"Those who do not love solitude do not know freedom."
A perfect phrase; use it as the epitaph on my tombstone.
Someone might say, well, there it is, a prime example of teenage cynicism. I remember, in my foolishness, I voiced it aloud, and Shizuka gave me a whole lecture, scolding me like a naughty kitten.
She didn't even give me the chance to explain that I realize the difference between specific isolation, often forced — say, the conditional "hikikomori" — and solitude, that is, a certain form of existence built upon the centralization of one's own "self."
I don't have a fear of society. It is necessary; there is no escaping it.
There was that experiment where a person was left in an empty room with all sounds isolated. In the end, if memory serves, the subject began to have auditory and visual hallucinations. And all those stories about mad hermits or aristocrats who barricaded themselves tightly in their estates, ready to shoot anyone deciding to drop by for a visit, are based on real cases.
There is no dispute, people tend to go mad from loneliness, because we are social creatures.
But for some reason, many forget that the degree and quantity of social interactions vary from individual to individual.
Let's use an analogy: someone drinks tea with two spoons of sugar, someone with one, and some add nothing at all, preferring instead to snack on something sweet.
Nah, that doesn't convey the essence; need another way.
Hmm…
Th-e-ere, found it: it is more reasonable to compare the necessity of interaction in society with the need for food. In both cases, one must realize the measure!
Everyone knows that an excess of calories leads to obesity, a lack — to dystrophy.
And I'm not stupid, am I? Not stupid, but actually quite wise! Therefore, I adhere to a strict and effective diet.
With this thought, I shoved the remains of a sandwich bought at a convenience store into my mouth. In principle, I wouldn't have refused to devour a couple more, but I simply didn't have enough money. The downsides of being a schoolboy. A lazy schoolboy, since I didn't want to stand at the stove to prepare a bento for myself in advance.
In such moments, you start to understand people who look for a partner for the sake of a comfortable existence. The most logical representatives of the human species, in my opinion.
As practice shows, or rather, my observations, the romantic period in relationships usually lasts a year or two, after which, basically, the routine begins. That's where the question of coexistence comes into play. If you are comfortable with your partner — you continue your business. If domestic problems cause conflict time after time, then the chance of breaking up is high.
For context, almost eighty percent of couples that emerged during school studies break up after graduation because…
— Hayato! — a displeased exclamation from somewhere in the back rows disrupted the orderly flow of my thoughts.
Sighing to myself, I skewed my gaze toward a group of classmates whose behavior Hiratsuka probably considers the standard for socially adapted school students.
Starring:
Goldilocks, aka Yumiko Miura. Blonde hair curled into ringlets, a school uniform hanging off her shoulders as if she were putting them on display, and a very short skirt that covered almost nothing. Her appearance isn't bad, seven Shizukas out of ten, and unlike with Yukino, points were deducted by no means due to the difference in breast size. Unlike Snowball, she creates too much noise, plus she constantly tries to pressure everyone with her authority. And one shouldn't forget about the bitchy character, which Miura doesn't hide in any way. However, you can't call her stupid either.
Cap, aka Hayato Hayama. The soccer team's forward, candidate for captain next semester. Concurrently — Yumiko's "boyfriend" and the unofficial leader of the class. As the majority of girls believe, he represents the model of a true handsome guy. A typical extrovert.
In supporting roles: three sycophantic guys, Yui Yuigahama, and a bespectacled girl.
They don't stand out with anything special, just hang out in the company of two "popular" personalities, thereby raising their own rating.
An alpha male of the "whipped" subtype, his female, and the suck-ups.
— Nah, I can't today, I have practice, — Hayama smiled sweetly.
— So skip it! There's a discount on ice cream at the cafe today! I really want chocolate ice cream, — Miura stomped her foot.
Oh, a typical conflict against the backdrop of a clash of interests.
— We can get it later.
— But I want it exactly today! — the classmate puffed up offendedly, whose argument with her "boyfriend" could serve as a wonderful illustration for my reasoning.
Boring, but at least some kind of show. The program "In the Animal World."
Involuntarily, I cast a glance toward Yui and frowned. No, she really has some problems with the floor; she's standing there drilling a hole in it with her gaze again. And hiding a bento behind her back for some reason.
Let's omit the fact that I perfectly understand she is in a state of resolving an internal conflict. Nothing prevents her from looking out the window. Or at the wall? Why lower the head like that?
— And, you know, Yumiko, if you eat too much, you'll get fat, — whoa-whoa, Hayato, take it easy, don't destroy my coherent theory about you being whipped.
Apparently, he forgot about the two classic forbidden topics with women: weight and age.
— I never get fat, no matter how much I eat. Right, Yui? — wow, Cap has a huge credit of trust if she let his statement slide so easily. Even turned it to her advantage. Plus a tenth of a point, Goldilocks.
— Yes, Yumiko is really cool! — and here's minus the same amount of points for you, Yuigahama. Here, you were simply required to smile and nod, or, I don't know, just nod. Worse than stupid remarks is inept flattery. What was that tail wagging for?
Hmm… Bitch? — a recent event came to mind.
Doggy? Mutt? Bitch? Little bitch?
— Today I'm going to eat until I burst! — tactfully glossed over? Or does Goldilocks like dirty sycophancy?
For some incomprehensible reason, everyone around Yumiko burst into laughter, including Yuigahama. Good Lord, how ridiculous it looks. Everyone laughs and you follow…
— Watch out, don't pop, — Hayama added oil to the fire, spawning another wave of merriment.
Hey, Sensei, do you really want me to become like this?
— I already said my figure won't suffer from that! Right, Yui? — Miura puffed up more theatrically than offendedly. And turned it to her advantage again. But without zest, so the overall score doesn't change.
And, Yuigahama, come on, you've been given a second chance.
— Yes, Yumiko is just amazing. And her legs are cool. But really, I need to…
Minus half a point, Doggy.
— Can't argue with that. But Yukinoshita's — are just stunning! — Goldilocks drawled with a touch of dreaminess.
Didn't get it. What was that for just now? An attempt to switch to a yuri route? Or is Snowball so popular that even the alpha females of our school drool over her?
…Ah, right, exactly that popular.
As always, judging by the cover. Talk to her tête-à-tête, I assure you, you'll sing a completely different tune.
— Oh, yeah, Yukinon has gorgeous legs, — readily, automatically, Yui agreed.
But another moment confused me more.
Yuki… non? Did I miss something, or did Doggy and Snowball manage to intertwine somehow?
Judging by Miura's expression, the exact same question arose for her.
I don't recall Yuigahama calling Goldilocks by a nickname.
— Oh, I mean, I wanted to say that Yumiko's are better, of course! — seeing the expression on the alpha female's face, Yui began backpedaling in mid-air.
A-and… minus another point, total: two.
Congratulations, Doggy. You are a brainless mongrel.
Try using your head for its intended purpose at least once: here, even to me, an asocial personality, it is clear as day — Yumiko got angry not because you praised Snowball. But because you called her by a friendly nickname. And, I can bet, Goldilocks hasn't been honored with such accolades.
— Well, actually, I was thinking here… I can go with you, but only after practice, — Hayato intervened, smiling excessively sweetly.
Miura's attention shifted instantly; the girl practically glowed with joy.
— Great! Waiting for your message!
Listen, Cap, if you were a girl, I'd boldly throw you a point. Essentially, he just sold his ass to defuse the situation. And did it so naturally. Immediately visible. An experienced "whipped" man. Wipe your stingy tears and applaud, comrades.
Yuigahama, meanwhile, taking advantage of the saving loophole, exhaled with relief and for some reason cast a glance in my direction.
Eh? Don't even think about it, Doggy. I am outside your pack. You brewed it yourself — you drink it.
— M-m, Yumiko, there's this thing… I need to step out… — stuttering desperately and looking away, Yui mumbled.
Okay. Let's look. An outwardly sociable and cheerful girl abruptly starts mumbling and dodging in every way possible. Isn't that a bit too suspicious, huh?
— Okay, then grab me some lemon tea on the way back, I don't want to eat dry food, — apparently, she didn't notice. Lucky?
By the way, the request looks ambiguous from the outside. One might think Goldilocks gave an order to her "gofer" like that. Almost with mockery. But, if we assume Yumiko has serious problems expressing requests not in the form of an order, in this way she is simply giving her friend a chance to redeem herself.
— Th-that, b-but I might not return until the end of the break, so I might not make it in time, and well… you know… — Yuigahama, what are you doing? Can't lie — don't try. Golden rule.
And, it seems, Miura could no longer ignore that. The girl's gaze turned cold, and her fists clenched.
— Hold on. I'm not understanding something, where are you going anyway? — she even raised her voice, but, it is worth noting, did not snap completely. — Plus, lately you constantly disappear somewhere after classes. Yui, are you tired of our company?
— Ah, well, you understand, it's, I have some business here, well, it's personal, I really apologize, but, um…
Bento behind the back. Inept excuses. Calls Snowball by a nickname. Wants to dump somewhere for the whole lunch…
Doggy, you know, there is such a saying: "Trying to sit on two chairs at once — you risk tearing yourself apart."
— Stop apologizing! — although here it is Goldilocks who risks tearing apart, true, for slightly different reasons and in a different place. — Can you say straight out, without mumbling, what the matter is? We are friends, after all!
Everyone around went quiet.
Yuigahama drooped even more, throwing a pitiful glance in my direction again.
Yeah right. Got up and intervened right now.
It's fun to watch a fight in the "animal world," but not to participate.
…A true hunter will finish off the survivor.
— Sorry… — and she apologized again. Correct, Doggy, put out the fire with gasoline!
— At it again? Aren't you tired of constantly apologizing? — the indignation in Miura's voice rose by several degrees.
Yui practically shrank into a ball.
— You are apologizing to the wrong person, Yuigahama, — a new participant unexpectedly wedged into the conversation. Ah, those patronizing intonations.
You won't make a hunter, Snowball.
Just the same alpha female. Which means…
Welcome to our educational program!
Nevertheless, her appearance attracted the attention of the entire class.
— Yuigahama… this is a bit too much. You ask me to meet you, yet you do not appear at the agreed time yourself. Maybe you should have informed me you were delayed? — due to the silence, her voice sounded louder than usual.
Yui perked up.
Just look at that tail wagging! Doggy, calm down, what is that shine in the eyes and broad smile? A second ago you looked like a beaten puppy in the rain.
And what a visible blow to Goldilocks' pride…
— Sorry. But, um, I don't have your number, — and she ran to her, looking ingratiatingly into her eyes.
— Is that so? Yes, probably, — Yukinoshita looked unfazed, well, or wanted everyone to think so. — Well, then, you are only partially at fault. I will close my eyes to it this time.
The arrogance slipping into her words was familiar to me. However, the rest of those present in the room looked dumbfounded.
The first to come to her senses, as befits a true alpha female, was Miura.
— Hey, we, actually, haven't finished talking! — she jumped to her feet, waving her hands irritably.
Good pressure, but in vain.
Or not in vain?
On one hand — wants to return the leading position.
On the other — snapped into emotions.
— Haven't finished talking? — Yukinoshita placed a finger to her chin. — Is that how you communicate? But it seemed to me you wanted to impose your opinion.
And, not letting Goldilocks get a word in, she smiled coldly.
— Sorry for not figuring it out immediately. I am unfamiliar with the behavioral model of your species, so I mistook you for an anthropoid preparing to attack. You can pretend as much as you like that you occupy the top rung of the hierarchical ladder, but please do so on your own territory, — she elegantly corrected a stray lock of hair. — Because that illusion is as easy to wipe away as your makeup.
As soon as she finished, I, unable to hold back, neighed loudly across the entire class, attracting all attention to myself, thereby interrupting the squabble.
It turned out to be stronger than me.
Shizuka, and you told me not to compare them to animals?!
Yukinoshita just told me in plain text: "Listen, this is my territory, my bananas, and my bitches!".
I somehow got to my feet, continuing to chuckle, walked up to Snowball, and gave her a thumbs up.
— Don't… ha-ha… forget to mark the territory, — and bursting into laughter again, I left the classroom to breathe some fresh air and calm down.
Yes, undoubtedly, staying away from society is the lot of wise men.
And I agree with that.
Especially since, sometimes, even observation is enough to laugh heartily.