Master… why… why is everything like this?..."
"Do you blame yourself?"
"I shouldn't have... I... it all happened so fast... but... I broke the rules... and even now I can't... calm down... control my emotions... I'm trying, but nothing works... I can't..." the Togruta muttered incoherently, struggling to find the right words.
"There's no need to be ashamed of that, Ahsoka. Emotions are a natural part of life. Even Jedi are not immune to them. 'No emotion, there is peace.' This principle does not say emotions do not exist—it requires that they be set aside. Emotions must be understood, and learning to understand them is the task of every young Jedi. If a Jedi cannot control their thoughts and feelings, they cannot achieve peace. Emotions are not meant to be overcome or discarded, but understood and controlled."
"Master, and yet... Zule... I saw her eyes... she wasn't fighting like she usually does—her powers had increased. What happened?"
"She... succumbed to the Dark Side of the Force, Snips. It's not your fault. Zule… simply crossed a line that is dangerous to cross. That made her an enemy."
"But... I... killed her..."
"If a Jedi activates their lightsaber, they must be prepared to take a life."
"I understand," the Togruta whispered, wiping away her tears with her palm. "But... it hurts so much."
"The feeling of loss is often stronger for those who sense it through the Force, and it is difficult to remain calm. But death is not a tragedy—it is simply part of the cycle of life, Ahsoka. Without death, life itself could not exist. The Force that permeates us remains after our passing. Death and life, decay and growth, corruption and purity—Jedi perceive them not as opposites but as paired entities, each of which, according to the laws of nature, cannot exist without the other. This is why Jedi do not fear death and do not mourn the departed for too long. A Jedi must welcome death as they welcome life."
"But..."
"You know she would not have wanted such an existence for herself. Perhaps, in the end, she might have come to her senses and cast off the power of the Dark Side—but could she have gone on living, knowing what she had done?"
"Master, but is that fair? Isn't she worthy of life? What about those Padawans who died?"
"Every creature has the right to live. But the world is an unfair place, and sometimes those who most deserve death live and prosper, while those who have their whole lives ahead of them die. However, death is not the end. A sentient being may die, its body may turn to dust, but memory is eternal. I would even say that intelligent beings die in order to remain with us forever—in our memory. The important thing is that you never forget this."
The Jedi's words made her snap. A warmth spread through her chest, and the cold that had gripped her began to recede.
"What should I do, Master? How can I cope with this?"
"Move on, Ahsoka. Live, learn, breathe, think... There is so much in life worth discovering."
"But what if I don't know where to go or what to do? Master," Ahsoka finally managed to raise her head and look into the eyes of the man sitting so close to her now, "will you help me? You've always helped me..."
After a short pause, he replied:
"Yes. I will help you, Ahsoka." The Jedi stood up, carefully lifting the girl in his arms. "I will help you find your path. But for now—rest and gather your strength. Cast aside your worries and sadness, for tomorrow is a new day."
With these words, he lowered her gently back onto the bed. At his gesture, the blanket rose and settled over her, wrapping her snugly.
"Yes, Master."
Her sorrow still lingered, but Master had managed to instill confidence in her. Ahsoka exhaled slowly and began to meditate, clearing her mind. She did not hear the door close behind the Jedi.
***
With great effort, I reached the cabin door, stumbled inside, and collapsed to my knees. The conversation with Ahsoka had drained me completely—I had no strength left for anything else. Perhaps in another situation I would have growled, shouted, or laughed to somehow release the emotions, but now... I was incapable of even that. I felt like a balloon with all the air let out.
How could all this... No, I understand that war changes people, cripples their minds, but it's one thing when adults with fully formed personalities face it—and quite another for children… And who cares if she's a Jedi? Does that suddenly make her an adult? Does that somehow put her above everyone else?
And there is nothing I can change—it has already happened. I can only hope Ahsoka will not have to endure any more such shocks, or else... I have no idea what the outcome might be. And... I'll try to ensure nothing irreparable happens. Not even as her Master —simply as a human. I will do everything in my power, but... what lies ahead?
Suddenly, even the last traces of emotion that remained within me simply vanished, my mind clearing as if a fog had lifted. I understood everything.
What to do next, which path to take. Even if unconsciously, I had been following it for a long time, and all my actions were aimed toward a goal I had chosen long ago. If I had harbored any illusions about other options, they were gone now. Images from the films flashed through my mind. Tatooine. The podracers. The Jedi and the Trade Federation. Naboo. The Republic, the Senate, politics. Clones. War. Palpatine. Skywalker. Order 66. Vader and the Emperor. Luke and Leia. The Empire and the Rebellion. The New Republic. The Yuuzhan Vong. A millennium of peace replaced by centuries of war—perhaps even a millennium.
I often wondered what it all meant. The story of one family that shaped the history of the Galaxy? Perhaps. Or the history of the Galaxy told through the lens of one family? And now this is my world, and I must choose my destiny. It's... like drifting down a river. Going with the flow is pointless, staying on the shore is hopeless, and rowing against the current is suicidal. So you must take the oar in your hands and row with all your strength, choosing channels and backwaters—and then the path can become just as difficult, just as successful.
My fists clenched reflexively, the creaking of metal echoing the crunch of bone.
Ahsoka, I won't let you down! I promise you!