pain of loneliness and emptiness. Tirans spot in my heart and life had remained empty for years.
Despite the support of my brother and family I was still lonely. Tiran left me feeling empty and it becomes worse every year.
The biggest pain that plagued my heart was knowing the one who caused my loss and pains was still alive.
Meeting him yesterday regurgitated all the pains I'd had under control. All that lingered in my spirit was anger and revenge.
The more I tried to control the dangerous hunger burning through me, the more it heightened and I became scared. Scared of myself. Scared of what I could do.
"That bustard still lives because of you." Lucy snarled.
"This is not the time Lucy."
"Yeah of course. This is not the time. You always say that. You said it and Tiran died and her killer is somewhere breathing and bragging.
Now you're saying it again. You should have at least let me kill him back in the woods. But you always know better and you let him go."
"Stop it, Lucy. The she wolf would have died. I thought you wanted her."
"Yes, I do, but Gerald didn't stand a chance against us. We could have easily killed him and still have our mate."
"Doesn't it hurt you that he's still breathing?" he asked.
"It hurts Lucy. It hurts even more now that I've seen him."
"Then let's find him and get this over with." Lucy suggested.
"We will, but I want some time alone now."
"I'll give you some time alone. It hurts to lose Tiran. She was the best gift from the moon goddess to us, but now she's gone and the moon goddess blessed us with another mate.
It's time to shake off the past and move on to the future. Our new mate."
"Tiran is no past to me." I growled.
I felt Lucy retract to the back of my mind. I was pleased he listened to me and did as I said.
Tiran could never be my past. The void she left could never be filled by anyone.
Not that I didn't try; I did, but it just couldn't work.
Women threw themselves at me, I had them at my beck and call, partied at clubs, got drunk at nights, became a workaholic and engrossed myself in sharpening my fighting skills.
While I was consumed in all of these activities none of them filled the void in my heart. I thought they did but it was all a camouflage.
Like covering a deep hole with a lid and when the storm blows it away, the hole becomes visible and you realize the hole was still there you just closed it.
"Oh brother, that was so rude of you." Derrick said. I had been buried in my thoughts that I didn't realise when he walked in.
"Not now, Derrick." I snarled, paranoid that he obstructed my silent moment.
"You didn't have to discard her like that." He said.
"Like what?" I snarled, hating how he annoyed me.
"Hey, chill Alpha, I'm not your girl."
"Fuck off!"
"I felt her embarrassment, that's all I wanted to say," he said. I remained silent, that was my resolve. I couldn't keep bickering over less important matters with him.
"I have something important to say though." He said.
"Fuck off my mind!" I growled, he was pissing me off.
"Chill dude, I'm off. Meet me at the gym house when you're ready to talk." with this he left the room.
I picked myself from the floor and sluggishly walked to the bathroom. I freshened up and wore my tracksuit pants and headed for the gym.
The gym house was just a few blocks from the main house. I couldn't deny I didn't notice how women's knees weakened as they saw me, their eyes glued to my bare chest.
I never liked wearing a shirt while exercising or sparring. I was a sweaty-man and loved walking around in an empty body. I loved the air that creased my skin.
Sadly, I can't be on my bare body so the slightest chance I get, which is at the gym or sparring field, I utilise it.
The other side of this was that this was how I got many of the women I fucked. They just couldn't resist me, offering themselves without requesting a dime.
Nevertheless, I always paid them after the session. I never wanted to feel guilty of using them and sending them away empty.
They should also gain from me aside from sex. Most of them rejected my offer but I always insisted.
I also don't want them to have any hope that they would become my mate. The payment informs them it was strictly business. Nothing more.
Nevertheless this didn't help as some of them still believed they would become my mate.
The countless fights that had occurred amongst shewolves that I've fucked. Each of them claiming they would become the next Luna.
It'd been minutes since I stepped out of the building. I couldn't explain why my eyes darted back to the building and there I met little she wolf's gaze.
We locked eyes for a second before she scurried away from the glass window.
"Mate." Lucy growled in my head. I remained silent, hoping when I don't respond he'll become silent too.
"You hurt our mate."
"I didn't. Everything I did was for her own good."
"So you think you're doing her a favour? Why not tell her the truth. Let her know what is going on."
"I can't. I'm not ready for that."
"She hates us because of you."
"I don't care." I declared.
"Fuck you!"
"Fuck you too." I replied Lucy.
"Dude, he is right." Derrick spoke from behind me, I didn't know where he was coming from, but he was walking behind me.
"This is not the time." I replied, hating how he turned up on me from behind and barged into my mind. "And I'm warning you for the last time to stay clear of my mind."
"I try to mind my business but they keep banging in my head. You think I like this? Having so many thoughts harassing my mind at the same time? Thoughts that aren't even mine. It's crazy." Derrick explained, his voice sounding burdened.
I was already overwhelmed by my own thoughts and couldn't imagine how he coped with knowing other people's thoughts.
What amazed me the most was how he could maintain a free happy spirit despite his plight in the form of a goddess-given gift every day.
I envied him. I'd always envied him. He was the kind of man I'd wanted to be.
Derrick was always joyful, positive, had great looks and was a free person.
It was painful accepting I could never be him. When we were younger, I tried to act like him and learnt the hard way to be myself.
"She's scared of you." Derrick said.
"She should be. I'm an Alpha."
"She's scared that we plan to hurt her."
"She barely understands what's going on around her. When she does she'll know it's all for her own good." I said.
"Lucian…"
"That's okay for now." I stopped him from completing his sentence, wanting to change the topic of discussion.
As we walked into the sparring field, hundreds of men were training, some beginners, others experienced warriors.
Derrick and I walked past them as they bared their heads to us in respect.
"Lucian, there's a problem." Amos, one of the trainers reported.
"What's the problem?" I asked, but as Amos began to speak Derrick came to me, driving my attention from what Amos was saying.
"Lucian, Gerald has been sighted." Derrick said.
"Where?" I asked, emotions whirling through me. "When was he sighted?" I added.
"Now. He is here, in our pack." He said.