5. Beings in Reality Through Whom Hot Blood Flows
He could have been surprised by my unexpected presence, but there was no agitation whatsoever on Arwin's face. Instead, he only slightly distorted his lips and spat out a single word.
"Iphoe Bell?"
It was a small voice, but in the stifling silence, it rang out as a loud sound. I heard it clearly, and I assumed Dalton heard it clearly as well.
Hearing my name contained in his beautiful, fluctuation-free voice, I felt like tears were about to well up.
'Iphoe Bell. Please remember my name.'
The request I made to him that hot night. He had clearly remembered my name, just as I asked. Without a doubt. Very distinctly.
Although his lips, which had called my name, were firmly closed, his voice remained as an echo, hovering in my ears like tinnitus.
'Iphoe Bell.'
Unlike Dalton, he called me as if calling a complete stranger. In fact, it was natural to call me that. Because we were strangers.
Arwin, who had been staring blankly at me for a while, began to move his steps. He released his hand from the doorknob and extended the foot he had placed on the threshold forward.
Crossing the room and coming halfway toward us, Arwin spoke.
"...I couldn't sleep, so I was walking down the hallway."
His gaze was touching only me.
"I smelled your scent."
Scent. Dalton and Arwin both—just what scent is supposedly coming from me? The only scent coming from me should be the scent of expensive oil.
Having said that, Arwin finally walked right up to us and stopped. He maintained silence again and looked down at us, no, at me.
That quiet gaze never once touched Dalton. It was as if Arwin did not acknowledge the fact that Dalton existed in this space.
Facing Arwin's gaze, I briefly imagined such a scene. That he would grab my wrist and leave this room.
It was a common scene appearing in third-rate romance novels.
The male lead sees the female lead with another man. The male lead is swept by uncontrollable jealousy and forcefully snatches the female lead's wrist. Should I say a scene roughly like that?
I gently hoped for it, but such a thing did not actually happen. Arwin merely crossed his arms with his head tilted crookedly. No sign of wanting to snatch my wrist was visible on his face with arms crossed.
I calmly concluded. Novels are just novels, and reality is just reality.
There was no possibility that events happening in a novel would become reality.
"Scent of oil."
Arwin whispered small in a beautiful voice. It seems the smell Arwin claimed to have smelled in the hallway was the scent of my oil.
To think Arwin remembered the smell of that night until now. As expected, expensive things were always right.
"Acquaintances?"
Only then did Arwin ask as if acknowledging Dalton's existence.
"No."
I answered faster than lightning. I had made up my mind to live a libertine life, but I still didn't want Arwin to know about my debauchery yet.
I know it's a selfish thought.
But that's how it is with someone you like. I didn't want to reveal my shame right away. Even if it was something that would surely be discovered someday.
And strictly speaking, Dalton and I met for the first time today, so we aren't acquaintances. I rationalized it in that way.
"Ha, then are we strangers?"
Dalton let out a dejected sound as if my words were absurd. Regrettably, his words were completely ignored by Arwin.
"I recall saying you shouldn't spend the night with someone you don't know."
Having said that much, Arwin turned around as if he had finished what he had to say. There were no words suggesting we leave. But for no reason, the thought occurred that I wanted to follow Arwin.
"Dalton, I'll get going for today."
At that, Dalton let out a scoff again as if dumbfounded.
"Ha."
Still, it couldn't be helped. The conversation about debauchery to be shared with you was important, but there was no way for me to deny what my heart wanted.
My heart clearly wanted to follow Arwin.
Arwin left the room with quick steps. I left the room following him, walking as if running.
Walking down the hallway, whether he knew I followed him or not, he walked looking only ahead. I hoped he would look back, but reality was indeed harsh.
"Marquis!"
I called him by his proper title for the first time. Only then did Arwin's head turn obliquely. That didn't mean he stopped walking.
I quickly caught up to him and walked matching his pace.
"Did you really remember my name?"
"You asked me to remember. I can grant a small request."
He replied nonchalantly as always. No romance was contained therein. So I spoke to him a little romantically.
"Will you sleep with me?"
"...."
I couldn't know why such words popped out in this situation. The words that were so hard to bring up to Dalton flowed out so easily to Arwin.
Arwin stopped walking and stared down at me intently. In his eyes, the beastly current I had seen occasionally was swirling. A gaze encroached by instinct.
He was a man, liked women, and was an animal weak to pleasure.
My mind went blank. Because Arwin's kiss was rough.
The kiss of the first night, which soothed and comforted me, had long disappeared. His lips dug in deeply, more than I could handle.
His breath digging in twisted my airway. I felt like I couldn't breathe.
As my breath became short, I inadvertently scratched his back hard, but Arwin paid no heed. Only after kissing until he was satisfied did he give me a moment to breathe.
Even in such an ecstatic moment, I thought about the shadow of death. The feeling of suffocation. That was the feeling I would soon feel.
I will suffocate and die sooner or later. The day my heart ends its function is not far off.
If I had a wish, it was that when I eventually die unable to breathe, I want to die suffocated by Arwin's kiss.
I know it's truly nonsensical. But wishing for it was purely my will. Even if it was something that would never happen, I wanted to wish for it.
Futile thoughts did not continue further. Because he entered deep inside me. The moment Arwin entered, for some reason, tears came. It felt as if he were controlling my broken tear ducts.
Leaving the flowing tears alone, I called his name quietly.
"...Arwin, ...Ha."
I vomited out a heated breath, and Arwin overwhelmed me with passionate movements.
I closed my eyes, hugging his sweat-drenched body with all my might. Closing my eyes, I thought of the hot blood flowing in our bodies.
I had often thought that cold blood would flow in the indifferent Arwin. Because the person was static, too static. But that was my misunderstanding.
Arwin holding me was a man through whom hot blood flowed. Otherwise, his body couldn't be this hot.
Then, what impression would Arwin leave the moment my blood cools down?
I imagined his face looking down at my cooled body. Strangely, I couldn't gauge at all what face he would make.
Arwin Asta, what face will you make looking at me who has become a cold corpse?
Even while I was thinking such thoughts, his movements did not stop and tightened around me.
Arwin kissed and gently licked every corner of my body that no one had ever seen. There was no place his touch didn't pass.
"...Why are you crying?"
Around the time his lips were leaving a brand on my face too, he seemed to have discovered the traces of tears I shed only then.
Why are you crying.
Compared to the past when he asked 'Crying again?', his question had changed to 'Why are you crying?'. He was now curious about the reason for my tears.
"As expected, my tear ducts are broken."
I made an excuse blaming my innocent tear ducts and opened my closed eyes. Then, I properly met Arwin's eyes.
"Are they meaningless tears?"
"...."
I blinked instead of answering.
He naturally reached out and caressed the corners of my eyes. Again, it seemed like he was checking for the existence of tear ducts.
"Considering that, my heart hurts."
"...."
"Why do you shed tears that make me sad?"
"You are sad?"
"No."
He brought out a negative answer like a person who forgot he said he was sad just a moment ago. If his black eyes looked a little bitter unlike usual.
"I said I have a second heart. He is grieving."
Arwin brought up words of unknown meaning again. I wanted to ask if he actually had two hearts.
But even if I asked, I didn't think Arwin would readily confess his circumstances. So I brought up the words I wanted to say to him.
"Will you remember my name tomorrow too?"
My voice flowing over my lips was sorrowful even to my ears.
"If, by me remembering your name, your tears truly become meaningless."
"...."
"If he no longer grieves, gladly."
Just who is the 'he' Arwin speaks of?
"Who is he?"
Arwin answered with silence. Giving up on hearing an answer, I stroked his pale cheek. He did not stop my touch. His warmth seeping into my fingertips still felt like unreality.
But this was reality. We, breathing out hot breath, were beings in reality through whom hot blood flowed.
What I am practicing these days is writing a will.
That was a truly difficult task. I had no talent for writing from the start, and even the concept of a will was too abstruse.
Furthermore, mine wasn't suicide or anything. Since it wasn't a death by my own will, I couldn't know what to write at all. I just scribbled, 'Mother, Father, please stay healthy and well,' over and over again.
I put down the pen I was holding with a dispirited sigh.
Retreat for now. Let's write more next time.
I threw my head back with an exhausted face. Then, the calendar hanging on the wall came into view. More time had passed than I thought.
It seems like yesterday that I thought I had three months to live, but my grace period only has two months and two weeks remaining. Would it be around seventy days?
It was a time that could feel short to some, and long to others.
I suddenly recalled myself in my childhood.
In my childhood when I dreamed of becoming an adult quickly, time flowed so slowly, but now that I've actually become an adult, time flowed too fast. Does the flow of time differ depending on age?
If only I could, I wanted to pull the time from my childhood—which flowed so slowly it seemed stopped—and use it for this moment now.
While I was continuously looking at the date on the calendar, I discovered that the color of today's number was different. Red. It was a day when there was an Imperial event
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