Thursday
I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, surrounded by the boxes stacked against the walls in my now half empty bedroom, contemplating what on earth shifted to cause what happened this past week and turned everything upside down.
My life had been pretty normal, considering Dad's career in the US Air Force, we moved a grand total of three times in my 17 years, mom was always conscious of uprooting my life whilst growing up, to which I'll always be thankful, however she didn't protest at all to this move, which surprises me, this will be the furthest move yet for all of us.
I lay there silent with my thoughts, the only noise disruption coming from my phone and I could guarantee who it was before even looking at it.
My phone hasn't stopped buzzing since I found Jacob, my 5'10 blonde, green eyed boyfriend, naked in the back of his car with another girl. Now that I think bout it, why was he in his car, parked in his driveway instead of inside in his bedroom…surely that's asking to be caught red handed?
I reach for my phone only to see that it's flooded in missed calls and texts from Jacob swapping from apologising and pleading for forgiveness, to hurling abuse and insults at me. I don't bother replying back, I simply blocked his number and deleted him from my Facebook and Instagram. A year relationship, down the drain. Jacob was never the best boyfriend, he had a fair few red flags and more narcissistic tendencies that I ignored, but at least I felt like I had something here with him, a friend, someone I trusted. Growing up on a base was isolating to say the least.
I let my tears fall freely, splashing all over my phone, in two weeks I turn 18, and it's nothing like I had imagined it would be, no boyfriend, no friends and I'm going to be dumped in the middle of nowhere, great.
Dad walks in, all upbeat talking about the exciting opportunities ahead, "new school, new friends, new opportunities".
This seemed to be his mantra these days but my mind drifts to a conversation we had when he first broke the news to me about this move; school.
The school system in Wales confused me, currently, I was a junior, ready to be a senior when dad mentioned that most students don't attend 'sixth form' in Wales and that it's a choice when you turn 16 and go to college then university.
The thought of no more high school was fantastic! For the good 10 seconds that it lasted before dad proudly announced he'd enrolled me in a private school, and I'd be joining this 'sixth form' and that it will help me decide what I want to do with my life. Cue my eye rolls.
"Em, it will be idyllic" dad coos from the doorway, there goes that word again.
I wholeheartedly believe that when dad thinks of Wales, he thinks of scenes such as the from the Hobbit, roaring green hills, stone cottages, dense woodland and cascading waterfalls, me on the other hand see nothing but an isolated, rain soaked village with nothing to offer.
"Come on, van's out side Em" dad breaks the silence between us, I grab my two suitcases, packed haphazardly and slowly drag them downstairs.
As the last of our belongings are loaded onto the van, I take a final walk around base, the sun was shining brightly in the sky, but that didn't change the dull, dark feeling I had, this will forever be the day, a Thursday no less,2 that I last see the sun properly and my home for the last 5 years and it hits me, I feel nothing.
I have no feeling of detachment, the only thing I'll miss is the sun…I walk past the diner where me and Jacob first met, the social club where half the kids were left when parents were busy with work duties but still, the only feeling I get is relief to be leaving.
Is this because of Jacob?
Would I be feeling differently had he not have cheated?
I walked past the largest tree on base and the memory of Jacob carving our names into the bark floods my mind, yet all I feel is the weight of betrayal and relief to be free.
I climb in the truck as mom and dad finish saying their final goodbyes to neighbours and friends, realising that they have more attachment here than I do. "Well, time to hit the road, I'll sure miss this truck over in Wales" dad chirps.
Oh right, their trucks are tiny compared to ours.. I loved this truck, sure it was an old and banged up faded red Ford F-150 pickup, and it was me doing most of the banging while learning to drive, but it was ours, full of memories of near misses when I was driving, the thought made me chuckle.
As we head to the airport, mom tries engaging me in conversation, asking if I've seen the brochures for the school and surrounding activities, I deflect all of their questions with my own questions regarding the area and what they expect me to do in the middle of nowhere until we finally reach the airport.
The reality of leaving starts to hit hard and the thought of moving so far away brings tears to my eyes, granted I didn't have friends as such, acquaintances I went to school with but still, the idea of moving so close to my final year roots me to the floor.
"Em, let's go, the flights boarding soon. Emma?" Mom gently nudges my arm forward and I force my feet to move, dad's already strutting ahead, blissfully unaware of how lost I feel right now.
On the plane they gave me the window seat, knowing that I usually love looking at the clouds below us, however this flight gives me no joy or excitement, instead I sit there staring through the window as we ascend, watching my life as I know it, fall further behind us.