I hated my life. I found no joy in living nowadays; the same routine lingered through every second, minute, hour, day, and week.
I'd wake up in the morning and contemplate why I was alive. This was the most essential part of starting my day. The answer always came back the same:
"I dunno."
I never saw it as a bad thing. I had no reason to keep living, yet I found no reason to end my life either. I was still relatively young, only 29 plus I had my own apartment and car. Things weren't necessarily bad.
I'd go to work like many others, appease my boss, and get along well with my colleagues. I'd leave and get lunch with this one girl at work who seemed to be in the same chokehold life had put me in.
I'd finish my work, hop into my car and head home, play games until I was bored, and if I felt truly free, recklessly spend money on in-game currencies. Afterwards, I'd go to sleep at 11 PM and make sure I was ready for the upcoming day.
This had been my life for the past few years—the only difference was the ladies and the income.
I wondered when it all started going downhill for me. I couldn't recall the last time something brought me true, lasting joy.
I often thought of my sister late at night. She was like my second half as a child, but for some reason, the universe decided that killing her off with a minuscule flu would be a world-class joke.
Soon after my sister's death, my mother passed away in her sleep, leaving me to mull over things alone.
The only thing I truly had left of my family was a jar of my sister and mother mixed together like a shitty mess of kinetic sand.
In fact, it was right next to me. Whenever I slept, I made sure it was. It brought me some peace knowing that one day I'd be with them.
It was already 11:05. I needed to sleep.
I woke up again.
Sitting upright, I stared at my wall and wondered if I should go to work today. Probably not.
Yet for some reason, I couldn't control my body. I got up and silently went to the bathroom. It hadn't even hit me that I hadn't had my daily midlife crisis until I was brushing my teeth.
Maybe this is a good sign.
Getting ready and finishing up with my breakfast, I hopped into my car and headed for work. I liked to sit in silence on my drives; the music often covered up the thoughts I had. I always found it interesting how many thoughts I could have while doing such a task. I'd often come up with million-dollar ideas whilst driving.
I arrived at my work firm and opened the front door. I greeted the morning shift secretary, Marissa.
"Hello, Marissa! How are you today?" I fed her a warm and friendly smile and quickly took my ID out for her to scan.
"Ahh, it's going great, Paul! I recently got an increase in my wage! It's motivated me to work a little harder!" She smiled warmly back. If I hadn't been working here for so many years, I would have celebrated her joy, but that motivation wouldn't last long.
After all, how long could an extra $0.65 really change someone's life?
"Good to hear. I hope you don't use all that money in one place, hahaha." I took my ID and went into the elevator. Arriving on the 5th floor, I saw a plethora of colleagues already working.
We were all decent friends, but it had become routine not to greet each other unless it felt necessary. Most of us had worked here for years and could count how many pimples we each had by sheer memory. There was no need for pleasantries.
I sat down in my cubicle and turned my monitor on. I had to begin my work.
Documents, signings, new customer leads, payment errors, file corruption. All these things were my portion of work. I just fixed problems; I didn't complain.
Before I even knew it, I had finally settled into my comfortable daily schedule. I had forgotten how much time had passed while working until my partner, Steven, asked if I wanted to grab a coffee. This was also part of our daily schedule—I couldn't say no.
Headed to the nearest Starbucks, Steven and I ordered our regulars and sat down to enjoy our drinks.
We often spoke minimally; after all, what was there to talk about besides the news or our ongoing lives? Steven had initially talked about his family, but seeing how I never responded nor seemed keen on talking about it, he often dropped the topic entirely. Our bond was solidified over the simple need for a presence whilst we drank our coffees.
I was in the middle of taking another sip and entertaining my useless thoughts before I heard Steven speak up.
"Hey.. I just got engaged with my girlfriend Kate yesterday.. Just thought I'd let you know, the wedding will be in a few weeks if you'd like to come," he said, sipping his coffee.
Looking up at him, he didn't seem to think much about what he said.
It felt moreso in passing; probably a message from his wife.
"I'll pass, thanks for asking." I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't find myself caring for his wedding. My life already weighed heavily enough as it was. Why did I need to watch some lovebirds make out on a podium?
"That's fine. I didn't expect you to say yes, honestly." The table returned to calm silence, the only sounds around us being the clinking of change, the footsteps of customers, and the occasional sip of my partner across from me.
"You know, one day you'll have to find a wife too, Paul. I know you're talking to that one girl, but if you ever need help, I've got some friends… You can't be alone forever." He looked me in the eyes as he spoke this time. The tension made me stop drinking my coffee.
'Hahaha, yeah, you're right. I can't be a bachelor for the rest of my life, hahaha.' I couldn't help but snicker at his words.
He gave me a nod before abruptly standing up and shaking his cup. "I'm finished. I'll be heading out now. I'll see you later."
"Yeah… I'll see you later." Watching as Steven threw his trash away and silently left the building, a bitter feeling rose in my chest. I was most certain it was a mix of jealousy and disgust. Why I felt that way was something for me to think about in my car; for now, I couldn't find the energy to let this perfectly good coffee go to waste.
Chugging the rest, I crunched the cup and threw it at the trash can. It had missed the hole, but I couldn't be bothered to go pick it up.
The rest of the day continued as usual. I went back to work, finished my assignments, and soon it was time to clock out. The girl from yesterday had asked me if I'd like to get a drink, but for some reason, the same feeling of disgust that arose whilst speaking to Steven made itself present in a small corner of my heart.
I didn't want to speak to this girl. I didn't want to show the familiarity she expected nor the kindness she wanted.
I simply ignored her presence and headed for the exit.
Leaving the building I silently entered my car in a Foul mood.
The ride home was long; I lived 40 minutes away from work. It was a good amount of time to contemplate.
I wonder why I felt jealous about Steven feeling the need to help me find a wife. Was I jealous he had found a lover? Surely not—the idea of falling in love with another woman out of earthly necessity honestly repulsed me. Maybe it was because I didn't want his pity? Or because someone like Steven felt the need to look out for me? Was I really such a prideful person? My thoughts where so loud at the time I hadn't even noticed how heavily it was raining outside. If I had been paying attention, I would have noticed how blurred my windows were or how loud the rain thumped against my car.
Maybe I'm just a jealous bastard..
I liked this answer; it summed everything up quite nicely.
I had no love life, and my only "friend" had now found love before me, thus in the end I was left a jealous bastard.
How pitiful.
A sudden voice spoke from behind me.
I felt my entire body freeze.
"Who-who's there?"
Quickly turning my head around to see where the voice came from, I suddenly felt my tire go off track.
"I have watched you, human. Your life has been quite a blunder; you never amounted to much, and you find peace in self-deterioration. Now you've somehow found yourself at the porch of death's doors. Such a sad creature.. And yet… I offer you a chance at retribution."
I quickly turned my head back around and swerved my car back onto the road. I wasn't sure how I hadn't noticed how bad the rain had gotten. The streets were now filled with long, flowing paths of water and the sky had turned pitch black
And that voice… where was it coming from? Was I going insane?
"Listen, human. I offer you something greater than what you have now. I'll give you a chance at grand power. The power to make all those beneath you smile or cry at your will. All you need to do-"
"What the hell is this? Can't you see I'm trying to drive, and what are you talking about? Do you think this is some sort of anime?" I quickly snapped at the voice. I couldn't tell if I really lost it or not, but this rain was no joke and hearing Morgan Freeman speak about grandeur and power wasn't helping me focus.
"Just shut up for a second, ok?"
For a brief moment, there was silence.
'I must really be going crazy.. did I just respond to a voice in my head?'
"I can bring back your family."
The voice spoke against this time it came from all around me. It felt like I was being straddled into the idea that this wasn't my lunacy speaking.
My eyes lightly blurred over thinking about what I just heard.
Bring back my family? Is this a joke?
"Your life won't end today, human. You will die, yes… but not truly. A new path awaits you. The stakes there will be real. All your actions will finally matter.. You will become strong, and with strength your sweet little sister will be brought back to life."
"H-how... How will you.." I stuttered as I spoke; this all seemed quite surreal but my instincts where telling me this was all real.
This was a real chance.
"Just shake my hand." Before I could respond, a semi-transparent hand three sizes bigger than my own and tinted in a dark ooze appeared before me.
Staring at the obviously ominous hand, i slowly lifted one hand from my steering wheel.
I felt myself oddly drawn towards the hand.
'This could be my only chance to ever bring them back.'
I gazed absentmindedly watching as my hand fell into the palm of the ghostly figures.
'Will they really come back?' I thought quietly.
My eyes slightly teared as I felt the hand shaking my own grip hard.
Ha... Hehe... hahaha... What a fool... HAHAHHAHA... HAHAHA...
For some reason I could hear distinct murmers in my head like distant whispers.
They where all laughing.
Before I could get a grip on what I had done, a blaring light came directly toward me.
I had completely lost focus of my driving I hadn't even noticed when i drifted into the opposite lane.
I was given no chance to move before a semi-truck rammed headfirst into me.
To think he'd agree so easily.. he didnt even read the contract ... hehehe ... you got lucky this time (̷̢̢̹̼̹͂̈́.
"Haaaa, Luck is also a skill ▒▒▒▒▒, you should know this."
Tsk.
"Hahaha, this should be fun."