⚠️ Trigger Warning: This chapter contains sensitive themes, including sexual assault, rape (male victim), suicide, and severe eating disorders.
Reader discretion is advised.
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When Mika finally stepped out of the bathroom, Kang Ian was waiting by the door, arms crossed and worry written all over him.
"You okay, dude?" he asked gently.
"Y-yeah. I'm fine. Probably just a stomach bug," Mika said — too quickly, too lightly, like he was trying to hide something behind his voice.
But no. Mika wasn't fine. Not even close.
As the day went on, his behavior only got stranger. Sure, Mika had his quirks, but this was different — off, wrong, heavy.
When their lunch arrived, Mika couldn't even look at the food without gagging. He excused himself, claiming he wasn't hungry, and escaped to his room. No one questioned it… except one person.
Ever since his own trauma, Kang Ian had developed a habit of observing people down to the micro-expressions. He was glued to Mika's hip from the day the program started, and he had noticed plenty of odd things. He'd brushed them off, convincing himself it wasn't his business.
But today was the last straw. He knew — knew — something was seriously wrong. Something that could hurt Mika. Break him.
So Kang Ian marched straight to their shared room.
He pushed the door open and found Mika doing rapid-fire sit-ups like he was punishing himself.
"Mika, what's going on?" Kang Ian asked, straight to the point.
Mika froze mid-movement and stared at him. "What do you mean?"
"You." Kang Ian emphasized the word. "Something is going on with you. You were puking your guts out this morning. You didn't eat a single thing today. And now you're working out like a machine. Tell me what the hell is going on."
"Nothing. I told you, I'm fine." Mika forced a smile and shrugged, trying to brush it off before dropping back down to continue.
"BULL. FUCKING. SHIT, Mika."
Kang Ian's voice cracked like a whip.
"I know you're not fine. You think I wouldn't notice? The way you fiddle with your phone to count calories every time you eat—"
"Shut up," Mika whispered, stopping again.
"At first I thought you were just a health nut. But then I realized it wasn't that at all. You're obsessed—"
"Shut up," he repeated, louder now.
"I've never seen you eat in the cafeteria. And when I do catch you eating, it's nothing but water and a fucking boiled chicken breast—"
"Shut up! Shut up!" Mika jumped to his feet.
"You're always the first in the gym and the last one out. When you're idle for even a second, you drop to do push-ups like you'll die if you don't—"
"SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Mika exploded, getting right up in Kang Ian's face, jabbing a finger into his chest.
"What do you know, huh?! YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME? YOU DON'T KNOW A GODDAMN THING ABOUT ME!"
"I know trauma when I see it," Kang Ian said softly — but firmly.
"No, Ian. No, you fucking don't. You don't understand what I'm going through. You will NEVER understand," Mika spat through gritted teeth.
"Try me," Kang Ian said, almost provoking him. Hurt that Mika — the guy he thought he was close to — was judging him by assumption.
"What's the point?! You'll just laugh and tell me to stop being a pussy. Just leave me alone and mind your own goddamn business!"
Mika backed away, looking like he wanted the whole confrontation to end.
But it wasn't over.
Because the next words out of Kang Ian's mouth would change both their lives forever.
"I was raped," he whispered.
Mika turned slowly, eyes wide, expression stunned.
"When my previous company pimped me out," Kang Ian continued, voice low, steady, controlled. "I was raped and sexually assaulted by old fucking geezers. They forced themselves on me. I tried to fight back — but what the hell could a fourteen-year-old boy do? Alone in a foreign country? They could've ended me and walked away to their quiet little lives without guilt."
His jaw tightened, but he didn't let his emotions break his voice.
"After the first time… I wanted to die. I couldn't tell my family. How could I tell them their son had been raped? So I went to the Han River. I was ready to jump. I was seconds away."
He took a shaky breath.
"But someone grabbed me. A stranger. They held onto me and told me it wasn't the end. Told me I would be okay. I never even got their name. But if they hadn't pulled me back, I wouldn't be here."
He exhaled slowly.
"So yes, Mika — maybe it's not 'my business.' But I'm making it my business, because I'm not going to sit here and watch someone I care about destroy themselves."
Silence fell like a weight.
Mika stood frozen. Tears ran down his cheeks without him even noticing.
Eventually, he sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, hands covering his face.
"I have ED," he said in a hoarse whisper.
"Erectile dysfunction?" Kang Ian asked, confused.
Mika pulled his hands away just to glare. "What? Fuck no. Mika Jr. is in perfect working order."
Then, softer: "Not that ED. The other kind. The one guys aren't 'supposed' to have. Eating disorder."
Kang Ian quietly sat beside him, offering presence instead of judgment.
"It started when I hit puberty," Mika said, voice trembling. "I grew taller… and wider. And the people I thought would protect me were the first to tear me down. My family made jokes. Snorted like pigs. Called me names every chance they got. High school was worse — way worse. I started hating myself."
He swallowed hard.
"So I joined rugby to lose weight. But all it did was add stress. I started binge eating to cope. Everything I lost came right back. That's when the purging started. I'd force myself to throw up. Then I exercised more. And more. Pushed myself until it hurt."
He wiped his face, breath trembling.
"I moved to Korea thinking I'd escape the bullying… but it was worse. With all the beauty standards? I started hating myself even more. I couldn't even look in the mirror. If I felt even a bit of softness on my body, I'd starve myself and work out until I wanted to collapse."
"I couldn't run back home. My family would've just made fun of me for crying and quitting. So I toughed it out. I forced myself to 'man up,' because I wasn't allowed to look weak. But deep down, I knew something was really wrong with me. I researched and researched, and I was almost sure I had an eating disorder… but I never got myself checked. I didn't want to be labeled with a 'girl's illness.' I was terrified of being laughed at, of being judged. I still am.
I joined this program hoping I could finally break free—at least a little. Hoping I could start getting better. But it followed me all the way here, Ian. I'm so tired. I'm so hungry. I just… I just want it to stop."
Mika's voice cracked.
For a moment, the room fell completely silent.
Then Ian stood up. "C'mon."
"Huh?" Mika blinked up at him.
"Get your ass up," Ian said, holding out his hand.
"Where are we going?"
"Remember what the CEO said last night? 'Courage is fear that said its prayers.' So let's get our fears praying. It's mental health day anyway—we're getting help. You and me both. We're gonna deal with our shit together."
Mika hesitated, trembling for just a second… then he reached out and grabbed Ian's hand like it was the first real lifeline he'd been offered in years.
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Author's Note
To survivors of rape, sexual assault, and eating disorders—especially the men who feel they have to stay silent out of fear or shame—I see you.
People might judge, but there are those who will listen without mocking, without questioning your strength, without belittling your pain.
Please don't be afraid to open up to someone you trust. Don't be ashamed to seek help. No one is meant to carry burdens like these alone.
If this chapter gives even one person the courage to take that first step, then it has done its job.
It's never too late.
May your life be filled with peace, joy, and hope. ♥️