In the tenth winter I lived in the outskirts of Luminara City, a city drowned beneath heavy, suffocating snowfalls. Beyond the town, the cold wind sliced straight through flesh, while the old chapel where I took refuge lay in a silence so deep it felt suffocating. The sky then was a blank sheet of white, still and mute like the world's farthest end.
That afternoon, the snowfall ceased, and sunlight pierced through the clouds, spilling across everything. I remained standing at the edge of that familiar cliff, one more step and I would plunge into a bottomless, pitch-black void.
It had been more than a month since my eyes were destroyed. They had taken my corneas, my light and my optic nerves had been wholly ruined. Pain was no longer the most terrifying thing; far worse was the moment my world collapsed into darkness, when I could no longer feel the presence of anything at all. But I had grown used to that insecurity. I had grown used to a life without light. My body was ravaged, exhausted from the fractures in my limbs, leaving me barely able to move. I felt nothing anymore. No sorrow, no joy, no hatred. Only emptiness.
People often say that waiting for death is the most frightening thing. But the fear inside me had long been worn away. All that remained was numbness.
The day before my engagement ceremony, my entire family had been slaughtered. Their corpses, old and young alike were hung along the halls of the mansion where I lived. I was the only survivor, dragged away alive. They took me to an abandoned chapel in the forest, gouged out my eyes, broke the bones in my arms and legs, then left me there to die like some broken object.
In the midst of pain I thought would kill me, a stranger appeared. I never knew whether they were a man or a woman. I only knew they saved me, bandaged my wounds and silently cared for me for half a month. Every day they traveled into the city to gather medicine for me, never speaking a single word, yet every act was steeped in kindness I could not comprehend.
Today, not long after that person left, I heard footsteps return. My heart lightened, and I smiled though the bandages over my eyes still burned with pain.
"You've come back…?"
The footsteps were heavier than usual. Something was placed on the table. Then they approached me.
I exhaled shakily, my voice trembling.
"I… don't know how much longer I can endure. I'm afraid… I've troubled you too much. If…"
Before I could finish, a cold blade sliced deep across my throat. Blood sprayed against the stone wall.
In that instant, I knew: the one who came was not my savior.But an enemy.
But which one, among the many who wanted me dead, had still not let me go?
I did not know.
But perhaps it was better this way. At least they would not harm the one who saved me. And I would not have to continue existing in this broken body alive, but worse than dead.
Only one regret remained: I could not say thank you.
As my breaths slowed, I thought if only my legs were still intact, if only I had the chance to meet my savior again, I would give anything to see their face.
Darkness swallowed me whole. I struggled like a bird with broken wings, trying to rise from the abyss. But the truth was simple: I was merely a small, helpless human crushed beneath the gravity of the dark.
My body fell rapidly in the dream, and in reality my body did the same jerking violently on the bed. Cold sweat drenched my nightgown, the sheets beneath soaked through. The bed shook with the force of my thrashing.
In the darkness of the room, a soft groan escaped my lips.
The window burst open. Someone leapt inside, footsteps quick and sure.
"Judy!"
A teenage voice hoarse, low quivered with fear.
I was still trapped in the nightmare, falling endlessly, until a sudden burst of light tore through the shadows, releasing my throat from that invisible grip. Warm hands caught me, lifting me from the abyss, pulling me back into reality.
I shot upright, breath breaking, heart pounding painfully.
That nightmare… it hadn't come back in so long.
I wiped my sweat and looked toward the figure standing behind the bed curtains. Nick, the orphan boy I once took in at Saint Claire Catholic Abbey stood there, not daring to come closer without permission.
The last time he rushed into my bed in the middle of the night to wake me from a nightmare, I had scolded him for not keeping proper distance. I had just come of age then, and he was fourteen. Though not siblings by blood, we were no longer children who could behave so freely.
I touched the curtain. He understood immediately and lifted it.
"Judy… you had a nightmare again."
Nick knelt on one knee beside the bed, his eyes so worried they looked wet.
"Let me make you some calming tea?"
I looked at his face. Four years ago when we met, he had been a frail little boy. Now he was tall, his features sharpening into those of a young man on the verge of adulthood.
Recently, the women in town had even begun asking whether I would consider letting their daughters marry him.
But to me… he was still the puppy who clung to me whenever I fell ill.
"I'm fine," I said, smiling as I reached to pat his head.
Nick immediately lowered himself so I could touch his hair. He nuzzled lightly into my palm just as he always had, a gesture seeking comfort for both of us.
"Judy… if you don't feel safe here, let's go back to Saint Claire," he whispered earnestly.
I shook my head.
After I survived the massacre, Saint Claire had been the only place brave enough to take me in. The Johnston family later found me and brought me home. But illness, injuries, and a warning of an "ill fate" once made them want to keep me in the chapel under the priest's protection. Still, I wanted to return to the city. This was where my family had been murdered. I had to protect my adoptive parents from the tragedy repeating.
I lifted a hand to my still-intact eyes, then looked at Nick. Moonlight glimmered in his gaze like a night lake.
"It's late. Go to sleep, Nick. And stop standing guard outside my window."
I tapped his nose lightly. Nick didn't reply. Instead, he helped me lie back down and tucked the blanket around me.
"I'll go once you fall asleep."
So I closed my eyes and let sleep pull me away.
Nick sat on the floor beside the bed, his back against the wooden frame, turning the small dagger he always carried. His other hand rested on his knee.
His eyes were somber far deeper and darker than someone his age should possess.
Only when the light of dawn grew pale, and the occasional murmur echoed through the convent halls, did Nick finally rise from the floor. He had not kept guard outside the window, he had obediently stayed beside Judy's bed. That probably didn't count as breaking the rules, right?
With his left hand, he idly twirled the dagger. Under the morning light, the blade's sharp edge seemed to bloom with tiny flowers of frost. Then, with a flick of his wrist, he sheathed it at his waist. His right hand rubbed his aching neck, and he carefully adjusted the scarf, one Judy had knitted for him herself.
Nick stretched lazily, then turned his head. Beyond the bed curtain, he couldn't clearly see the person sleeping inside. A faint joy flickered in his clear black eyes, then abruptly hardened into coldness. He flicked his wrist, and from his sleeve slipped a small needle. Without a sound, the corpse of the butterfly that had flown into the room last night perhaps disturbing Judy's sleep, split neatly in half and dropped to the floor.
The boy's coldness vanished a moment later. He swayed slightly, then quietly slipped out through the window.
…
It was nearly nine in the morning by the time I slowly woke. Light filtered through the gauzy curtains as Gazelle, my closest maidservant, lifted them with a gentle motion, as if afraid of startling me. She helped me sit up, her warm hand supporting my back.
From the cedar-scented wardrobe, Gazelle brought out a pale gold silk dress, soft as down, along with a thin silk coat patterned with gold. She helped me change with practiced, tender movements.
When she brought the basin of warm water for me to wash my face, the rising steam brushed against my skin, waking me a little more.
Suddenly, I exclaimed:
"Ah! Why is there a butterfly in my room?!"