I woke up to find my cheek pressed to the surface of my desk.
The wood was rough beneath my skin, warm from sunlight pouring in through the windows. The ache of my head refused to leave from the lingering sleepiness, and my vision took far too long to adjust in time with what was occurring in the classroom around me.
Graduation was just around the corner.
That had to be something. A new start. A new beginning. Something to look forward to. All I knew was that I felt like I had yet to get started. That I had yet to pick up and make all the choices I had yet to make. I had yet to make something out of all these meaningless days.
I urged my body to stand up, my hands rummaging across the surface of the desk as I fought to clear my foggy head. The idea of the future seemed remote now—as if it were down a hall in my school I had no access to. I had no idea what I wanted to do after I finished school.
Did I even have anything I wanted to do?
The bell had not rung. Yet, the classroom was entirely empty except for me. I sat there and stared at the wall. At the wrinkled posters from this year's cultural festival, its colors were beginning to fade off. At the chalkboard full of leftover equations that I still don't understand.
And then she appeared.
Yume Okamoto
She leaned casually against the doorway, hip pressed to the frame. With one foot hooked over the other, she crossed her arms loosely over her chest. Her dark brown hair was shorter than I remembered it. It had gotten messy at the ends, catching the sun from the window.
"You finally woke up," Yume began to tease, her pleasurable smile making my chest tighten. "Took ya' long enough to stop drooling all over your desk, noodle."
"Y-Yume…," I managed, voice hoarse from the lack of use. "You...what are you—"
She waved a hand lazily, cutting me off before I could stumble over myself.
"Why can't you just say 'Hey' like a normal person? Always askin' a million questions."
"I…I—" My voice whimpered.
I didn't even know how to finish the sentence.
But her smile broke the fog in my head, clearing away the heavy thoughts I didn't even notice I was holding onto. It was ridiculous, how just only her smile could be so comforting to me.
I pushed myself upright, rubbing the back of my neck.
"You've been actin' really weird lately," Yume said, sliding into the desk across from me. "Extra noodle, even for you. Not gettin' enough sleep? Are you eatin' all right? What is it?"
I turned my gaze out of the window, Sakura pedals falling along the glass.
I wanted to say something—anything—that would explain why I felt so empty inside. Why my heart ached as the days moved forward faster and faster, leaving me all behind in the past.
"Look at you..." Yume leaned forward, resting her elbows on the desk, her grin softening. "You look like a upset baked potato right now, Hiromi."
I began to laugh from deep in my chest, awkward and shaky at first, then louder as it came. She was right sadly. I really did look like a potato right now, or at least I felt like one.
"Yeah...I guess you're right." I mumbled, catching my breath from the laughter.
Yume suddenly leaned over, swatting my shoulder with the back of her hand.
"Hey! Don't just agree with me you sad baked potato." Yume pleaded, like she was my mother. "That's extra lazy noodle behavior. You can't just agree to everything I say!"
I rubbed my shoulder, wincing slightly, then blinked at her.
"Wait…so…am I a baked potato or a noodle?"
She brought a finger to her chin to gauge the question.
"Hmmm, that's...a good question...." She tapped her chin dramatically, like she was considering my fate. "You're still a noodle. Just…acting like a sad baked potato right now."
I laughed again, shaking my head in disbelief.
"A sad baked potato noodle? You're ridiculous, Yume."
Her energy…it was impossible to resist.
Yume puffed her cheeks at my comment, pretending to be offended by what I said. "Excuse you, I'll have you know my namin' system is very complex...Scientifically advanced, even."
"Oh, yeah?" I tilted my head to her. "What part of 'sad baked potato noodle' is scientific?"
She raised a finger—her infamous shut-up-and-just-listen finger.
"All of it...I observe. I analyze." She then pointed at me dramatically, as if calling me out on a crime. "And I conclude that you, Hiromi, are a carb-based lifeform who needs a big hug."
"I-I don't need a hug." I responded, looking away from her.
"Oh? So if I came over there and hugged you right now, you'd what? Pass out? Explode?"
"Probably die," I muttered.
"Die, huh?" Yume repeated under her breath.
Before I could respond, she suddenly pushed her chair back and stood up.
Her steps were light as she rounded the desk.
"W-Wait, what are you—"
"Nope. Too late," She interrupted my sentence.
She slipped behind me, draping her arms over my shoulders, leaning into my personal space like it was her own. And I could feel it, her warm breath grazing the back of my neck.
My heart desperately tried to climb out of my ribcage.
Yume's smell was suffocating me.
The smell of her shampoo, a mix of honey and lavender.
And the trace of her perfume, something light, like cherry blossoms after rain.
It was drove me to the edge.
"There," She hummed, caressing my shoulders. "Still with me? Not dead yet, are you?
I felt my breath getting stuck in a designated spot somewhere in my chest. It felt like I was filling up with pressure, like a shaken soda can ready to explode whenever it was opened.
"No..." I tried to breathe the pressure out. "I...um...I'm...still here."
Yume chuckled softly, and her breath touched warm against my neck.
"Good...I don't feel like dragging your corpse to the nurse's office today."
Her attempt at a joke didn't help. If anything, it made the pressure inside me twist tighter. My hands curled into fists on my lap and I dug my nails into my palms. I didn't know what to do—where to put my hands, or what expression to have. I even forgot how to breathe normally. Suddenly, in this moment, my body felt like it belonged to someone else. And not to me.
"I-I don't..." The words came out in pieces. "I don't really know what to do anymore, Yume."
Her hands went still on my shoulders.
"I mean, graduation's coming, and everybody keeps talking about their plans and dreams and futures." I closed my eyes for a moment. "And I just...I'm scared, I guess. I don't know what I'm doing. Or where I should go. Or what I'm supposed to be."
"...You are such an idiot," She said quietly, but her voice trembled with something softer. "Hiromi, you don't gotta know everything right now. That's kinda…the point, y'know? You figure it all out as you go. That's what everyone does...The future doesn't guarantee anyone anything, no matter how much you plan it out or think it over. It never has and never will."
She snuggled closer into me, resting her chin on top of my head.
Maybe I don't know what I'm doing.
Maybe I don't have the answers.
Maybe I'm just overthinking.
But with her arms wrapped around me, it made me remember.
As long as she's with me, I think I'll be okay.