Chapter 72: Hot Crazy Chick
A few days after the chaos of Manny's dating disaster, I was kissing Summer on the deck in Malibu when, out of nowhere, I noticed something unusual.
"Hey, usually girls take their clothes off and go inside the house," I called out to the woman who was undressing.
She glanced at me. "Hi, you must be Charlie's son. Name's Frankie." Then she kept taking her clothes off and headed straight into the ocean.
I heard a pointed "hum hum."
"Why don't you look a bit more?" Summer folded her arms and made a face.
I nodded. "Good idea." I immediately turned to look at the woman again, but I wrapped my arms around Summer before she could jab me in the ribs.
I started tickling her. "Stop it, Jake!" she giggled, and I pulled her in for a few more kisses.
"You only know how to take advantage of me," she muttered.
"That I know!" I bit her ear. "Come on, let's go inside," I said, sliding my hand over her shoulder.
"Hey, Dad, there was a woman taking her clothes off and going for a swim," I pointed behind me.
"Yeah. Is this a great country or what?" Dad grinned.
I agreed wholeheartedly. "God bless America!"
Summer nudged me.
"So, who's the chick?" I finally questioned.
Uncle Alan explained everything. "She was trashing a car with a baseball bat when we left the dentist's office and, you know, one thing kind of led to another."
"Was that her car?"
"No, just the psychiatrist's," Alan answered with a hint of sarcasm.
"Well, at least she's not that crazy," I considered.
Summer remarked dryly, "So the psychiatrist part went completely over your head."
"Hey, she trashed a car, then got naked and jumped into the ocean. A psychiatrist was going to be involved at some point in the story - if not in the past, then definitely in the future," I pointed out.
"Hi, Dad. Hey, Uncle Charlie. Hi Cousin Francis and Summer!" Jake came hopping toward us, wrapped in a thin strip of white cloth.
Summer squinted at the sight. "Maybe I'm in a hospice. That's why that woman is here."
"Yep. No wonder you fit right in," I laughed.
She gasped and took a playful swing at me, but I dodged.
"You're just like Gloria and Claire - can't win the argument, so you go straight to violence," I teased, pinning her arms gently before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Speaking of psychiatric hospitals…" I muttered as I spotted another woman walking toward us.
"Rose, what are you doing?" Alan blinked in confusion, unsure why his son was wrapped like that.
She revealed proudly, "We're playing 'Mummy on a Chair.'"
Summer frowned again. "Where's the chair?"
"In a place like this (hospice), the chairs are invisible," I whispered to her, making her laugh.
Rose didn't hear us and happily ran after Jake (fortunately, not me).
Someone knocked on the door.
"Judith, hi," Alan greeted as he opened it. "I'll get Jake right away."
"Jake, your mom's here!" he shouted toward the hallway. Then he turned to Charlie. "Why don't you go out on the deck and keep an eye out for approaching squalls?" - trying desperately to avoid Frankie showing up at the worst possible moment.
"I'm on it." Dad headed to the deck.
Alan forced a strained smile at Judith. "It's squall season."
She replied flatly, "Remember, I'm bringing him back tomorrow night so I can see my parents." She paused, noticing something, "Why is there a woman's shoe on your floor?"
I cut in before Alan could crash and burn. "It's a new form of art. It'll be a trend in the future." Not entirely wrong - even a banana taped to a wall became 'art.'
"Save your sarcasm, Francis," she scolded, grabbing Jake as he appeared.
Before leaving, she shot one last glare at Alan. "Tell your brother he's a pig."
I answered for him. "Oink, oink," giving a confirming snort before shutting the door so she couldn't add more insults.
Summer crossed her arms. "And here I was thinking my stepmom was bitchy."
A moment later, Frankie showed up wrapped in a towel. "God, I needed that."
"Me too," Charlie smirked.
She continued, "It's like all my insanity and rage have just been washed away." Then she looked at us. "Where can I take a nice hot shower?"
Alan and Charlie exchanged a look.
"I said where, not with whom," she clarified, waving her hands.
Summer volunteered. "I'll show you." And the two of them headed toward the hallway.
"Good, Charlie. Keep hitting on the deranged woman," Alan deadpanned. "While you're at it, why don't you try humping a bear trap?"
"Alan, open your eyes. That is an intriguing and exciting woman. A rare and magnificent jewel," Dad declared as he headed upstairs.
Alan shouted back, "She's hot and you're horny!"
"I'm saying," Charlie called back.
"Good point, Uncle Alan," I added, walking toward the hallway.
"You gonna kick her out?" he asked.
"Not really. I'm gonna take a shower with my girlfriend," I smirked.
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Summer had already gone home - she'd sleep here tomorrow. The four of us were sitting at the table having dinner.
"I just love warm sake," Frankie smiled as Dad poured into the cup she was holding.
Charlie agreed, "Me too." He raised his cup, "Tora, tora, tora!" And the two of them drank.
"I prefer it as a cocktail," I commented, raising my own glass, which had a mix of sake and red fruits.
"You know, Frankie, there are many fine hotels in the area," Alan noted with a hint of sarcasm.
She replied unbothered, "I can't stay in a hotel."
"Why not?"
"Wow, that is a very good question," she said before casually returning to her food.
The three of us exchanged looks when she didn't elaborate.
Uncle Alan tried again. "So, where are you from?"
"Guess," she proposed.
"I wouldn't know where to begin," he blinked, confused.
"Okay," she responded simply, and the awkward silence returned.
Alan eyed us. Dad simply shrugged.
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