I don't remember how long I stayed on the ground. The rain kept falling over me, but after a while I couldn't feel the cold anymore. My body was shaking, yet somehow I felt completely numb inside. I kept hearing the same words again and again. Maybe I was just using her. They had become louder than the rain, louder than my own breathing, louder than every memory I had of Akira. I stared into the darkness between the trees and whispered his name again and again.
"Akira..." My voice was almost gone. "Akira..."
I didn't know why I was still calling him. He had told me to forget him. He had told me he didn't want to see me. And yet my heart refused to accept it. My lips continued moving even when there was barely any sound left in them.
"Akira..." I heard footsteps somewhere behind me, but I didn't turn around. I was too tired. A moment later, someone dropped to his knees beside me. "Amane..." It was Kento. I could hear the worry in his voice.
He touched my shoulder carefully, but I didn't react. I only whispered the same name. "Akira..." Kento closed his eyes for a moment, as if hearing me say his brother's name like that was hurting him too.
Then he gently wrapped his arms around me and helped me stand.
I didn't resist. I didn't even know where I was going anymore. My body simply followed him. He took me to a small cottage not far from the house. It was old and simple, but there was a small fireplace inside and a bed against one of the walls. Kento shut the door behind us and immediately began looking for something dry.
He found a towel and came back to me. I sat on the edge of the bed without moving while he gently dried my soaked hair. His movements were careful, almost painfully careful, as if he was afraid that even the smallest touch might break me further. "Change your clothes," he said quietly.
"You'll get sick." I didn't answer. He placed a dry set of clothes beside me. "Don't worry. I'll talk to him again. He didn't mean what he said." I stared at the floor. "He did." Kento stopped moving.
"He meant it," I whispered. "He looked at me, and he told me to forget him." Kento's expression tightened. "Amane..."
"He was alive all this time." My voice trembled. "I cried for him. I thought he was dead. I tried to live without him. And when I finally found him..." My voice disappeared. Tears slowly rolled down my cheeks again. "He told me I meant nothing." Kento crouched in front of me. "You mean something to him." I looked at him.
"You don't know that," I whispered. "I do."
"Then why did he say it?"
Kento didn't have an answer.
For a few seconds, neither of us spoke.
My eyes slowly moved around the room.
There was a small table beside the bed. On it was an apple and a knife that had been left there. I stared at them without really understanding what I was looking at.
My mind was somewhere else. I could still see Akira's back through the window. I could still hear his voice.
Forget I ever existed. Something inside me broke again. Before Kento understood what I was doing, I reached for the knife.
I don't remember making the decision. I only remember wanting the pain inside my chest to stop. Kento reacted instantly.
He caught my hand before I could hurt myself. The knife struck his palm instead, and blood immediately appeared across his hand. But he didn't make a sound. Not even a whisper. He simply held my wrist tightly and looked at me.
I stared at his bleeding hand. Then I looked into his eyes. There were tears in them. "Kento..." His lips trembled, but he didn't release me.
"Don't."
That single word was almost broken.
I began crying harder. "I'm tired." "I know." "I don't want to feel this anymore." "I know." "I just want everything to stop."
Kento shook his head slowly. Tears finally escaped his eyes. "Then let me carry some of it." I couldn't answer.
He carefully took the knife away from me and placed it far across the room. Then he sat beside me and remained there until my breathing became slower.
He didn't lecture me. He didn't ask me why I had done it.
He simply stayed. After a while, he picked up the dry clothes he had brought with him. "These are mine," he said quietly.
"They're going to be too big for you, but they'll keep you warm." I didn't move.
Kento looked away and turned his back to me, giving me privacy. "Change. I'll wait outside." I slowly took the clothes from his hands. My fingers were still shaking. Kento walked outside and closed the door behind him.
I changed into his clothes with trembling hands. They were far too large for me, but I didn't care. When I finally opened the door, Kento was sitting outside beneath the small roof of the cottage, staring into the rain. He looked at me and gave a tired smile. "See? Told you they'd be too big." I didn't smile. He didn't expect me to. He simply stood and walked back inside. "Come on. Lie down." I slowly sat on the bed. Kento pulled the blanket over me and sat beside me. For a while, he didn't say anything.
Then his hand slowly moved through my wet hair, gently smoothing it away from my face. I closed my eyes. For some reason, that small gesture reminded me of the way someone used to make me feel safe. But it wasn't Akira. And that realization hurt. "Kento..." "Yes?" "Why are you still being kind to me?"
His hand stopped for a moment.
Then he continued gently running his fingers through my hair. "Because you need someone to stay." Tears escaped from the corners of my closed eyes. "I don't deserve it." "Don't say that."
"I couldn't save Akira."
"You weren't supposed to."
"I couldn't even make him stay." Kento's voice became quiet. "Amane, sometimes loving someone doesn't mean you can control where they go." I didn't answer. My breathing slowly became calmer. Kento continued stroking my hair, slowly and patiently. Every movement was gentle. My body was exhausted from the rain, the fear, the crying and everything that had happened that night. My eyelids became heavier. The last thing I remember before sleep took me was Kento sitting beside me, his injured hand resting on his knee and tears still visible in his eyes. I wanted Akira beside me. I wanted his voice.
I wanted his arms around me.
But that night, the person who stayed was Kento.
And even though my heart was still screaming Akira's name, I finally fell asleep. Outside, the rain continued falling against the roof. And somewhere in the darkness, the man I loved was still alive. But for the first time since discovering that truth, I was beginning to understand something terrifying.
Finding Akira again had not brought my happiness back. It had opened a wound I thought had already healed.