Chapter 85: New Wick
The next day, Alan and I were in the kitchen. I was telling Berta about what happened yesterday at Jake's birthday.
She was working on Sunday for some extra cash (but she won't come from Wednesday onward since the family will be traveling).
"So your father didn't get any luck yesterday?" Berta snorted.
I shrugged while cutting my pancake. "Yep. Sal was too drunk when she showed up, and it only got worse once she started drinking with Grandma at the Magic Castle."
I had to call Cam and Mitchell to come pick her up. Cam even made a whole scene when he saw Rose dressed like a clown and realized he wasn't invited to the wedding (it was from someone he actually knew).
"And Judith's sister wanted this one," Berta spoke, nodding toward my uncle.
Alan made a face. "Nothing happened, Berta," he denied.
She scoffed. "The meat always drops on the vegetarian's plate," she said mockingly.
"She's my ex‑wife's sister," he defended himself.
Berta retorted, "One more point to do it."
Then dad walked into the kitchen smiling. "Morning, all." He beamed. "Beautiful day."
"You're in a good mood," Berta looked at him, "even after everything yesterday."
"Well, I suppose I am." Charlie nodded, ignoring what happened yesterday. "I got a little email this morning from an ex‑girlfriend who says she needs to-" he made air quotes, "- 'see' me."
"No kidding," Berta said dryly. "I wonder if she's 'knocked up,'" she imitated the air quotes.
"Uhh," I clapped playfully, "Am I getting a new brother or sister?"
Dad shot me a glare. "Nobody's knocked up. I haven't heard from her in five years."
"So she's bringing you a four‑year‑old," I pointed out.
"Believe me, nobody's bringing anything." He shut the topic down, then turned back to our housekeeper. "Remember Jill?"
"Jill the slob?"
"Yeah, but do you remember how hot she was?"
"Sure, she was a tight unit, but she left dirty dishes everywhere." Berta deadpanned. "Wait a minute," she remembered something. "Isn't she the one who dumped you?"
"Somebody dumped Charlie?"
"Somebody dumped Dad?" Alan and I said at the same time.
"Broke his little black heart. It was pathetic," she nodded dryly.
Charlie denied, "She didn't dump me. She had personal problems and moved to Europe to, you know… find herself."
"Berta?" We both sought the truth.
"He wept."
"I did not. I felt the appropriate level of sadness for a good relationship that had run its course," Dad explained.
"I had to carry him to bed three nights in a row," Berta revealed.
"I was perfectly happy sleeping under the deck," Charlie finished, grabbed his car keys, and walked out.
"You bring her home, you clean up after!" our housekeeper shouted before he left, then she turned to Uncle Alan. "Thank God you never get any, even when it's right in front of you."
I stiffed a laugh.
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After a few hours, I was lying on the living room couch reading a book when the door suddenly opened.
"Thanks for the ride, Bill. You're a good friend." Dad walked in with a guy behind him.
The man acted surprised. "You called me Bill."
"That's your name, lady"
"Just like old times, huh? Drag your drunk ass home, take you upstairs, get you undressed and…" Dad's friend was already helping him up the stairs.
"Hey, I don't want to interrupt," I stood up from the couch, "but Dad… did you change your preferences?" I raised an eyebrow.
Charlie scoffed.
"Wow, he really is like you," the guy beside him commented, staring at me.
"Bill, this is my son, Francis," Dad introduced us, "This is my old friend Bill"
I muttered, "Bill… Jill… and the whole talk about like old times…" My eyes widened. "Hey, Bill, did you come back from Europe with… I don't know… extra personal baggage?" I spoke the last part very suggestively.
"I told you he was a smart one" Charlie smirked.
Bill looked a little embarrassed, but confirmed it.
Then Uncle Alan also showed up, and Dad made the introductions again.
"Nice to meet you, Bill."
"Same here." He shook Alan's hand.
"I thought you were gonna hook up with that girlfriend who wanted to 'see' you," Alan commented, glancing at his brother.
"Right. Turns out she changed her 'mind'. Anyway, I ran into my old friend Bill here," Dad explained.
"So, stood up by Jill, ran into Bill. That's funny," Alan laughed nasally.
Charlie snorted, "You have a sick sense of humor, Alan."
My uncle started small talk. "So, Bill, are you from around here?"
"I was, but I moved away for a couple of years. I'm planning on moving back and buying a place."
Then, out of nowhere, my grandmother walked out of the kitchen. "Hello. Evelyn Harper, Evelyn Harper Real Estate."
Good Lord, Grandma can be summoned in different ways.
"Yeah, Mom's here. She came in through the garage," Alan announced.
Dad dismissed it, "No problem, I'm drunk."
"I'm Bill Shraeder. I'm a friend of Charlie's."
"No need to apologize." Evelyn spoke with a poised smile, "So, are you interested in renting or buying?"
"Buying."
"Excellent. Price range?"
"I'm flexible."
"I'll bet you are."
"But I was talking money."
"So was I. Sexy and liquid. I like that in a man."
Evelyn and Bill went back and forth.
Seeing the two of them interact, I decided to intervene. "Grandmother, I need to talk to you."
"Now, dear?" She shot me an annoyed look.
I nodded. "Now."
She leaned closer, and I made her an offer. "I have an acquaintance looking to buy a property. Show him something today." I held up nine fingers.
"Nine million??" she exclaimed.
"If you don't want it, I'll tell Phil" I muttered.
She turned to Bill. "Sorry, I'll have to assist you another day."
Grandma said her goodbyes, already heading toward what could possibly become her biggest sale of the year.
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