Earlier that day, playtime was over and the sun was setting so we decided to take our leave, walking around together like an ordinary hangout.
Indeed, there were no 'friends' who came, just ol' fashioned duo playtime.
Although along the way, Trizha seemed a bit shy but was confident enough to say something; she's going through an audition to some trending dancing show.
She asked me to come over to watch her performance, but I declined because, at the time, people probably knew about me.
The demon child rumor.
I strategically knew at the time that people were still hunting me down out there.
Even with my such little mind, I couldn't risk touching a rose with hidden thorns.
At least… that's what I wanted to tell her about.
An excuse.
A reason why I shouldn't come without a plan at the start, in fact, it's hard to make a plan either way, since an audition is filled with countless eyes that roam the horizon from all angles.
However, before I could tell her all of that, she instantly handed me over a 'spare' ticket exclusively only for both participants and watchers of the audition.
She then said that she had two of them, but she already gave one away to another friend of hers.
Perhaps a new one.
Or one who came before me.
It's surely before me.
She then told me that she kept this ticket a secret for a second friend, and apparently, I was that second friend.
Did I try to refuse her offer again?
Of course I did.
It's too reckless.
But then again, she instantly refused my very own refusal.
It's infuriating, but it can't be helped.
After all, she took the trouble saving up enough money to pay for two.
No wonder she kept it a secret.
I guess it would be a waste to leave it away… so in the end, I accepted her reckless request.
Can't be helped, that's just the way she is that day.
After that I asked her about her friend, the one before me, the one who received the ticket first.
She told me 'she' was bald and a bit sick.
So if she is bald… then wouldn't that mean that he's a boy? Most bald people I know are males.
Anyways, she soon left after that, and I was left alone once again, in a park.
But this time, it didn't feel like I was alone.
That's right, I was only alone.
Not lonely.
I don't feel lonely, it's just that no one is around me… actually, there's still people around me of course.
I meant that metaphorically, and it's also because of the words she told me.
It lingered till the end of the day… a lonely world… an alone world.
Her world exists without loneliness, me included.
And if that's the case… does that include her as well?
If not, what is it to her?
What happened to that world of hers…?
***
"Wow!! What an astounding and flashy performance! Give them a round of applause!!"
Said by the host of the Malaysia's Got Talent show, said in a cheerful and convincing shout that aroused and amused the many who set their eyes upon the big stage.
They all clapped in applause deliberately, some laughed, some screamed, and even some whistled in excitement.
All were done because of a performance done by a band of boys who just finished their own performance, as they vowed respectfully and made their leave against the alley.
But deep within the crowd, the audience, the judges, everything… is Narasao Tarosono, or Nomoro Ketatsuki, sitting with the crowd without notice or recognition of his identity.
Wore the same, smelled the same, looked the same, like an old timer. And yet… no one sees the moving fish in the lake.
Trizha's reckless antics were indeed reckless.
I forced myself to be here, and yet no one sees me as the devil… I see, they only know about the devil having horns and stuff, I guess all they saw was a child who's just stinky in comparison.
But before all this… At the time, I was able to manage.
At the time, I was able to independently take care of myself for a few days before I came here.
It was a great struggle for me because of how little I was at the time.
I thought I couldn't make it, I didn't take a bath, but I was able to grab some leftover food at the back of a restaurant by the garbage area.
I was sure glad that the first layers of the trash contained fresh goods uneaten by the ungrateful, and their chicken, though lacking its meat, still had taste in it.
I guess being homeless… isn't bad after all.
And despite not being recognized by the audience, I still have to keep a low profile, hiding my face of course.
The negative things about me are still spreading like wildfire.
Now, come to think of it… who's coming next?
A soft chuckle can be heard from the distance—it is the host of the show.
He seemed a bit nervous, but that smile on his face never came undone. "Haha everyone, sorry for the wait, the next performer is a bit shy, pray tell."
He laughed at his own statement, and so did everyone else.
It's something that happens a lot for performers, and it's understandable considering how big the stage they were about to stand on after all.
"But don't worry everyone! I mean for those who actually worry hahaha. Well, there is nothing to worry about this little cute performer who is about to give us a hell of a show. Give her a round of applause as she introduces herself… as The Angel Beater, Trizha Frantzes!!!"
Everyone stood up and started screaming in excitement, as a girl with long and wavy blonde hair entered the stage with confidence and determination in her face while holding a mic between her hands.
It's Trizha, and she's about to give us all… a hell of a show.
"Good evening, Lil Trizha. Say, how are you feeling today?" The host said, looking at Trizha with an expectant look on his face. "I… uh…" and suddenly, the earlier cheerful and determined Trizha… had begun to stutter.
The host, understanding what this might be, decided to cover up for her.
"Hahaha, oh don't worry everyone, if y'all were in the same shoes as hers of course we'd be stunned at the abnormal sight of such a view only the brave can dare stand forth!" He shouted, pointing out at the crowd, pointing out at the way how wide and massive the amount of audience who set their eyes upon the one performer.
To me, it was all the more confusing—this Trizha I met a few days ago… she looks so scared even with that confident grin on her face.
She doesn't look… any determined at all.
She's pressured.
"Now don't lose your hope—even the smallest and gentlest rain can drop the hardest. Trizha Frantzes here will give us a real hell of a show! Now let's not waste our time and watch her performance!!!"
Everyone once again clapped in amusement, the lights that showed everyone had turned off except the ones that were deemed support for Trizha.
If her view was blurry, she wouldn't have to worry about the countless eyes staring deep into her soul… but for some reason, her eyes were just too clear to be true.
She hesitated for a moment, before she began to sing and show her talent.
But the first few lines were already a crack, and people began to be concerned.
And me?
All I could do was stare and watch helplessly.
I can't just jump on stage and save her in an unreasonable way… actually, how can I save her from that?
She stands on an empty stage, surrounded by thousands who could recognize me as a whole… I can't do anything.
I know I could've done it by acting reckless instead, but I couldn't.
And I see now.
In her world, loneliness ceases to exist, yet she, the creator, exists with it.
All I could do for now… is just helplessly watch everything unfold.
I can hear people near me start criticising even her own efforts.
There are also people who feel bad, but there's nothing they can do to prevent such disappointment.
I wish I could have done something, really…
Suddenly, I watched as she snapped out of it and immediately ran away from the big stage.
It left everyone in shock for a brief moment, and the judges gave out exaggerated reactions of their own to calm the audience.
To them, and to me, this was one of the rarest moments that has happened in the entire show—the incapability of esteemed and confident performance through a moment of psychological crisis.
It was a shocking moment, and then again…
…there was nothing I could do.