I never thought of writing about fear.
I never wrote about fear now that I think about it, I always wrote about disappointment, love, etc. But never scary, I think I never did it because I didn't dare to talk about it.
Why do I do it now? Because one; my head is spinning thousands and I feel that if I don't write I'm going to have a stroke, and second because I'm too scared.
What am I afraid of? Well, to get hurt again, I'm afraid to give you my heart again and that you break it, I'm afraid to let you go through all my walls until you touch my soul but that when everything happens, you stab my soul, Can you stab the soul? Yes, Yes, if you can, the person who gave me life did it about five times and now fear and distrust are eating me alive with bad thoughts.
I can't stop thinking about everything, about each of the things you told me, about how I felt and how we are now, I know you're trying to change but distrust kills me, and fear doesn't even talk to you. My brain is alert telling me not to trust because you are going to hurt us again, however my heart wants to make me jump into your arms like a crazy woman in love and that you give me many kisses.
If you call me bipolar but that's how I feel now, I want to yell at you, but I also want to cry, the problem is that you won't understand me and I'm going to be like crazy, and that I always look for a fight. I want to trust, it's just that I don't know if it's ideal... I don't know if you're going to destroy me again and tell me things that hurt me.
The fear of knowing that you have the power like Thanos to thunder your fingers and make my soul disappear, only that you use words, words that mark me so much that at night they do not let me sleep and torment me, you can with only four words, cause an earthquake and make our eyes rain and rain incessantly until you ask for forgiveness again and little by little everything clears up and it doesn't rain anymore.
You have such power over me that that is my fear, that if you decide to leave, you will take you until the last kiss I gave you and even the desire to get out of bed.
I say to the wind "come back" to see if it reaches your ears in a passing breeze, I ask the sky to stop loving you and on the moon our first kiss is reflected, and that's when it's all dark and fear happened to lie down next to me telling me that you already want to leave.
That you want to leave but you don't take my fear away.