Chapter 77: Valentine's Day
"Here, try this." Charlie picked up a bit of Chinese food with his chopsticks and offered it to Jake.
My cousin asked, "What is it?"
"Just try it."
"Hey, that's good."
"Of course it is. It's chicken in frumunda sauce."
"Frumunda sauce?"
"Yeah, from unda' the toilet," Dad joked.
Jake let out a laugh and looked at Alan, "Get it, Dad?"
"Yeah, I get it. I got it 30 years ago, the first time he said it," he replied, a little drier.
"Yeah, but it's new to him." And Charlie continued, "Hey, Jake? What do you call the red mushy stuff between the elephant's toes?"
"What?"
"Slow-moving natives."
He laughed again.
"I love this kid. He's a comedy blank slate," Dad commented, amused.
"I'm glad you do, but you might not want to share your chopsticks with him. I think he's coming down with something," Alan warned.
Charlie dismissed it. "Before I forget, you got plans for tomorrow night?" he asked Alan, since I had already told him my plans for Valentine's Day.
"No," my uncle denied.
"Make some. I'm gonna need the house to myself."
"Fine."
"Don't you want to know why?"
Alan glanced at his son. "Jake, if you're done, you can go to your room and start your homework."
Jake blurted out, "This is about sex, right?"
I coughed, then laughed. "Kids today, huh? Doesn't know the frumunda sauce joke but gets why Dad needs the house."
Alan let out a long sigh and again motioned for Jake to go to his room.
After my cousin was no longer in sight, Charlie revealed, "I have a hot woman I was interested in, but she was married."
Alan snorted, "So the sanctity of marriage does slow you down a bit."
My dad ignored him and went on, "But the thing is, he cheats on her with her best friend. She throws him out. Now I'm thinking she's gonna want justice."
I nodded in agreement. "Revenge sex."
"See? My son understands me," Charlie patted my back.
Alan just scoffed and warned again, seeing Dad pick up the remaining food from Jake's plate, "Don't take things off his plate. He's coming down with something."
"Relax. I never get sick."
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The next day.
"Boy, is he sick," Jake remarked, looking at his father, who was completely knocked out on the couch.
I kept a safe distance so there was no chance of getting contaminated. "Wow, Uncle Alan, you were really correct yesterday."
"Well, I can't say he didn't warn me," Charlie admitted beside me as he drank some tea.
My cousin complained, "I'm bored. What are we gonna do today?"
"Sorry, champs, I'm going to pick up my new car soon and then head to a date," I replied.
"You bought a new car?" Dad looked at me strangely, since I already had two.
"Yep, a brand-new Ferrari - and this one has four seats. We can all take a ride another day."
Jake got excited. "Cool!!"
"Excuse me? Hasn't anybody noticed I'm sick and miserable here?" Alan complained.
Well, the only difference I'm seeing is the sick part…
"Yes, Alan, we noticed. Which is why we're gonna make like hockey players and get the puck out of here," Charlie said, gesturing.
"Get it, Dad? Puck's not a bad word, but it sounds like one." Jake found it funny.
"Yeah, hilarious," Alan spoke sarcastically between coughs.
"Don't worry, Uncle Alan, help is on the way," I commented. "Grandma said she was stopping by."
"Oh, we really need to get out of here," Charlie muttered as he pulled Jake, and I was already heading out as well.
We could still hear Alan groaning in the back, like an animal left as an offering.
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When I arrived at the house in Brentwood, Jay was already trying on a new coat Gloria had given him as a present.
"I like it. Nice fit." He smoothed the fabric with his hand. "Swanky material."
"Jay, you look so strong and sexy. Like an Olympic wrestler, but with money," Gloria praised.
I stepped closer and touched the fabric too. "It looks really good," I agreed, "and it even has custom embroidery - JP."
Jay gave me an appreciative pat on the shoulder and turned to Gloria. "Your turn."
Gloria exclaimed, "This is my favorite day in America." She eagerly opened the package. "Ay dios mio, they're huge!" she smiled when she saw the pearl earrings.
"Happy Valentine's Day, gorgeous," Jay smiled. "You can wear them tonight. I have a surprise." He handed Gloria some tickets.
"Don't tell me you're finally taking me salsa dancing!" She looked excited - until she read what the tickets were for. "David Brenner?" She frowned.
But I was the one who replied, "Are you taking Gloria to a comedy show on Valentine's Day?" I looked at Jay strangely.
"He's a Vegas legend," Jay defended himself.
Gloria sighed and changed the subject to avoid an argument. "How about you, Jake? What are your plans for Valentine's with Summer?"
"We're having lunch at the Shutters on the Beach Hotel in Santa Monica…" I paused for a moment. "Double date, with Marissa and Alex. Summer's idea…"
"With a girl you had a thing with, and another who has feelings for you?" Jay commented sarcastically
"If you put it that way…" I muttered, "Coop is our best friend, especially Summer's BFF. And we've been hanging out a lot together, even if sometimes there's a bit of jealousy…"
Summer is only jealous of Alex. I don't know if it's because of me or Marissa, probably both.
I sighed, "I'm suffering from an excess of success."
"Okay, Gatsby," Jay spoke dryly, "just be careful so you don't end up with no one."
Then Manny appeared with his head down, "The universe is cold and loveless," he murmured
"Ay, papito, what happened?" Gloria went over to Manny.
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