Chapter 51: Lisa
I was having breakfast in Malibu when I heard someone complaining from the laundry room.
"Good Lord, I wash more sheets than a roadside motel," Berta remarked dryly from the other side of the room.
Summer froze mid-bite, cheeks turning pink.
I shrugged. "At least mine always has the same perfume."
My girlfriend scoffed. "It better be, or she'll be cleaning up a murder scene."
"Yeah, I'd leave the face intact..." she added, after seeing my smirk
We went back to our breakfast.
A moment later, she stood up. "I gotta go - we mere mortals with normal-sized brains still have to attend school on time," she teased, giving me a quick kiss before leaving.
After finishing breakfast, I headed to Dad's room and knocked lightly on the open door
"Morning, Francis. Come in," Charlie called. He was fixing his collar in front of the mirror.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I entered his room.
"Picking out a shirt," he replied while buttoning it.
I eyed him for a moment. "That one looks nice," I remarked with a nod.
It was a dark blue shirt - Dad's style was casual but somehow still charming.
"You think?" He looked in the mirror again. "That'll be it," he decided with a grin.
Right then, Uncle Alan appeared in the doorway.
"Morning. What are you two doing?" he asked.
"Dad's meeting someone interesting," I answered, "and I'm going back to sleep."
Alan frowned. "Don't you have school?"
"Don't mind the small things, Alan," Charlie dismissed. "How's your book going, son?"
I told them I was Jake Scribbles and had released Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
"Not bad - sold a hundred thousand copies in two months," I reported casually. "Three hundred grand waiting for me at the start of next year."
Royalties are usually paid semiannually or annually.
"Three hundred thousand dollars?!" Alan blurted out.
"Ah, the feeling of having a son who makes me proud," Charlie patted my back. "He's like me, Alan - creative, makes a lot of money doing very little work, drives a nice car, and gets laid every other day," he smirked.
"Yeah, and I've already written the second and third books. Might not need to work for a long time," I commented.
Alan looked between us as if God had personally insulted him. Finally, he sighed and switched topics.
"So… do you guys have any plans for Thanksgiving?"
"I'm going to my cousin's birthday party," I replied.
Phil confided in me that they were throwing a big party for Luke this time. Since his birthday is close to Thanksgiving, it seems like Luke never had a proper one.
Charlie shrugged. "Alan, I don't plan that far ahead."
"It's this Thursday," Uncle Alan replied, giving him a disbelief look.
"No kidding?" Dad blinked. "Didn't we just do the whole pumpkin, costume thing with the kid?"
"You mean Halloween?" my uncle asked, baffled.
"That was three weeks ago, Dad," I noted, amused. Claire would scold him if she heard that. Halloween was her favorite holiday.
"Huh, okay. Want to go to Vegas?" He looked at Alan, since I'd said I was going to a kid's party.
"I was thinking something a little more traditional," Alan murmured
"That reminds me, I have another reservation at Malibu Rocky Oaks Estate Vineyards next week," I revealed.
Then I added, "We could do a family trip, like I did with the other side of my family."
"You're not thinking of inviting Mom - The Impaler - are you?" Dad turned to me.
"I don't think we have much choice," I said to him. "And relax, that place is marvelous."
"Anyway, who's the lucky chick, Dad?" I wondered, changing the subject.
"Her name is Lisa," Dad replied.
"Lisa-who-used-to-live-here Lisa?" Alan continued.
"She lived here, she moved out... she lived here, I moved out. At one point, neither one of us lived here. Yeah, that Lisa," Dad explained.
"Wow, now I'm curious to meet her," I remarked, waving as I headed back to my room.
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After taking a nap, I went back to the kitchen.
"Huh, you're still here, Uncle Alan?" I said, seeing him sitting and watching TV.
He turned to me. "Yeah, one of my patients rescheduled for seven o'clock tonight," he answered, sounding a bit exasperated.
Then dad appeared, carrying what looked like a giant frozen turkey.
"Change of plans," he announced to us. "We're gonna have a big family dinner right here," he said, sitting on the couch with the turkey on his lap.
Alan looked at him oddly. "Uh-huh, and whose big family were you planning on inviting?"
"You know... you, me, Francis, his girlfriend, Jake, Mom, turkey - just like the good old days," he replied, giving the turkey a slap.
"What good old days?" Alan asked sarcastically.
Charlie waved a hand dismissively. "It's just an expression, don't get hung up on it."
"Let me guess," I spoke, walking closer with a cup of coffee in hand. "Lisa's also invited, right?"
Charlie gave the face of someone caught red-handed.
Alan turned off the TV and asked, "Okay, what's going on?"
"I need to show Lisa that I'm a family guy," Charlie revealed.
My uncle promptly denied, "But you're not."
"Sorry, Dad, but I gotta agree with Uncle Alan. Your best shot at being a Family Guy is to gain fifty pounds and change your name to Peter," I remarked, sipping my coffee.
Alan let out a nasal laugh while Charlie glared at me. "You should be on my side, son."
"I am," I confirmed. "I'll even be here and bring Summer along. But sometimes we need to tell a few truths."
I won't deny that I have some moral flexibility, especially when it comes to people I care about. But I never let them get away without a few jabs.
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