I always told you that I would love to write a story about us, tell how we met, tell from my side how little by little I loved you, however, I never thought of writing about the end of our story, maybe in the future I will write about how beautiful our relationship was the time it lasted and what I learned.
Today I can only say that your departure is slowly killing me and consuming me, I know it's the best for both of us, it goes, it's the best for you now and the hardest for me. The other day watching "500 Days With Her", I felt like Tom the main character, I was idealizing you all this time, thinking and wanting you to be someone that from the beginning you told me that you were not, it's just that I clung to the idea and the belief that you were the one because I really wanted you to be, I clung to the idea of being able to make you change, the problem is that it was not possible, and not because of my fault, but because you can't help someone who doesn't let himself or doesn't want to be helped.
Today I am in the process of starting to forget you and forgive you to be able to heal, forget you so that I don't want to stay alone for clinging to memories or ten minutes of love and weeks of ignoring me, and forgiving you because you weren't ready, you don't know what you want in your life which I don't judge, I understand it only that you wouldn't have allowed me to fall in love with you so now it wouldn't hurt me so much to have you close, having you literally a meter away and not being able to hug you. It wouldn't hurt me to have to share a bed with you without saying good night Or stay talking and laughing a few more minutes, it wouldn't hurt to know that when I want to talk to you you you're no longer there. If I could turn back in time, I wouldn't answer the first message you sent me, or it would only have been something for one night and that's it, we both went on with our lives, however, we let this happen, were selfish, arrogant and when at least I managed to put pride aside apparently for you it was already late because you didn't want to be by my side anymore, and that leads me to ask myself a single question, "When did everything start to fall apart?" It is a question that generates anxiety, insomnia and doubts because if I had seen the signs, things and facts would have been different. We would not be talking about the fact that I have to forget you, I would not be mentally torturing myself with your departure.
It's not easy for me to get you out of my head because I close my eyes and you're there, you're there looking at me with that love and that brightness, you look at me with a smile that melts me right away, and I wonder "what happened to the brightness of those brown eyes?", I look for you in every sigh, in every breath but it's too late, we can't turn back time to when everything started to go wrong or even when we met because we don't know if that would have been worse.
I miss you, I love you and I hate you...