A tense silence fell. Even Ada stopped what she was doing and stared at me in confusion. I did the first thing that popped into my head when I saw our cameraman's stunned face - I ran over and dove in headfirst, leaving the camera resting on its case, aimed squarely at Odile.
My chest didn't just tighten - I felt like I was about to explode from the inside. Lungs screaming, everything cramping.
And my junk? Forget it. If painters use certain tools for inspiration, mine were officially out of commission. Still, as that thought flickered through my freezing brain, a fresh idea was born… but it'd have to wait. Ada crashed into the water right after us.
I greeted her bravery with a wild whoop and a cheer. Odile, still soaking, raised his fist dramatically:
Friends, we are bound by these
Holy crap, it's cold! Awful! - Ada sputtered, spitting out water. She was the total opposite of her usual self - all composed and analytical. Especially since she was still in full hiking gear, not a swimsuit. But hey, so were we. Who cares! We did it, bitches! - I screamed, scooping up a handful of water and splashing the others with my slowly numbing hand.
Then we burst from the lake, screaming and laughing, flipping the camera a thumbs - up, a middle finger (that one was mine), totally hyped. We knew this episode was gonna hit big with our viewers.
I was the loudest, the most fired - up of the bunch… but inside, I was just as frozen as I was on the outside.
I wasn't having fun. I hated them.
They were genuinely happy and not even mad at me. And I wanted them to be mad. But how could they doubt the infallible leader who knew how to turn bullshit into prime - time trash gold?
Fucking Real People! - I roared silently, and with trembling fingers - from the cold and from rage I fumbled with my As I unzipped it, I stood at the water's edge, legs apart, and shouted: Blur the appetizing curve of my butt in post, alright? Meanwhile, I'm gonna do .. - and I started peeing into the virgin waters of this beautiful lake. Let it be just a little bit spoiled. And more importantly - by me!
The stream wasn't as glorious as I'd hoped, but right on cue, my stomach cramped up. So I committed an even worse act - I squatted down, let my butt graze the water, and prepared for defecation.
Shocked voices flew in my direction:
- NoWay is really doing it! I swear on my Elegant Hamster Benny, he's actually doing it!
Well, why the hell not?! Take that, stinky lake!
…But nothing happened. Just a wash and that's it. I rinsed myself off in the same water I'd foolishly tried to get back at for my personal hang - ups, pulled my pants up, and walked back toward the others like a blockbuster hero. It looked pretty pathetic, to be honest. I was freezing, pumped full of adrenaline, and the whole act? Not exactly epic.
But will the audience love it? Oh, for sure.
So I perked up a little and jumped in to help with the fire - we had wood and charcoal - and we quickly set up our mini camp. Shivering all over, barely fighting off hypothermia, we changed in the tent (no peeking, promise), and then crawled out toward the now blazing fire.
It was there that Odile, with his signature intense thinker - face, asked:
Did everyone see the person waving at us from that big building?
Saying we freaked out is an understatement! But the camera was rolling, as always, and we had to perform, so I played it cool:
.. What are you getting at, Odi? Should I call a doctor or something? He replied: When we were splashing around, I saw- under the ghostly moonlight- a dark figure, beckoning to us. As you know, I've got the eyes of a hawk, and they led me to some kind of Big. Like, castle. Whoa, fantasy already? Ghosts and castles? - I
But suddenly the fire didn't feel like such a solid defense anymore. We'd never actually faced anything paranormal before, and I wouldn't say I was thrilled about the prospect.
Still - Billions of views, baby.
Rational Adelgunda didn't hesitate. She stood up and brushed us away from the comfort of the flames:
This could be a huge Let's check it out, guys.
I bet it was just some homeless dude, - I muttered, rising - But yeah, worth a look.
Our loyal cameraman followed, and our trusty trio set off toward the building, geared up with the essentials. We had: pepper spray (for people), crossbows with silver bolts (for nastier things - handcrafted by Odile's blacksmith uncle), and, of course, all the classic ghost - hunter gear: an EMF detector, a radio frequency scanner with recording capability, a thermometer, and other boring but useful tools for finding - guests from beyond. -
But what I really cared about - was safety. So I held my crossbow and spray can at the ready, swinging them as I ranted:
So this is your castle? Hmm… looks more like some abandoned factory that's been outta use for a century. Check out those window holes - no glass in And all that gravel? Scattered like a party gone wrong. This place needs a full - on renovation. - And that's exactly why it might hold something truly unique, - Adelgunda shot back, defending the cameraman. - In this building, we'll use every tool we've got to unravel the mystery - to understand how this eerie figure is tied to the lake… and this factory. Are you ready, folks? - She asked our audience, before gripping the cracked purple door handle and stepping inside.
And then gasped.
Odile and I followed, cool as cucumbers. And gasped too.
Because we were standing in the hallway of a real medieval castle!
This place had everything it needed to sell the aesthetic. And how could it not- this was a gloomy, majestic corridor, soaked in the dust of centuries.
Tapestries hung on every wall, displaying the usual stuff: knightly tournaments, falcon hunting, and the whimsical joys of the medieval elite. Flickering flames danced from the torches clutched in wrought - iron sconces, casting shadows on the narrow, bricked - up arrow slits. The stone floor was covered with long, expensive carpets, muffling our footsteps, each one edged in golden embroidery.
But the air- that was the real thing. It carried notes of wax, wood, old fabric, and just a hint of damp stone. Every breath we took echoed deeper and louder in our lungs. We exchanged wild glances and rushed back to the door… only to find the same familiar snowy valley. We turned around- and boom- right back in this ancient space.
The creatures of the night have welcomed us into their kingdom, - Odile announced, For the first time ever, I had nothing to say back.
Adelgunda coughed once, twice, a third time, and all she could muster was:
Are you all seeing this too?
And if we're all seeing it- then the camera is too. Odile?
The cameraman groaned and slumped onto the icy floor, forgetting all about the risk of catching pneumonia. He was already frozen from the lake, and at this point, very little could rattle him- except, you know, being teleported into a medieval castle that shouldn't exist.
I see it. The net's been cast- and we walked right into it without even struggling. Shame on me, for being so gullible...
He bowed his head low, pressing his nose to the camera like it was his child, cradling it tenderly in both hands. To a stranger, he might've looked completely cracked- but I knew better. He wasn't losing it. He was just feeling crushing guilt for bringing us here.
I didn't know how to comfort people- but Ada? She was good at that. Sitting down next to him, my co - host ran the edge of her hand down the middle of his scalp and said softly:
I've just drawn a boundary line, Odi. I've separated the bad from the Now you're free from the pain, as long as this line stands. How does our pragmatic, business - minded Adelgunda always manage to shift gears like that- into someone so wise and kind? She's unbelievable.