When I came to, I was lying amongst my own red satin sheets. I cranked my eyelids slightly wider and saw Mama sitting by my bedside with my two brothers, Adrian and Pytor. Adrian was twiddling his thumbs and alternating between glancing at me and the door, and Mama was either dozing off or sleeping, whilst Pytor was pacing back and forth around my room like a caged animal. I opened my eyes fully.
"Mama! Pytor! Yul's awake!" Adrian exclaimed and rushed over from the chair he sat on near the foot of my bed. I smiled weakly and hugged Pytor and Adrian when they both rushed over.
"Don't ever do that again, Yul! You scared us both half to death," Adrian chastised gently.
"Do what, Adri?" I joked, trying to lighten the mood.
"The whole fighting and then passing out thing? You scared us when you crumpled like that." Adrian answered, frowning. "Mama was so scared for you that she literally beseeched one of the Slyevskiy—the priests—for help to pray for you to wake up."
I turned to Mama. "You did that?" Mama bit her lip and nodded.
I reached for her hand. "I'm sorry for scaring you, Mama. I just wanted to stop Andrei from turning the court upside down on its head and keep the peace. How long have I been out?"
Mama tried to smile. "Spoken like a true Tsesarevna, Yul. I'm proud of you. Around a whole day?"
I squinted at her trembling lips. "What's wrong, Mama?"
Mama touched my forehead. "Andrei managed to hit you before you knocked him down. You're not going to the training grounds until the physician says so."
When I heard that, I chuckled. "Is that why you can't even smile properly, Mama?"
Mama gave a loud sigh. "I'm sighing because now that we know Andrei wants your position as the crown's hei-"
"I'm still the heiress? I thought Papa gave away that title to Andrei already?"
"Andrei wasn't crowned and the majority of the court hadn't properly shown their approval of the decision, which means he's still just Tsarevich Andrei and nothing more." Mama leaned forward. "You, on the other hand, will shine bright like a star. If you don't stray from your birthright, you will do what male rulers have done: you will conquer whole empires and capture the hearts of people, who will show you their undying loyalty. But if Andrei WAS Tsesarevich… " Mama shuddered. "I won't even think about it."
"Mama, where's Andrei? Is he okay?" I asked, sitting up.
She glanced at Pytor. "Yul, he's fine, but your father insisted on locking him in the dungeons." I was out of bed and on my feet upon hearing that.
"Where's Papa?" I said aloud, not expecting an answer. I didn't get one. I rushed towards my shut door and rapped once. The doors swung open and I rushed out, much to the astonishment of the palace servants. Mama and my two brothers rushed out right behind me in an attempt to stop me, but to no avail. I dashed to the throne room only to find the doors locked and the servants that were usually in charge of opening the doors weren't present; only the guards stood stoic as statues did in front of the doors. That meant that Papa wasn't inside, but I didn't want to go all over the palace just to hunt for him.
Instead, I went to find Andrei because I knew he'd be in the dungeon cells for sure. I made a beeline for the hallway leading to the palace dungeon but was stopped by Mama grabbing my elbow. "Yul! What do you think you're doing? It's dangerous to go down there!" Mama hissed in my ear, but I shrugged her off and continued running down the hallway and pushed past the guards at the entrance.
The moment I stepped through the doorway, I was greeted by a strange musty smell that was a strange combination of sweat, blood, dust, and age. As I walked forward carefully, not having been in the dungeon before, my footsteps bounced off the stones making up the dungeon walls and floors and echoed around me. Most of the cells were empty, but there was a tiny lamplight at the end of the row of cells on my left.
As I neared the cell, I could make out the silhouette of Andrei on a wooden plank barely wide enough to lie down on, which passed for a bed in every cell. He was curled up in the fetal position away from the entrance to his cell, where two guards stood to make sure he didn't escape. I glanced behind me to see 3 silhouettes back at the dungeon's entrance.
Ah, well, I thought. Mama, Adrian, and Pytor had decided not to follow me in, which means that I could talk to Andrei in private. But given how I had embarrassed him in front of the entire court the other day, I had a feeling it would be an awkward conversation. I stopped in front of the cell entrance and gestured to the guards to leave Andrei and me alone. They hesitated, but hastily stepped aside to give us room.
I leaned against the cold steel bars. "Andrei?" I whispered. He didn't move.
I waited a few seconds, and then tapped the bars again. "Andrei," I called. He shifted on the plank, and then sat up, squinting at me.
"What is it?" Andrei grumbled in reply. "Come to gloat?"
I sighed. Did he really think that badly of me all the time? "I've not come to gloat, Andrei," I said slowly, taking a deep breath. "Are you okay? Did Papa hurt you?"
Silence, and then, "Not any more than you already did." A pause. "He sent a physician."
I blew air out through my nostrils. I had to keep my cool. "Andrei," I began, "You did manage to strike my head too, so I'm not all that invincible." He sniffled in reply. "Why did you barge into the throne room like that?" I asked.
I saw him get up from the plank and shift over to sit near where I was. "I was being dramatic, I guess." He replied matter-of-factly. I sighed, and stared at him. "Who are you afraid of, Andrei?"
"Papa," came the instant reply. I raised my eyebrows.
"Just him?" I probed. Silence again.
"You do know that I don't go around letting old and dusty skeletons out of the closet, right?" I asked. A small chuckle came from him this time.
"Old and dusty… old and brittle, more like. Secrets don't turn dusty, but they become more fragile and dangerous to keep with time, eh?" Andrei whispered. I saw him glance around, and then he looked straight at me. "You should know by now that I put on a brazen face only when I'm truly scared of something." His next sentence came as a surprise. "You scare me, Yulia. No, correction: I think you scare everyone."
I stammered, "I-I do?" Was I that scary? I frowned.
"People go quiet around you. They don't even bother telling you lies they've told others because you have a knack for finding out the truth, and everyone knows it." He replied, and leaned against the bars, trying to look nonchalant.
"Well, if I have a knack for finding out the truth, tell me why you barged into the throne room like that, Andrei," I said gently. "I won't tell anyone. Yet." He shrugged in response. "I guess it's one of those dumb things you do when you think that you're on top of the world, even though the gods forbid it." He mumbled.
"Do you really meant what you said? About women being useful only for breeding and all?"
"I just wanted to rile Mama and Papa up. And you too, I guess." He looked down at the floor.
"What about being the heir? Being the crown prince?"
"Yulia… I really don't want to take your place as Tsesarevna, believe me. A whole ton of people would be trying to murder you in your sleep, and you'd be so paranoid that you'll end up sleeping with a dagger under your pillow. Or so the people say," he shrugged, then continued in a low whisper, "But I digress. Papa isn't the virtuous Emperor he used to be, and everyone can see that. Those who serve him, do not do so out of love, but out of fear. He's turning into a tyrant, Yul. He's unpredictable. The people don't respect him anymore; they only fear him. And behind their fear lies only deep-seated hatred. Nothing more."
When he was finished, I found myself staring open-mouthed at him. "Tyrant?" I asked. He nodded.
I furrowed my brows in confusion. "But he's nice to us, Andrei. I mean, he's nice to his family and his closest advisors. Wouldn't it make sense for him to be nice to the people he's closest with?"
Andrei shook his head. "Yulia, Yulia, Yulia… out of everyone, you're the last person I expected to think this way. He's a tyrant, Yul. The good things he actually does are just to give a false impression to us. That way, when he needs something from us, we'll give it to him readily. When he doesn't need us anymore, he can just dispose of us and everyone would be left in the dark." I was sure that I was visibly gawking by now.
Andrei's cold hands reached for mine and clasped my hands tightly. "Yul, do you now see why I did what I did? You don't have the brutalness to rip the throne away from Papa, but if you did, there would be some who would bear strong hate for you in their hearts. If I snatched the title of the heir, and then took the throne, the people would hate me, not you. Then, when they come for me, the title of crown princess goes back to you, and you'll be the Tsarina eventually. Not just a Tsarevna without the power to exact change over Papa's tyrannical rule."
I blanched upon hearing all that and pried my hands out of his. I did have the brutalness, but… ripping the throne away would break morals that I have. No. Best to let Nature take its course this time. "When are they letting you go, Andrei?" Andrei shifted back onto the plank, seemingly having exhausted whatever he wanted to say. In a normal voice, he replied, "Whenever Papa pleases, Yul. I can't make him let me go now." He turned over, letting his back face me, signaling that the conversation was over.