It's been exactly two weeks since the day that collapsed my entire nervous system. I would describe that as the Pompeii fall, because the world I lived in was destroyed to ashes without a chance to save it. My best friend moved out, and we saw each other only a few times after. My boyfriend and I have been intimate only once, and his father is using me sexually to keep his mouth shut for the sake of my love with his son. My brother is still in a coma, making my brain restless, heart angry, and savings empty. My mom, the last person I want to mention, met me once in the hospital for Chester's visit.
The days went by extremely fast yet exceptionally slow, as I experienced a new love I have never felt before - alcohol. Since Rita's absence from my apartment, I started abusing alcohol and all kinds of sweet liquors, as I always loved sweets.
The first "free night' without Rita felt weird, as I kept controlling myself in the amount I consumed. But after seeing Alexander for the first time since the additions in the contract, I went all in with my intimate yet passionate oral sex with strong booze. The stuff I was shoving down my throat, allowing the burning liquid to get through me, felt relieving.
I built a great relationship with the cashier at the convenience store nearby, which gave me discreet access to a wide range of spirits. I would frequently pass by the store after a "date" with Riven's father.
He became way more sexually aggressive to me, as I got a new nickname - his slut. I was okay with this update, as every sex, every touch by him, every touch of my lips on his body were forgotten on the same night, as I was getting drunk at home.
The catalyst of my "I love alcohol, it is useful to me" to "I can't live without it" happened when, after sleeping at Riven's place, I rushed to meet his perverted, mindfucked father, who saw Rita's necklace on me and decided to call me Lotta when he would sexually abuse me. He had the audacity to notice this precious necklace when I was on top of him and drag me with it, saying :
"So you are Lotta, huh? I love this name, it reminds me of the book "Lolita", have you read it? You are a smart girl, you should know what I am talking about!"
After these words, he flipped my body and put me in the doggy position, or how I call it "pray and obey," and took my anal virginity. That night, I cried from pain and tried plain vodka.
So I became his slut on the majority of days. When he was feeling exceptionally aggressive or horny, I was hisLotta. It went from having a favourite necklace, associating it with my new life, to ripping it off and throwing it from the apartment balcony. The "Lotta" days happened only a few times. Yet, they were the reason I started losing my sexual interest in Riven, or in intimacy in general.
Unlike his father, Riven never put sex as the base of the relationship pyramid, so time with him would heal me just a little. I started escaping spending time with him, making excuses, such as "I am busy studying for university" to "I am with Rita". He also had no idea about my real brother, who is on the verge of dying, because initially, my dumb brain thought it was a good idea to lie about my background.
There were times when I would ask myself, "Is it really worth the damage I am doing?". And it was.
I was working on Alexander to pay off my brother's hospital bills and trying to make a happy ending with his son by working on him once again. This twisted, connected wire between all of us was making me sick, so I didn't and still don't see the issue of drinking my stress and pain away.
This evening, I was getting ready to get ripped in every part of my body that has a hole by Alexander. I made a rule not to have more than one shot of vodka before him, as being tipsy or drunk is not the most terrific idea for my representation as a potential wife of his son. This thought had a big space in my brain area, which is responsible for dreaming, because dreams and hopes rarely die, or they die last.
I prepared my usual essentials"whore" kit and put it in my purse. Right before heading out, I sprayed myself with yet another new perfume, because masking my booze scent is critical for both Riven and Alexander.
Months ago, I would choose light, sweet, flowery scents or dark chocolate scents at their craziest. Whereas now all I cover myself with is a cherry, tobacco, or incense scent.
High heels and a light, dark jean jacket were waiting for me, which I put on top of my seductively smelling body. I turned my phone on "do not disturb" and left home.
I told John not to disclose where I was going every time he drove me to the older Mr. Montrose, because I didn't care, since the main point was obvious. These past few weeks, I wondered whether John knew about me and my impact on the Montrose family, which made me shy and ashamed to talk to him. Our car rides went back to silence, like I was new to this whole escort-sugar baby and now sex slave thing.
"Miss Charlotte, we have arrived," he pronounced without looking at me through the car mirror. He definitely suspects me.
"Okay, thank you. See you later." I replied and quickly disembarked the car.
The infamous walk of Charlotte, "Lotta" Taylors to get her duty done. The duty that is keeping her secrets from loved ones under the metal lock. Is it worth it? Yes, it does. If I don't see the light now, there will undoubtedly be one. When? Hopefully sooner than I expect.
We've been meeting at one of the many real estate properties owned by Alexander. He chose to make our meeting even more private as he is "scared that Riven finds out", which is beyond nasty for him to say that. He enjoys playing on my mental strains, and I never had anything to fight back with, and now I am more exposed than ever.
I took the elevator, the usual procedure, to the unit I am supposed to be. Meanwhile, the elevator is taking me up, I am taking off my jacket and panties, and bringing my self-worth down.
"How long am I supposed to take this?" I whisper before knocking on the massive, almost vault-like door. I was never a religious person, but the past several weeks of life made me slightly religious to God and fanatic-level religious about booze.
I know nothing about higher power, the one people pray to, and being thankful, because my God is waiting for me behind that door. And my lesson for tonight is to be punished.
"I am here..." I stated to Alexander, using a cat-woman-like voice.
He appeared from the living room, holding a few whiskey glasses and a Jack Daniel's. "Oh, you chose me yet again over Riven? So the teacher fucks better than the student?" he said while placing whiskey with glasses on the big marble coffee table.
I hate how he makes jokes about it. His ego was fed by my guilt and desperation, which made it literally bloom in front of my eyes. He surely started to look younger since finding out, as this double affair was giving him a reason to live.
"Come over to me and sit on the couch...But bend over for me first, I want to make sure you aren't wearing those panties that are cuffing your youthful but dirty pussy!" he demanded while pouring whiskey in both glasses, not looking at me at all.
I popped the minty bubble gum in my mouth and spat it onto his redwood floor, then came closer to him and turned 180 degrees to show him what he'd asked for. As I bent over, I heard him smirking and saying, "I am thinking whether my son is dumb enough to understand you are getting fucked by someone else?"
"I agreed to have sex with you, not to be verbally abused and shamed!" I replied aggressively as each sentence he said tonight was a sarcastic joke about Riven, him, and me.
"Okay, okay, my slutty Lotta. I have an offer for you. Come here."
I sat on the ginormous velvet couch that smelled like a Cuban cigar, even though I never smelled a Cuban cigar. Alexander placed his hand on my thigh, close enough that his arm was near my non-underwear area. He passed me one of the whiskey glasses and took a sip.
"Why aren't you joining me, Lotta?"
"Why do you think I drink?"
"A non-drinker won't ask such a question. I know you are playing here and there with it, I can tell when a young girl is under "alcoholic degree"..." he busted me once again, adding a devilish smile at the end.
"I never tried whiskey. It smells way worse than what I drank before." I replied shamelessly to him, as, ironically, Alexander was the only person who knew the most about me.
"Tonight is the time to try something new, speaking of which..." he landed a heavy, thick credit card, bankroll, and a packet with white powder on the same marble table that had only seen whiskey minutes earlier.
It is the cocaine. The powder of many tails Rita has told me about, how after sniffing it, you can get anything you want from a man. But she never mentioned what would happen to you or whether a man you sniff with would get anything he wanted. Tonight, this powder was right in front of me, with the person who started by just having a dinner date, to now demanding abusive, rough sex under different influences.
"...I want you to try this medicinal, stress-curing powder."
Alexander started preparing the table for a couple of roads by spilling an entire pack of powder. "You don't need to worry about your health. I have been doing it for ages, and look at me! I can think, make money, and fuck...no damage!" he kept convincing me while making a few even hill-roads on the marble, pushing powder to a line using a credit card.
"I am not doing it with you; this was never our agreement!" I replied while slowly introducing expensive whiskey to my system. The scariest thing in this moment was the absence of worry, anxiety, and fear. I was looking at how Alexander is making a "road to nowhere" and felt nothing. Just a blank, empty stare and warmth of whiskey in my throat.
"Cheating on me with my son was not in our arrangement either, but look where we are now! I am not happy about it, too, Lotta, but you see..." he stopped and took a bankroll in his hand. "I am giving you everything: money, house, care, protection, good sex, and zero attachments. Do you know how many girls like you would sell their souls for this?" he leaned to the cocaine road and took a long sniff, moving from left to right, sucking in an entire line like a vacuum cleaner.
Everything felt wrong, but I couldn't deny his rightness. I asked him, "Why do you want me to do it with you, if I am doing everything else you ask? What is Riven will see I am taking drugs? I think you purposely want to destroy me, so I will leave your son...!"
He touched his nose, removing the extra powder from it, and replied, "I am not; that's a false accusation. I am trying to help you get more comfortable with your duties; that is all. Before you see him, it will leave your bloodstream."
He passed me a bankroll and raised an eyebrow. "Come on, just one road to start with, and you can keep the cash to yourself..." he said, with yet another devilish smile.
"I am scared I will lose control..." I replied while staring at the marble with one fewer white line, as everything else went blurry in my vision. This moment was like a jump from a cliff, where instead of earning freedom, I was about to cuff myself even more.
"Listen, what else do you want so you stop acting like a poor slave here?" Alexander asked while getting impatient. He is used to things going only his way and going fast, as his patience barely exists.
"Who said I need something else?! We both know I am here only because of the person I love and care about, unlike your selfish, perverted ass..." The words slipped from my mouth. I told him exactly what I had been thinking for a long time.
He started laughing and pouring himself one more glass of Jack.
"You are adorable when angry. Okay...I will give you even more allowance, so that you can ease your pain with shopping or perhaps buy yourself a car. I know how women's mind works, you are all shopaholics, it is only a matter of time before you release this demon within yourself." Alexander stood up and disappeared for a minute, after which he returned with a handful of tightly pressed together cash bricks and threw them to me. "You can have it, whether this will help your sensitive nature to get better or not, but I will not let you go and live a happy life with my son now. So do whatever you want with it!"
I need the money for Chester's coma, so his toxic gesture was much needed right now. "I will do cocaine with you if you throw this much money at me every time. That is my demand, or we keep it drug-free."
What I said was not what I meant or wanted, but what I've learnt from this new life is that if you are in deep shit, make a mud spa out of it.
Alexander's eyes burst with fire as I unleashed his sexual kink of using him for his money. He rushed to clean yet one more line and replied the fastest 'yes' to my demand.
It was my turn to introduce snow into my life. Wine, liquor, vodka, and whiskey were not enough, as life kept "offering" me new ways to get through the miserable times. I brought my head to the table, found the shortest line, and placed my nostril to the bankroll. One, two, three, and the line was speedtrained into my bloodstream.
"That's what I want to see you doing! Now wait a few minutes and you will get how right I was..." he started laughing and slowly released the massive leather belt from his pants.
My nose started itching, and I quickly scratched it, making him almost explode with laughter. He suggested I wash this feeling down with a leftover whiskey in my glass, so I did. A combination of alcohol and a synthetic drug made me not drowsy or relaxed, but happy and horny.
I asked him if we could do it while the music played, so he turned on the sound system and let me connect my phone to the playlist I wanted to hear. Meanwhile, to create a better atmosphere, Alexander used a remote control to switch the room lights to neon, almost bright pink-purple hues, turning his huge living room into a futuristic outer space.
*Secrets by Omido, Ordell, Rick Jansen start playing.*
"Take off your pants, now! I should not be the only one here without underwear!" I commanded him with a slightly tipsy voice, but my focus was at its highest for the past few years. I felt like a sex robot that is designed to get pleasure.
Cocaine set the program in my brain by giving a light level of happiness, but it demanded to increase that amount...so I did. I almost jumped on top of Mr.Montrose and started kissing him with my drunk tongue. He responded to me with animalistic action, and within seconds, we were ripping clothes from each other while twisting tongues in our mouths.
Right before I was about to start the ride of the night on top of Alexander, he paused and slapped me in the buttcheeck. "Slow down a little, we need to refuel before the real show..." he said, crawling to the marble table on his knees.
"What do you mean?" I asked as I was impatiently waiting for him to be inside my shallow, empty, and dark body. The white line gave me a superpower to desire this man, and I couldn't think of anything else, the final destination of mine - to get the best orgasm.
"Cocaine's effect is not forever; if you want to feel good, you need to constantly add fuel!" he replied while doing two lines, instantly making the powder disappear like he is Houdini.
I joined him and sniffed the last road to ecstasy. My brain felt an undescribable burst of satisfaction, making nothing in my life matter except the moment right now. Right when I was about to get back to our foreplay, he grabbed my hips from the back. He started aggressively fucking me while pressing my face to the coffee table, just directly into the powder traces.
It felt unreal. The combination of pain and pleasure was increasing my senses of the whole process, making me extremely wet down there. Nowhere close to this level of excitement I had with Riven before, as my anxiety of him not liking me enough never made me fully relax in our lovemaking. But now I was feeling on top of the world, as the ecstasy was filling my mind and body to the brim, making me and Mr.Montrose culminate near the same time.
"I want more!" I screamed at him, as he was already catching his breath while leaning his sweaty torso on the couch.
"Huh, you are with a big appetite tonight!" he said back while reaching for the whiskey. "I can do it, but you have to open your second gate for me. I don't want the usual anymore."
He meant anal sex. The last time was a painful, gut-wrenching experience in every sense of the word. Last time doesn't mean this time. I will repeat the same way, so I spit on my hand and grabbed his half-dead body part and started waking it up for round two.
The whole process felt right; I invested 100% of my mind and body into every action. As my confidence was precise too, my lips, mouth, and tongue action made Alexander's friend wake up. Without any hesitation, I sat right on it and started moving up and down, slowly but steadily increasing the speed. He started moaning like a teenager who had never had sex before, and at this moment, I felt complete control over him. This realisation made me a lustful egoist slut, as I wanted this moment to never end. The man who was abusing, financially caging, and manipulating me is under my power now.
I grabbed his hand and placed it on my chest, showing him that he must touch and play with my nipple. He grabbed my lower back with the other hand, and we synced into the same passion motion.
This sex never seemed to end, but eventually we both ran out of power and powder. He kissed me on the forehead, as it was the only pure , untouched part of my body tonight. As we lay down on the floor, I looked at him under the neon lights and realised that he and Riven have facial similarities. Why did I never notice it before?
"Next time I'll bring less cocaine, we don't need too much...Phew, that was a night. Young girls are always acting insane under that!" he mumbled as he started getting ready to leave.
"How bad am I if I say I enjoyed it...?" I said to Mr.Montrose while trying to get the power to stand up and get ready to go home, too.
"You are the best for me. Just one thing, don't do cocaine with my son. He shouldn't know what you are truly capable of..." he smirked and was almost ready to leave this apartment, leaving it ready for cleaning service to come and hide our crime scene.
I never thought of doing anything under drug and booze influence with Riven, as my feelings with him are sincere and truly coming from the heart. Though I had yet to reevaluate that, as after this intense, crazy sex with Alexander, I felt something for him. Maybe just a slight romantic sympathy...I started to wonder if I really hate him that much, or if seeing him is not the worst form of punishment?
After a long night, I was back in my messy, lonely apartment. The scariest part was checking my phone's notifications, since I am not allowed to be distracted by anything else while at work. My phone had a usual "Good night. I miss you" from Riven and unusual 7 calls from a phone number, which I identified as the hospital where Chester's at. These calls could mean only one thing: Chester either woke up or went to eternal sleep.
As a perfect example of a good, responsible sister, I decided to sober up first and find out later. My toilet welcomed my body as I rushed to puke everything I had consumed for the past 12 hours, including the mental release of what I had done with Mr.Montrose in his secret property. My body threw up everything, thoroughly cleansing and detoxing me from this night.
After some rest, I collected my guts and dialed my mom, Ashley. Whatever happened, I thought hearing news from her would be better. As per standard, her phone was turned off, and I got sent to voicemail instantly. This is one of many reasons why I don't want to force myself to have any contact, even the slightest, with her. It was time to call the hospital, which answered me immediately and asked me if I was standing right now.
My brother, Chester Taylors, left this world peacefully at 1:50am, while his mom was getting wasted and his sister was getting... wasted. I called Rita, asking her if she would meet me at the hospital, to which she cried with a profound apology and said she is now on vacation outside of New York.
Once again, I am happy for her, but I got used to dealing with my shit in her presence that experiencing new problems alone felt catastrophic to my sanity. No Riven, no Alexander, no John, not even my fucking mother knew about what happened. When my mom eventually finds out, I will never be able to get comfort from her, as for others, I can't share anything because I chose to lie in the first place!
Within 10 minutes of arriving at the hospital, I was given a pile of papers to sign and agree to the final medical bill. No one cared about Chester, but everyone needed reassurance from me that I would pay off his failed chance to wake up. His fight with death cost me almost all of my savings, but in that moment, it felt like nothing. My real brother was gone forever. I was left sharing the same bloodline with the worst woman I know, who doesn't even know her son is not with us anymore.
While waiting to get another stack of documents to sign, I felt the need to leave a message to Riven:
-Can I come over today?
-Yes, I would love to see you. What time can I pick you up?
-I don't know yet, just wanted to make sure you still want to see me.
-Haha, why would I not want to see you?
-Sometimes I don't want to see myself, so I am worried the ones I love don't want to see me either.
-I don't know what day you are having now, but I want to make it better. Don't think too harshly of yourself.
I was seeing our fast-paced conversation on the phone and felt the urge to text him what I want to believe I still have, and what I had, towards Riven.
-I love u.
Such a circus trick of mine to perform after having the best sex of my life with his father. Every day, I learn something new, either about life, others, or myself. Today, I realized I don't know who I am or why I keep getting drawn into this love triangle with the Montrose men.